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#Lent#12

Thursday, March 12th, 2020

In yesterday’s post (#Lent#11)  I gave some thoughts about what survivors need after a loved one has died.  I encourage you to read that before reading this post (if you haven’t already done so).  In this post, I’d like to carry on with how to treat a survivor with some thoughts on Things Not to Say and Things to Say.

THINGS NOT TO SAY:

  1. “He/she is in a better place now.”  The question which begs to be asked is, “How do you know for sure?” Unless the victim was a follower of Christ,  you are better off not giving false hope.
  2. “I know how you feel.” No, no you don’t. You know how you feel, not how they feel.
  3. “All things work together for good” or “Everything happens for a reason.” Honestly, not only do I want to gag when someone says this (even though it may be half true), but it sounds more like an empty platitude.
  4. “God never gives you more than you can handle.” Not biblical.
  5. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”  Catchy Kelly Clarkson song, but this comes from Nietzche, who was an atheistic philosopher. He publicized the “God is Dead” movement.
  6. “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.” This may sound good coming from your lips but it is virtually a worthless use of words. Why not offer something tangible like “I’m going to bring you a meal” or “Let’s go out for a run or coffee.”
  7. Any joking about people killing themselves is out of bounds. “Oh, if I fail this test, I’m going to kill myself.” (Roll eyes)

THINGS TO SAY:

  • Nothing. (But be present).  Being there and letting them talk or cry or just holding them or just sitting with them is much better than endlessly spoken, weary words. 
  • “I’m so sorry.”  (And mean it when you say it. Yeah you would be surprised).
  • “I don’t know what to do or say. ”  (See the first one of this section).
  • “Do you want to go out for coffee?”  (See #6 above).
  • “Tell me what you remember about him/her.”  (I do this for the funeral experience. It helps them remember the good times).
  • “Tell me your story.”  If they have been married a long time this helps heal.

Some added thoughts: 

  1. Be careful of using “committed suicide.” This implies criminality.
  2. Be careful of saying “completed suicide.” This sounds like a laudatory accomplishment, like completing a project or a grade.
  3. It is much better  to say, “Took his/her own life” or “He or she died.”

I know it is hard to know what to say. It is made worse by “tongue-tied disease.”  People want to give comfort but don’t know how.  Granted, much of what I have written is concerning suicide, but in many cases the advice can apply to any death and survivor.

Some of what I have shared comes from a book by Albert Y. Hsu entitled Grieving a Suicide. I simply cannot recommend this book enough.  The thoughts are a mash up of his and mine (mostly his). 🙂

#Supremacy#Colossians

Saturday, February 29th, 2020

It never ceases to amaze me how contemporary the letters that Paul wrote are to today’s culture. Case in point: Colossians.  I am beginning a new series this Sunday on the book of Colossians with the title of Supremacy.

Many churches have glorious pasts and they like to live there…forever. You can hear it in statements like “We never did it that way before” which someone has dubbed as The 7 Last Words of the Church. Then there are those churches who revel in their past and want to spend an ungodly amount of money keeping their buildings update, their stained glass windows looking all nice and spiffy and regularly use Murphy’s oil soap to shine and wax their pews. Then, of course, there are those who celebrate milestones by putting people’s names on buildings, pews, and even offering plates.

I’m not trying to be difficult but I sure think a church should have another focus than just the looks of their building. If celebrating the past gives us a heightened awareness of the future, I’m all for it.

In this opening passage of Scripture (Col.1:1-8)  Paul gives us a reason to celebrate in the church. I’ll give you a hint: it has something to do with faith, hope and love. 🙂

Your prayers would be appreciated this Sunday. Thanks.

#Valentine#Valentine’sDay#Love

Friday, February 14th, 2020

Okay, so in order not be to shot, filleted, hung upside down by my toenails, or any other violent act you can think of, I thought it would be wise to talk about my valentine. Strangely enough, it would not be her who would do all the above-said violence. She is a very non-violent person (except if I come to bed with cold hands). I just don’t understand how her love turns so deadly when I come in and want to hold her hand or put my hand across her body so it doesn’t hang in the air at a weird angle while I’m laying on my side. Sheesh! You’d think I put my hands in the freezer before I came to bed. Come to think of it I am pretty sure she thinks I do.

