Over the past few weeks I have expressed here and here that I feel God is calling me to draw near to Him. One of my readers commented saying:

“God calling me to a time of drawing near to Him” is a totally foreign concept to me. What is it you are waiting on? What do you expect to happen that would end the wait? ”

To be honest: those are very fair questions.

And to be equally honest: I’m not sure I have the answers to them.

It is harder to explain to one who does not share my faith (which he readily admits he doesn’t). But please don’t take that as a slam. I know he won’t. I have often written about using Christianese in our speech-using words and phrases only an “insider” would know. So, yes, it would be a foreign concept to him since he has no idea what I mean.

However, his questions are valid. Very much so. Some of the answers I am waiting for involve the church. Some involve me personally. Some involve my ministry.

The church is in need of some space but we have chosen not to add to our mortgage and finance a huge debt. We want to pay off what we owe first. But it may take awhile since we are not a rich church by any stretch. What to do in the meantime…besides wait?

My wife is retired and that means a change in income. Which also means a change in ability to help. It bugs me I can’t do what I used to be able to do. Some other personal things as well.

Am I leading as i should? Am I setting the example of forward thinking? Am I setting an example of seeking after God? Of being a grace-giving person?

I just know the approach I was taking was not getting me anywhere. I wrote this on February 9th in my Moleskine: “Father, I’m not really sure what is happening in me. I should but I don’t. I don’t know if it is a call from you to realign my priorities better. I’m not sure if you are preparing me for a major life change…I want You more alive in me. I want You to burn in me so I can burn into others. I want to be a world-changer, even if my world is only Spencer or my family or OVCF…You could be using me in a way I never thought…You could be planning to rock my world in a not-so-good way. I don’t know. I just want to be prepared spiritually.So prepare me please. Show me my next step/door. Let me be willing to walk through it, to walk where Your hand leads. My steps are ordered by You.”

I’m not sure I answered Jeff’s questions because I’m not sure I have the answers. But this sort of touches on what I am talking about and what I am asking prayer for.

Got any thoughts?

I apologize for the long post. I try to keep them between 100-250 words. I’ve gone way over that. If you stayed with me, thanks. 🙂

And if you are from OVCF and reading this: this DOES NOT mean I am leaving, planning to leave or want to leave. So don’t even go there. 😉