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Depression1

Monday, June 16th, 2014

When I was running a series called Second Chances, Kari Scare wrote about her struggle with depression. Through a series of questions and emails, I asked if she would consider writing more about her struggle and how she (with God’s help) overcame it. I shot her some questions and we decided to “run it” as sort of an interview. Due to length, it has been divided into five conversations. This is the first. The others will follow at one each week.

Do you mind sharing your story of depression with us? How long did you suffer? What do you think was the cause? How did it affect you? Did you ever feel hopeless?

Depression fully entered my life around age 10 (4th grade). The severity waxed and waned through high school with the lowest points coming during my twenties. Actual diagnoses came around age 22, just a year or so after getting married.

As a child and through high school, I was very emotional and cried easily. I even had the nickname “baby” stick with me from 4th through 8th grade. In my twenties, I became pretty volatile and hit a desperate low, considering suicide at various times. Around age 28, light broke through the heavy cloud in my mind, and I began the climb out of the pit. Still unpredictable emotionally and still a regular pit-dweller, I began visiting the edge of the pit. My 30s can be characterized by discovering and dealing with root causes. Lots of ups and downs still during this time, but the lows became not quite as low and got continually higher as I slowly but surely dealt with the various causes.

The causes of depression for me were many and varied. I held unforgiveness toward an absent father and toward an older family member who showed me porn at a very young age. I had some very unhealthy thought patterns that needed reprogrammed along with some pretty poor relational habits. In many ways, I really had no way to even deal with the emotions of life, not even to identify what I was feeling and experiencing.

Added to all of that, I had some significant health issues (food allergy, food sensitivities, thyroid issues, hormonal imbalance & adrenal fatigue) that made climbing out of the pit nearly impossible. Then there was my inability to take personal responsibility for myself or to even recognize the need to do so as well as being pretty confused about who this distant God of the universe was.

I definitely felt hopeless at times, but there was always the slight hope of a hope that God was real and would not leave me to sink in the mud of the pit that was my life and had been for so very long. That hope literally kept me alive. A positive that came out of that hopelessness, which I know sounds very strange to say, is a realization of how powerless I was to change myself. With all my efforts, I could improve but never overcome. I could skirt the edge of the pit at times but never really be free from falling back in pretty regularly. There was always more struggle than anything else with true victory seeming only a fairytale.

Even as I answer these questions, I remember the feelings of that old life. I need to remember them once in a while and to be reminded of where I came from, so I can better appreciate where I am today. Remembering life in the pit provides tremendous motivation for doing whatever I need to do to make sure I never go back no matter what happens in my life.

Kari has really opened her heart and life to all of us. Any thoughts you want to bring or questions to ask?

Posted in Christian living, Guest post, Second Chance | 21 Responses »

TC’sSecondChance

Monday, June 2nd, 2014

I have been running a Second Chance series. After last week’s open invitation here I had several others step forward and say they would like to share their story. Memorial Day sort of put me behind the 8-ball so I will feature TC’s today and then one or two next week. I really appreciate TC’s honesty in her blogs, but never more than here.

Faith Like a Child.

“Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” Mark 10:15 NIV

I was a teen when I believed Jesus died for my sins. My faith was new, fresh, open…like a child’s.

But as I aged, I grew skeptical of things unseen. My faith weakened as my worldly education increased. By the time I had my RN license my faith was limited to God being able to save me from hell, but unable to do more.

Medicine and science could explain anything: including why my body failed me.

You see, I couldn’t do one thing a female is created to do—reproduce.

After having endometriosis removed twice, experiencing three miscarriages—one at 20 weeks gestation—and having second opinions, I believed I would never experience the joys of motherhood.

I gave up hope.

My Christian family couldn’t believe my lack of faith. Their well meaning words fell on deaf ears. Couldn’t they understand there was nothing I could do? It didn’t matter how much I wanted a baby, I was never going to have one.