We have been married 46+ years…47 in June. We had our first vacation away from anyone who knew us just 3 years ago (2017) thanks to the graciousness of a couple who had a timeshare and gifted us with a week.  And we had the vacation of a lifetime last September when the folks from the church sent us on a cruise to Alaska. (I would go back in a heartbeat but I wonder if she got tired of me. She doesn’t want to go back this year).  Well, Lord willing, maybe 2021. I hope, I hope, I hope.  Our almost 47 years have not all been smooth sailing but one word never escaped our lips. Not it wasn’t Love silly; it was the “D” word.  Never an option.

She blessed me with two wonderful daughters who have turned into wonderful young ladies, both of whom I am totally stoked about and so proud of my buttons pop (and no it is not from weight gain).  Their lives have not been easy from the start. I mean, a Pastor’s Kid? How radical is that? It is like they have targets on their backs. They have gone on to college and done well in spite of the tests that come from growing up (and growing older). Ha. And they think I’m old.

But Jo has stuck with me through all the ups and downs of ministry life. At times there were far more downs than there were ups.  We have laughed together (if she could roll her eyes she would do that often). We have cried together. We have lamented together. We have hurt for others together. There is one thing we won’t do together…play games. She thinks I cheat at Backgammon or Scrabble. I don’t but she doesn’t like me putting her in the middle in Backgammon or using words she doesn’t know in Scrabble.

But there is one thing we will do together. (Get your mind out of the gutter people!)  We will continue to love each other for as many years as God gives us together.  🙂

Happy Valentine’s Day Honey! I love you.

Now if I can just her to read this I will have won another year of life without buying flowers.

#Birthday#LoveofmyLife

Thursday, January 30th, 2020

This will be really short today. Today, January 30th, is Jo’s ___ birthday. No…I am not stupid enough to put 69th in the blank. What do you take me for? A glutton for punishment? Someone who wants to be strung up and beat with a wet noodle? Someone who considers his life on this earth very short?

She is going to get pampered today. She already knows it. Braden recently said, “Mamaw, you have the best life ever.”

“What do you mean?”

“You can sleep as late as you want. You can watch TV all day. You can play on your phone sitting on the couch for as long as you want.  Do you even cook?”

(Jo chuckling) “Only when I have to.”

“See! You have the best life ever!”

(Where does this kid come up with stuff like this?)

I tell her she is a kept woman. Today I will make her a blessed woman. After a short stint at the office (while she sleep as long as she wants), I will be spending the rest of the day with her- doing whatever she wants to do. I can GUARANTEE it will mean one thing: we. will. eat. out. for. lunch.  🙂  That is, perhaps, her favorite thing to do (next to spending time with Braden).

All that to say I will be absent from here until later this afternoon. We have some place to be tonight unless she decides she doesn’t want to go (it is not required to be there). That, like the rest of the day, will be entirely up to her.

Meanwhile, have a great day!

#AlexanderUpdate#PrayerAnswered!!

Monday, January 27th, 2020

Okay, so I had been posting about 20 month old Alexander this past week.  You can read my past posts about him here and here and here.   I didn’t post over the weekend due to my schedule so I thought I would keep you updated as of yesterday (Sunday). The following was posted on FB (which I am not on) but forwarded to me by Jo.

Everyone is amazed at how well Alexander is doing and they plan to send us home this week! Praise God for His hand in all of this…there is no other explanation than Him. Alexander came into this surgery having not had the best odds in his favor due to recent illnesses, sinus gunk/cough as well as the fact that the surgeons were not sure there was anything they could do to fix the issue with his heart. Now they might send him home less than a week after open heart surgery where he was on the bypass machine (harder on the recovery than if he wasn’t)! Nothing less than a miracle how well he is doing. Thanks for all the prayers.
He is still in some pain but manageable with Tylenol and we are still struggling to get him to drink anything (but we still have his feeding tube so he is getting some nutrition thru it as much as he will tolerate it). Overall we could not be happier! He faces more procedures in the future but if things go as planned they should be able to do them with a Heart Catheterization and no more open heart surgeries! For the next couple months he will have to stay away from people and germs and we have to be careful how he is picked up (never under the arms as usual) so we don’t mess up his incision site but these are small hurdles compared to how far this little superhero has come!