I convinced myself it was God’s will. If He wanted me to have a baby, He could have already made it happen.

So I followed my doctor’s advice—I scheduled a hysterectomy.

Unsurprisingly my family disagreed with my decision. They were very vocal about it too. Calling me numerous times, asking me to not be rash—like this was rash, it was years in the making—asking me to please trust God.

I died a little each time they called.

Didn’t they understand this wasn’t what I wanted? It was something I had to accept, something my husband had to accept, why couldn’t they?

If they only had a medical background they’d understand. You can’t argue with facts. And the facts said I wasn’t going to be a mom.

Yet, despite my adamant belief that medicine was right and faith wouldn’t change anything, I didn’t have peace about my decision. So a few days before the hysterectomy, I cancelled it.

My family took this as a positive sign. I viewed it differently—I simply didn’t want the possibility of hormone replacement. There was no “new” faith in God’s abilities.

Then my sister and her husband made an unexpected visit. They talked with me about all the times Jesus healed people in the Bible. The more they spoke God’s Word, the more I found myself hoping.

Maybe I could have a baby?

Maybe if I asked God, He’d say, “yes”!

So in my living room, I allowed them to pray for me. As they prayed I cried. I humbled myself and asked God for the one thing I thought was physically, medically, and completely impossible—a healthy baby, born full term.

After they left I wondered how I was going to tell my husband my new decision. What would he think? He’d been so supportive, but it wasn’t fair the emotional roller coaster I was putting him through.

Of course, he was thrilled to try (wink). Four weeks later, I took a pregnancy test…it was positive.

I couldn’t believe it. God answered my prayers! I was going to be a mom!

In the back of my mind doubts lingered, but I began to relax as each month progressed without complication.

My faith grew.

I was being given a second chance!

A chance I never dared to believe would happen for me.

Today, I can tell you with full confidence—nothing is too hard for God.

Dare to trust Him.

Dare to ask Him for the impossible.

And NEVER trust science or medicine more than the Word of God(click to tweet).

The Word is ALIVE. And it has the power to change your life…if you will dare to have faith like a child. Faith that knows no limit on what God can do. Faith that trusts in God more than anything in this world.

 

BIO- TC Avey is a Christian devoted to God, family and friends. She is passionate about encouraging Christians to live a life dedicated to Christ as well as helping them understand the importance of preserving our national freedoms through knowledge and love. She blogs at Wisdom of a Fool. You can also follow her on Twitter and GoodReads. Her book, The Precipice: When Everything We Know Ends, is available for purchase on Amazon by clicking here.

Posted in Family, God, Second Chance, Story | 67 Responses »

David’sSecondChance

Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

I admit it. I asked David to write on this particular subject because I know some of you have experienced it and/or we know someone who has. What is it?

D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

David has experienced the ugliness of divorce, but I didn’t know his story. So I asked him to share it with you. David blogs here and also writes for High Calling. Here’s David’s Second Chance:

From Never Summer to Constant Spring

Finding Second Chances After Divorce

When my wife left after 26 years, I thought my world was over. I really knew no other life. You see, we had married as teenagers, stars in our eyes. We grew up together, raised children, and then somewhere along the way, I lost her. Like a kite on a string in a hurricane, she was pulled to the storm.

While she walked the Prodigal’s trail I held on to the robe, waiting. I replayed a hundred scenes in my mind and rewrote the ending differently in every one of them. But for her, there was no way to autocorrect the wrongs she felt. There was no backspace to delete my selfishness. There were no more words I could offer. The return never came. She was gone.

I felt the shame of a leader who was divorced, a man who “must have done something wrong,” of a Christian who had lost his most precious gift.

There’s a mountain range nearby called, “Never Summer”. It’s aptly named, as most of the peaks are above the treeline. Barren, the granite rocks give foothold to alpine moss that creeps at a miniscule rate of growth. A few ground creatures eke out a life. But really, it’s just one long winter.

To be honest, I was ready to camp on that mountain, to set up a permanent structure of self-loathing. Just me and God, if he would have me. I was self-righteous and self absorbed and felt I was the victim, although I was just a much the provocateur.But a funny thing happened on the way to despair. I had some wise advice from a pastor to “write my way out of the darkness.”

So I did. I would work at my job and then come home. For months, I engaged in feverish blogging. And then writing and editing for The High Calling. I even got to edit a marriage book. Now that was the ultimate in God’s sense of humor. Along the way I saw my own sin, discovered God again, and found a way out of the foggy path.

Here I am, just a few years out, and I stand amazed. I was broken. Busted.Shamed. But today, I have found someone who has restored my faith in love. I have a couple of books with my name on them and and hundreds of writings between today and that very dark time. I have a new interest in life, in exploration and learning and adventure.Suddenly, I feel like constant spring.

I was thinking about it. God willing, based on my age, I can have another 26 years ahead of me of good health and mind and spirit.Despite the frightful ending to the previous 26, I have a chance to start over again, to have an entirely new life ahead of me.

Rather than run from my darkness, my sin, my sadness, I am embracing it.  By making it my own, embedding it as part of my history, I can tell the story of today with vigor and vitality. I was once lost — ashamed, naked, afraid — but now I am found. I hold on to the darkness because it makes my Light all the brighter.

Second chance? Yeah. That’s me.

Any thoughts you would like to share?

And remember: if you would like to tell your Second Chance story contact me here.

 

Posted in Christian living, Second Chance, Story | 17 Responses »

News

Tuesday, May 20th, 2014

I have thoroughly enjoyed the series I have been running the past couple of weeks on Second Chances. I will be posting my last one Wednesday night at 8:00 and it will run all day Thursday. It is the last one if, and only if, I get no one else willing to write one. 🙂 I asked for volunteers and I even contacted a few. Those whom you have read have been a mixture of both.

What is evident is each story is unique to the individual. When I finally wrap up this series, I plan to highlight each post with a small recap of one or two words to show how each of us have a story and how we reach different people because of it.

BUT I MAKE THAT OFFER AGAIN. I WOULD LOVE TO ADD YOUR SECOND CHANCE STORY (WHETHER IT BE BIG OR SMALL) TO MY SERIES. PLEASE EMAIL ME TO TELL ME YOU WILL DO IT AND I WILL EXTEND IT. 

I do have one I am waiting on but he warned me it would take him awhile. 🙂

One major good thing has come out of it: Kari, who posted here and told about her bout with depression and God’s second chance, has agreed to follow up for me with a series of at least 4 posts on depression, anxiety, and related items. We are going to do it like a Q&A. Because of commitments she has in writing, it will begin the week of June 16th.

I hope you have enjoyed the series.

Now…are you willing to write a post? 😉

Please let me know.

How has the series helped you?

Posted in Christian living, Pick me Up, Second Chance | 20 Responses »

Floyd’sSecondChance

Monday, May 19th, 2014

If you have been following my blog you know I have been doing a series on Second Chances. Rather than put a whole series of links to direct you to each story, I’ll just ask you to go to this post where all but today’s can be linked from.  Today’s post is from someone who has rapidly become one of my dearest “friends” via the internet. We have never met in person, but we have spent plenty of time burning up the internet in comments and personal emails. There is no doubt in my mind that if we were to meet it would be as if we had known each other all our lives. Floyd blogs at www.theregoi.com. If you haven’t been reading his you need to. (That’ll cost you Floyd for me saying that). Here’s Floyd writing about his Second Chance.

MOUNT PRIDE

You hear things, can memorize them, think you truly get the meaning behind the words, and still be found weighed, measured, and severely wanting. No wonder Solomon told us wisdom is more valuable than gold or silver.

It’s the things we can’t see, like wisdom, that end up being the most expensive item on the menu, the invisible one that is.