Is that not awesome? I only use that word when it refers to God or something God has done. And so I have to say this is A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!!! And here is something that will steal your heart:

I told Christine when I found out Alexander would be born with a heart defect and that she and Jimmy never questioned whether keeping him was an option or not, I believed God has some special plan for His life. No one knows what that is except for God Himself. But even now, God’s miraculous work in his life is nothing short of incredible. What a testimony this little guy already has! Kudos to the doctors and staff at Riley Children’s Hospital in Indianapolis. Kudos to Jimmy & Christine for the love and trust they have shown to love Alexander as every child should be loved- #real definition of heroes. Kudos to Eliza and Isabella (his sisters) for their understanding of mom and dad’s time and their love for their brother. But more praise goes to the Father for His loving care of His little lamb.

Thanks to you for your prayers. You don’t even know him but have been praying.

#ChristmasChallenge#Post17

Tuesday, December 17th, 2019

I am late to the #ChristmasChallenge today. But I have a good reason!

Yeah, we are the “fun recipients” of our second day of the Winter Wonderland.  Yesterday’s was about 5 inches, enough to cancel the local school system, but it was more slushy than anything. We got the second round yesterday afternoon, and then a third wave last night (but I was asleep so couldn’t prove it by me). Except…the shoveling of the walk and driveway and scraping of the truck at home, then getting here to the office and shoveling the walks and part of the parking lot for walking.  There is another leg to the walk off to the right. Since I am the first one here I usually do it and really don’t mind. (And, believe it or not, that walk was totally clear just 15 minutes before I started writing this post). Today is even more important because of what happens today.

Today…Diana (the church secretary/office manager) gets to distribute HOPE to bunches of families, especially kids. Every year OVCF, the church I pastor, has done our own version of the Angel Tree. Diana sort of spearheads that and we call it The Giving Tree. We ask people to submit names of families/kids whom they know need help this Christmas. We then put the names on a tree and ask our people to take them and buy what is listed. This year we blew away all previous years. OVCF (not the organization but the people) is providing Christmas HOPE to close to 40 people. Our previous high was about 26. We do children, but we also try to include the parents with gift cards or needed coats/gloves/boots and even food cards. One of our ladies works at the local bank and she and some of her coworkers  took some names and bought gifts for the tree.  It was wonderful helping to carry some of the bags to the tables where Diana will meet the parents and give them the gifts today, and some tonight. Unwrapped, but provided with wrapping paper so they can have that joy. (If you consider that fun) 🙂

HOPE is a companion to my last three posts: LOVE. JOY. PEACE. The story of Christmas-the story of Jesus’ birth-is a story of HOPE. Take that away and we have nothing. We can’t live without HOPE.  Our small token of hope-giving for the children and parents of people who have had a rough year pales in comparison to the HOPE given to us by a simple birth in a manger.

LOVE. JOY. PEACE. HOPE. The four sorta go hand in hand don’t they? What gifts we have been given!! Give HOPE to someone today.

{And as a side light: can you now see why I am absolutely thrilled to be the pastor of these people? And what makes it even more incredible is some of the names were given after our deadline and except for about 2 or 3, all of them were taken and provided for by the people}.

Check out a fellow #ChristmasChallenge blogger here. This is short but poignant. Thanks Diane.

#ChristmasChallenge#Post13#Gifts!#Don’tMissThem

Friday, December 13th, 2019

In his book When God Whispers Your Name, Max Lucado wrote about a fictional game called “What’s Your Price?” The contestants were presented with options and must choose one. The pot was fed more when the price was 10 million dollars. You might be shocked to know what some of the choices were:

  • 25% would abandon their family.
  • 25% would abandon their church.
  • 23% would become a prostitute for a week.
  • 16% would give up their American citizenship.
  • 16% would leave their spouse.
  • 3% would put their children up for adoption.

That’s not counting the 7% who said they would murder; the 6% who would change their race; and the 4% who would change their sex.  I realize some may choose to argue with those stats…that’s okay. But that leads me to a point.  For whatever reason, we are becoming (some have already become) people of no commitment.