“Pride goeth before a fall’, young man!” I heard more than once.

I thought to myself, “Yeah, yeah, ‘tis better to give than to receive’ – I know – I know, I’ve heard em’ all.”

I knew the lingo, even learned how to act, how to play the part. I really did want to do right, be good, have my talk match my walk. False humility might get you an Oscar, but it can’t begin to crack the code for character.

People with a lot of pride tend to justify their actions, even use some Bible stories to back them up, I know I’m one of them. Folks with all that pride are really just hiding their immense insecurity, wanting others to think much of them.

Around twenty years ago, I was paying a few laborers cash, the street term is “under the table”. It was easy enough to justify, I called it “survival” at the time. A few years later when the IRS came knockin’, they dug up things I thought we’d done by the book. I even had a seasoned bookkeeper swear to it, but that didn’t carry as much weight as a feather with the government.

I thought I was doing pretty well, on my way, my ego was well fed and my pride plump. What I had defined who I was… That’s an ugly trait and contrary to all I knew and had learned, or thought I’d learned. Memorizing isn’t learning – understanding is wisdom.

All that I had was suddenly gone. All that I valued was being taken from me. How I defined myself stripped from me. My pride poured out of me like water into a filthy tan and threadbare carpet that covered the floor in a one bedroom apartment.

I was in the middle of a divorce, lonely, and finally at the end of myself.

“Okay, Father… I surrender… I lay down my pride… Give me strength to move on in humility from my failure,” I mumbled over and over, face down in someone else’s carpet.

The events of the following months after, are nothing short of miraculous in more ways than monetary. The price of the wisdom I’ve gained, I can truly share, is worth more than any amount of money I might ever get my hands on.

And while I struggle with pride as my weakness, I’ll never again be that person who defines myself by what I have. I define myself by Who I serve. I’m reminded of that in many ways, one of which was written for folks like me, “Pride goes before a fall.”

I have this sneaking suspicion Floyd is not alone. Well…at least I would have to stand (or is that be face down) with him.

 Any comments you would like to make?

 

 

Posted in Guest post, Second Chance | 58 Responses »

Dan’sSecondChance

Tuesday, May 13th, 2014

I have been running a series on Second Chances. Mine is here. Daniel’s here. Zee’s here. Eileen’s here. Wolf’s here. Kari’s here. Anonymous here. Today’s Second Chance story comes from Dan, who blogs at two places, here and at hip diggs. Dan has an interesting story. You can read about it in his two books (which are semi-autobiographical fiction).  Here is Dan’s story:

Reach Up and Trust God

When Pastor Bill asked me to write a post about second chances, I jumped at the chance in a second. After all, if anyone knows about second chances, it’s me. I was the child victim of a religious cult. I struggled with drugs and alcohol as young adult. I’ve struggled with paranoid thoughts. I’ve been through a divorce. I’ve lost a child. I feel adequately qualified to write about second chances… and third and fourth and fifth chances.

We’ve all heard stories about people who have found themselves at rock bottom to discover they only had one way to go: up. We’ve also heard the sad stories about the ones who hit rock bottom and got stuck. I think about musicians like Jimi Hendrix, Gram Parsons and Kurt Cobain. Like many others, their addictions led to death.

I’ve never quite felt like I’ve hit rock bottom, but with my victimized and addicted past, I’ve definitely wandered off the straight and narrow and was in danger off drifting off into oblivion. But I chose to look up before I hit bottom. There’s only one source to whom I can give credit for my second chance in life.

God.

Back in my late twenties when I was in the worst throes of drugs, alcohol and paranoia due to the post-traumatic stress of being abused and indoctrinated by a megalomaniac cult leader, I fell to my knees, cried out, and looked up to God. He heard me. But what I didn’t realize then was that God wasn’t up in the sky. It took time, study, and prayer to discover that God is in my heart. God’s power is right here. He’s always with me. He’s always with you. He’s with each and every one of us. But you have to ask Him to help. You have to trust in Him.

In July of 1993 that’s exactly what I did. I was already a believer at the time, I just wasn’t acting like it, and I wasn’t trusting God. One night, in a drunken and stoned panic, I asked my brother to drive me to a Christian friend’s house. That was the beginning of a new life. My friend and I prayed and God began to work in my life.

I went back to college and studied until I received my master’s degree. I found my career calling as a college instructor. I began to keep a journal which eventually led to my first book, A Train Called Forgiveness, the story about my coming to terms with and forgiving those who harmed me in the past.

If that’s not a second chance, I don’t know what is. And if that’s not divine, nothing is. To add blessings upon blessings, God gave me a beautiful daughter and a wonderful home.

Second chances are available to anyone. And here’s the best part. They’re free. All you have to do is reach up and trust God.

______________

Dan Erickson is a teacher, a writer, a poet, and a songwriter. He is the father of a beautiful girl and a follower of Christ. He’s written two books, A Train Called Forgiveness, and At the Crossing of Justice and Mercy. You can learn more about Dan and read some of his work on his blog at http://www.danerickson.net.

Any thoughts you want to share with Dan? BTW: Dan wrote a great article on divorce here. 

Posted in God, Second Chance, Story | 18 Responses »

AnonymousSecondChance

Sunday, May 11th, 2014

If you have been with me over the past couple of weeks, I have been featuring some of my readers and their second chances. You can read mine here. Daniel’s here. Zee’s here. Eileen’s here. Wolf’s here. Kari’s here. Today I will be featuring an anonymous Second Chance sent to me by email.

My favorite second chance story is about Mark who was my best friend through junior high and first two years of high school before we began dating exclusively, which lasted for another two years.  At the end of the two years we finally had to go our separate ways due to some issues that apparently could not be resolved while staying together.

Somewhere around 15 years later my mother ran into his brother and, the long story made short, he called me.  We talked long distance (back when that mattered) for 4 1/2 hours. During this time we gave each other the high speed run down of the past 15 or so years starting with our own perspectives of “the break up” and continuing on the path to what was then the present day.

I was able to tell him of my husband and our four children, our church family, the latest of my extended family, etc.  It was a beautiful story and I sincerely thrilled to share it.

Then he began to share his story.  As he began, it unfolded into a sad and empty life of two divorces, with an unmarried relationship in between, one adopted child, and three fathered children (one lost to SIDS), scattered into different states.  The more he told me the more the tears ran down my face.  His fifteen years were a sharp contrast to mine which had been full and blessed by God.

As we sat there silently reflecting, both contrasting the stories, he spoke up and said that my life was closer to the one he had dreamed for himself. I sat silently for just another moment.  Then I quickly prayed, took a breath, and jumped in:

“Mark, I’m going to say something to you, knowing it may mean I don’t hear from you for another 15 years.  But nobody gets a second chance like this so it would be very wrong of me to keep quiet…again.

“When we were young, I introduced you to my family, my church, and both of my youth groups.  I took you roller skating with them and even to a Christian concert.  But I never introduced you to my Best Friend, Jesus.”

Then I sat quietly waiting for some sort of response.  I heard neither a reply, nor the click of him hanging up the receiver.  Just silence.  When I asked if he was still on the line, he said, “Wow, that’s what my friends Aaron and Erin (a married couple) have been telling me for three months.  I can see that Someone is trying to get my attention.”

We went on talking that night and for several months after that.  We spoke on the phone, in letters, email, and in person.  He became a family favorite at the house.  He called me from a Christian bookstore asking for help choosing a Bible.  He came to the Lord, married a lady youth pastor, had two daughters and does his best by the other children (as they permit). He is now one of my strongest prayer warriors.

That is, by far, my favorite second chance story, though I have others.