As a result, we are often missing out on the three gifts most people would love to have: Love. Joy. Peace.  Those three ideas are probably the most talked about gifts people want and need for Christmas.

I’m posting this today and then will be using those three as “seed” for my #ChristmasChallenge. They are the crux of my sermon Sunday so I would appreciate your prayers as we get closer to Christmas and try even more to bring the focus on Jesus. Thanks.

#ChristmasChallenge#Post12

Thursday, December 12th, 2019

I have been blogging each day as part of a #ChristmasChallenge I asked others to participate in. Due to my schedule I have been using virtually the same post here and at my other blog. But this one is different. This will stand alone from my other blog.  So…I give you my thoughts on this sensitive topic.

Recently we have had two holidays together which emphasize family, love, happy times and togetherness. For many they are anything but. For various reasons pain, hurt, emptiness, loneliness and depression are more apparent than the aforementioned family, love, happy times and togetherness.

Consider why:

  • A divorce has rocked the world of a woman or a man or their children.
  • A downturn at work has left him or her out of work.
  • An ugly spat has taken away family unity.
  • A death of a loved one is a painful memory that crops up even bigger during this time.
  • Friends are visiting out of town.
  • Family is unable to make the trip to see you or visa versa.
  • Perhaps you can think of more reasons.

My heart aches for these people. I realize what the church does in offering a lunch at Thanksgiving and a hot breakfast on Christmas morning is a small token when compared to the price of loneliness or pain.  Making our presence felt is needed more than just those special times.

When I look around-when you look around- we see people all around us going through the motions of life. Aimless. Heartbroken. Lonely.  Out of sorts. And sadly, it is just as easy to miss them. Avoiding their eyes. Rushing past their pain. Ignoring their tears.

BUT…and this is a big BUT…if we are to have the heart of Christ, we can’t pass by unaffected or closed off.  Having the mind and heart of Jesus demands we see people through eyes of love and compassion.

So let me challenge you this year to keep your eyes and heart open to really “see” other people. Reach out. Invite them to your family gathering. Take them a meal or take them out for one. See if there is something they need done which they are unable to do, but perhaps you can help by doing it or having someone else help. Speak to people as you see them. Don’t ignore them or divert your eyes.

The following song is on one of my favorite Christmas albums. It is not a “spiritual” Christmas song by any stretch but does touch on my thoughts for this post. And yes, it was partly responsible for me writing what I have.

https://youtu.be/V3Z3-z8eXuM

If you have trouble with understanding the lyrics, underneath the video is a “Show More” tab.  Click it and the lyrics will show up.

I encourage you to check out my fellow #ChristmasChallenge bloggers.

Diane at Hadarah.

Ed at Word!

 

#HardReads#Abuse#Essential#Review

Wednesday, November 20th, 2019

I haven’t been on here much lately. There are various reasons but they are legitimate. Least I think so. 🙂 First, there is that thing called “work.” You know…that thing that helps pay the bills; gets me up in the morning; has me traveling to multiple hospitals. You know…non-essential stuff.

Then (and this may not seem legitimate to you but is to me) I have been doing a copious amount of reading. Aside from my regular sermon prep time and my at-home Quiet Time, I have been a “reading fool” of late. I have started some books and laid them aside because another has taken precedence or is more relevant at the time.  This review is going to be of two of the three powerful and impactful books I have read recently. The reason is they are along the same subject line. Another review will follow on the third book, which is completely opposite of these two. I read it for that very reason.

My first review is on a book I simply had trouble putting down. It was one of those sad, “I hate to read this book” book, but it was also contemporary because of its recent news coverage and its topic.  What Is a Girl Worth? by Rachel Denhollander is a non-fiction account of her coming to grips with the United States Gymnastics Association (USGA) and her abuse at the hands of the gymnastics sports doctor, Larry Nasser.