Any similar experiences out there? Thanks to my anonymous friend. I kept my promise to keep it just that. 😀

 

Posted in Christian living, Friendship, Second Chance, Story | 13 Responses »

Kari’sSecondChance

Wednesday, May 7th, 2014

Welcome to a continuing series on Second Chances. In case you are “late to the party,” here are the others. The inspiration. Mine. Daniel. Zee. Eileen.  Wolf’s.

Depression is one of those “forgotten” illnesses. The stigma which hung on that word was ugly. It is a bit more understood these days and the stigma is not as great. There are different kinds and degrees of depression. My guest for today is Kari Scare who blogs here. I’m guessing I started reading Kari after seeing her comment elsewhere.  🙂 She is a fantastic writer with a knack for hitting home with biblical truth and practical application. Here is her story:

Learning from Jonah

What do you remember about the story of Jonah from Sunday School? Maybe you remember Jonah’s change of mind toward obedience, him being thrown into the water or spit out by the whale, or the Ninevites’ change of heart toward God. Whatever first comes to mind, I’m guessing it’s not the plant at the end of the story.

The dead plant doesn’t get much attention in Sunday School class. I all but forgot about it until my oldest (now 15) got interested in Veggie Tales around age 3. Now, two things stick out when I think of Jonah.

  1. God is a god of second chances.
  2. Jonah showed the most emotion when the plant died, and we never hear of him again. (Jonah 4)

Jonah got angry when God gave the people of Ninevah a second chance. He got even angrier to the point of death when the shade-giving plant God gave him died. Let’s consider Jonah’s reactions in this story.

  1. He didn’t like having his plans changed.
  2. He played the “I told you so” card with God.
  3. He got embarrassed because what he predicted didn’t happen.
  4. He showed more concern for his own comfort than the spiritual welfare of others.
  5. He knew about God but failed to have a relationship with Him.

Unfortunately, Jonah’s story, especially his anger, reflects my own second-chance story all too well.

My Second Chance Story

For years, I wallowed in depression, refusing to see God’s compassion and mercy in my life. I threw tantrums when my plans were changed, and I hated appearing wrong. What others thought of me drove me to run away and avoid any discomfort. I knew about God – grew up going to church – but the spiritual state of anyone mattered little because caring meant confronting out-of-control emotion, and that mean discomfort. No thanks. I’d rather die.

Over time, God changed my heart from one focused on self to one that cared for others. He defeated my egotistical temper and replaced it with compassion and mercy. Through His Holy Spirit, God showed me the value of discomfort and how it could teach me to truly live. Through His Word, He developed a relationship with me that focused on pleasing Him instead of creating comfort.

I’m not sure what happened to Jonah after the plant died, but I know the same compassion and mercy God had for the Ninevites and that seemed lost on Jonah is the same compassion and mercy He has for me and for anyone who turns to Him.

Now when the plants die in my life and my shaded comfort disappears, God’s compassion and mercy – the avenues of second chances – turn me toward Him. They encourage me to push through embarrassment and toward relationship. God’s compassion and mercy drastically altered the course of my life and they’ll do the same for your life too.

DISCUSSION: What impact has God’s compassion and mercy had upon your life?

Kari has already asked the question for discussion. I’ll add one or two. Have you known someone who has struggled with depression? How did you handle it/encourage getting help?

 

Posted in Christian living, God, Pick me Up, Second Chance, Story | 29 Responses »

Wolf’sSecondChance

Tuesday, May 6th, 2014

This was not part of my original series on Second Chances but once I saw it I had to add it. This video clip is only 1:51 long but well worth your time. Also if you go to the YouTube page you will be able to see more and longer videos of this story. Personally, I think this will whet your appetite for more.

Here is the video.

What an incredible testimony on several levels!

The love of a husband.

The love of a child.

The power of love.

The strength of will Katherine displays in her desire to recover.

The love, power and faithfulness of God.

Pass the video along please. Check out the video you can find on YouTube “Not professional…” and play to the end for a special announcement.

Is there someone you can share this with?

Posted in Christian living, Pick me Up, Second Chance, Story | 12 Responses »

Eileen’sSecondChance

Monday, May 5th, 2014

This is a continuation of my Second Chance posts by guests. You can the read  the inspiration for it here. My first one here. Daniel’s here. Zee’s here.

Today I’d like to introduce you to Eileen’s Second Chance. I am not really sure how I came to begin reading her blog (probably saw here elsewhere and decided to read), but Eileen writes with a genuine candor and honesty. She, her husband and son recently moved to Georgia from Carolina and saw God’s hand in the whole thing. Eileen blogs at The Scenic Route. Here is her story.

Letting go has often happened in stages in my life. As I look back, I notice that the Lord always does an incredible amount of prep work on my heart before I’ve actually made the choice to surrender. I’ve often said that I think God is so patient with us. There are two pivotal and truly significant letting go moments I can remember in my life. The first occurred after a failed marriage when I was 27 years old.

I lost my mom to cancer when I was 18. After she was gone, I got this bright idea that maybe I could do a better job at making decisions and choosing directions for my life because God’s plan of taking my mom away (and my best friend) was a real sucky plan. I spent nearly a decade after my mom’s death planning my own life. I ran back to a relationship that had red flags all
around it and became determined to make it work.

For years, instead of acknowledging the red flag feelings I was having, I chose to numb those feeling. My best friend became wine and sometimes I had other friends like rum or vodka join in the party too. As the flags waved all around me, my “friends” were there to distract me. I could escape. I didn’t have to address the flags.

That cycle went on for years. Instead of making the scary choice of leaving the familiar, I stayed and kept myself sufficiently numb. Then one day it happened. The fear of stepping out into the unknown and making a different choice became more appealing than staying and continuing to numb my way through hell.

That’s often when we make the scary changes in our life, isn’t it? It’s when the pain of our current situation becomes so overwhelming that we finally become willing to choose differently. I picked up the phone that day and I called my dad. That was the hardest phone call I’ve ever had to make in my life.

“Dad, things are bad. I can’t do this anymore. I need to get out.”

“Come on home.” he said.

After years of navigating my own life, I was certain of one thing. I stunk
at it!

The Lord and I started talking again on a daily basis. Some days, I would just sit quietly while He spoke truth into my heart. Other times, I asked for advice or cried out to Him for wisdom. Looking back, I have to smile at God’s ability to ignore the big elephant standing in the room with us. You know, that need I had to avoid life’s problems and drink wine instead. At the beginning, He and I really didn’t talk about that issue. It never came up. I really just believe he was happy to have me home again. I guess, that’s one of the reasons I love Him so much today. He didn’t push me or pressure me to change before I was ready. He patiently waited for me and He faithfully kept working on my heart.

It would be almost a year before He and I started to seriously look at my drinking problem. Quite honestly, I thought the problem would just go away, but it didn’t. I remember seeing a skit in church around this time where a lady was arguing with God. She was cleaning house and God wanted access to the room that was locked and she was reluctant to open the door. That was me and drinking. I had given God access to everything else, but I hadn’t yet been willing to open that door.

The journey of doing this became a choice to not turn the volume down on God each time I failed. I think that’s the key to anything in life that God is asking us to surrender. No matter how many times we fail, we must get back up and choose to grab hold of His hand again. It’s so tempting to run away. Yet, each time I made the choice to come back to Him, God did something in my heart. And one morning…I was ready.

That morning was different from all the other mornings. I had a strength inside of me and calm inside of me that I had never known. And for the first time in the process, I was depending on His strength and not my own. He was fighting the battle for me. The months to come were by no means easy, but I had a BIG GOD fighting on my behalf.

Any thoughts?

Posted in Christian living, Family, Second Chance, Story | 26 Responses »

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