What Is a Girl Worth?: My Story of Breaking the Silence and Exposing the Truth about Larry Nassar and USA Gymnastics (Hardcover)

Rachel was working her hardest to become a world-class gymnast when physical issues led her to a sports doctor who was recommended by many others- Dr. Larry Nasser. The abuse began immediately but it took awhile for her to realize what was happening. Strange thing: her mother was in the room and Dr. Nasser did it in such a way to hide it from her so that she had no idea what was happening. Rachel was the first to speak up against Dr. Nasser’s abuse. Rachel became the trickle which became a waterfall which became a hurricane with gale force winds that eventually exposed Dr. Nassar and those complicit with him.

This was a hard book to read and I wept as I read some of it. Be prepared to be convicted; alerted; informed; and even a tad bit angry as you read her story. Stonewalling. Denial. Cover up. Finally justice for Rachel and countless other young girl gymnasts. Rachel is a Christ-follower and makes that known almost immediately. It even comes out in her presentation at Nasser’s trial. She also helps the reader understand why the “wheels of justice turn slowly.”

The other book was a bit different. More clinical and technical and far more biblical. Not that Rachel’s wasn’t but it wasn’t the same type of book. Not Forsaken by Jennifer Michelle Greenberg is her story of life after abuse.

Not Forsaken: A Story of Life After Abuse: How Faith Brought One Woman From Victim to Survivor

This abuse was (in many eyes) much more hideous. The abuser was her father, a man who studied and taught the Bible in church but was totally different at home. Her mother helped cover it up. Jennifer’s abuse was mental, physical, and at times sexual. This is her tale of coming to grips with it all. Her book is different from Rachel’s book in that Jennifer’s book analyzes and shows how the abuse from her father clouded everything-her relationships with men, especially her husband, and her relationship with God. Like I said, far more technical in that she spends a lot of time helping the reader understand her mental state and spiritual struggle as she came to grips with her father’s abuse.

I would highly recommend both books.  I still have one more book to read along the same lines called Becoming a Church that Cares Well for The Abused by Brad Hambrick (General Editor), which also includes material from Rachel. But after reading these two books I had to take a break. That is where my next review comes into play.  If you choose to read these two books, bring a Kleenex and check your anger at the door.

#Servant#Don’tForget#3Essentials

Friday, November 1st, 2019

Ever since 2009 the church I pastor has had a Day of Service (DoS). It is a day where we serve the community.  Our first one was humble in its efforts but very successful. We changed oil and did some light mechanical work as well as help people who were unable to get things done to their houses (prepare for winter, clean up after the flood, and more). We missed a year or two as we found our footing at our newly purchased building but eventually we “got it going” again. Then we saw the need to do two a year. We invited another church to join us and then two others. They fizzled out before they started but the first invite (The Connection) formed a great working relationship with us. The Spring DoS was cleaning up after winter’s havoc, preparing flowerbeds, and general maintenance. The Fall DoS involved the mechanical work on vehicles, cleaning gutters, as well as getting ready for winter. This year (2019) we had one in the Spring but had some unfinished work so OVCF took it upon ourselves to finish the two jobs that needed done.  Our last 2-3 efforts also involved the Owen County Chamber of Commerce.

All things change. After the two very tedious jobs this year which required a lot of man hours, I started feeling unsettled about asking our people to go to the well one more time. Then I studied for the first letter in Revelation-the letter to the church at Ephesus- where Jesus commended them for their hard work and service, but had one thing against them: they had left their first love. So I started praying and meditating on that and realized those words were very relevant to us. So during that sermon I told them my thoughts and that I was calling off the DoS (It was considered “my baby” by the others) for the Fall. I “felt” God was saying, “Bill, you guys have been so busy doing for Me, it is time to just be with me.”  So this Sunday we are having an afternoon of a Guided Prayer Time through different “stations” in our building. From 1-3:30 this place will truly be a Holy Place. My next post will tell you more about it.

But I decided to carry on with my initial sermon for that Sunday and to develop a whole month of sermons. My theme is “Servants” and my Scripture this Sunday is from Micah 6:6-8.  The Scripture tells us three items every follower of Christ (a servant) needs to have:

  • Do justice
  • Love mercy
  • Walk humbly with God

I would appreciate your prayers for me this weekend. I would especially love it if you would pray for the church as we meet. Learning to be a servant who does those three acts is absolutely essential.

I will be closing the sermon with this song.  Hope you enjoy it.