One of the most common phrases is “Hurting people hurt people.” IMHO that is a pretty fair statement. I have been in the battle long enough to know the devastation done by hurting people. After preaching on bitterness this past Sunday, it has come to the forefront. There is also a fantastic story in the Bible about someone who chose not to allow critical comments to waylay her.
The story is of Mary and is found here. It is the story of Mary anointing Jesus in Bethany.
Mary’s act was not motivated by “return on my investment.” Mary’s act was totally an act of love. It was an act of worship.
Judas saw it as a waste.
Judas reminds me of those cold-hearted people who see only for themselves. Do this for me.
Mary gave it as something pure and valuable. Judas wanted to make it something else.
Jesus saw it for what it was…a shameless gesture of love.
Frankly, there is no waste when someone gives themselves or what they have to Jesus. Too many people are interested in doing and not in being. They are interested in doing things for Jesus (studying, preaching, writing, even evangelizing), but fall short in knowing Jesus, or in loving Him.
THERE IS NOTHING GREATER THAN HONORING AND WORSHIPING THE AUDIENCE OF ONE.
Frank Viola, in his book God’s Favorite Place on Earth gives eight things he has learned when offended by others. I want to close my series of posts on his book with them:
- Christians will hurt your feelings.
- When others hurt you, your spiritual maturity will be revealed.
- God intends to use mistreatments for our good.
- Christians often get offended by reading into words and actions.
- Christians often get offended with a person when they believe false accusations against them.
- What you do with a hurt is a choice you make.
- To be offended by a child of God is to be offended by God.
- You can live free from offense.
As you can imagine something can be said about each one. I’d like to ask you to do something. Pick one that stands out to you; chew on it; ask God about it; then, if you feel led, share it with others readers here.
So…which one did you pick?
Thought provoking post here, especially the list at the end. I would say the one that jumped out to me is how we deal with hurt. I tend to wear it like a cloak, regardless of whether I want to or not.
Thanks Daniel. I used to wear the hurt as well. Sort of like a badge of honor: “see, I am suffering for Jesus.” Nope. And no more.
I’be seen #4 in action quite often through live and been guilty of it. Instead of going to someone and clearing the matter up, one person will sit there and just imagine all sorts of motivations that the other person has.
Big problem Larry. Our minds can play all kinds of games with us and work up sorts of scenarios.
Good stuff here – I’ll have to respond in depth later when I’m less tired. Just got back from being in Minneapolis over the weekend, and just started reading the book myself – thanks, Bill, for the library addition 🙂
Thanks Rick. Look forward to hearing from you later. 🙂
I’ve seen #4 happen often in my ministry. There is always a temptation to read into what person said and assume there was an intent that wasn’t really there. The best thing to do is give the benefit of the doubt. A little trust can go a long way!
Welcome Caleb! I do think #4 is more common than we would like. Assumption is not a good thing and plays havoc with our hearts and minds. Thanks for coming by.
6. What you do with a hurt is a choice you make.
My wife have tried to teach our kids that getting hurt happens… it’s called life. How you respond to that hurt is called character.
That is so true Jay. The only one not hurt is the one who never puts himself out there or is delusional that all people like him. It does happen.
The point about our maturity being revealed is very true, but the one that stands out to me personally is the one that states what we do with a hurt is our choice. I think we so underestimate the value and power of our free will. It’s also true that the ones closest to us can hurt us the most… we just have to see past the hurt and insecurities in all of us…
you and Jay are on the same page Floyd. It is so important seeing past the hurt. At least if we are to ever move on.
Great post.
I recently had an experience where miscommunication caused friction. Two people both thought other was mad and wanted to give them space to cool off, a few months later they talked and realized neither party had been mad.
Think if they’d just talked?
#7 is one I’ll be chewing on.
Thanks, Bill.
Thanks TC. Interesting scenario you presented. Yeah, if they had only talked.
#7 has been the most helpful truth for me. I have been rejected by other Christians and have had to admit the truth that God permitted it. David was being insulted Shimei and when his servant wanted to stop him, David said in essence, “Who am I to stop him if the Lord has told him to curse me?” 2 Sam. 16
The humility of that attitude encourages me to persevere when I am hurt, too.
You and TC both picked #7 Melanie. I would really like to figure out what David’s motive was for telling Solomon to take care of Shimei if he had that attitude to start with. (I missed that btw). Thanks for the comment.
Definitely my maturity (2). When i am not walking with God, I sulk, I lash out, I react.
When I am walking with God, I calmly reply, lovingly take the rebuke, and honestly evaluate the situation.
That is the reaction that is expected David. We “act our age” so to speak. I am there with you.
It’s number 6 for me. I used to be very quick to lash back at those who hurt my feelings or offended me in some way. I now step back and let time pass instead of lashing back. Peoples words and actions only have power over me if I let them. I would so love to be 30 again, and know what I know. 🙂
Time stepping back is one of the best things we can do. It helps cool us off.
Thanks for such a great ending to this series! Number 3 is the one I’m thinking of, trusting that He is redeeming the times of mistreatment, that nothing is wasted. God bless you!
Glad you enjoyed the series Deb. I learned from it tremendously.
Great post Pastor Bill.
I hate to pile on, but #6 is the key for me. When we realize that our response to life’s offenses, especially when they come through our brothers and sisters in Christ, moreover from our spouse, are in our control, it changes everything. We can stop blaming others for our bad behavior.
It’s funny how when i do something hurtful and realize my mistake and apologize, i want complete and immediate forgiveness as though it never happend – much like I picture Jesus doing it when i confess my sins.
So then – this is exactly how i must treat others when they offend me – i must grant forgiveness – even if they don’t ask for it, i should not count their trespasses against them, as Christ has done for us – 2 Cor 5:19 style.
Great stuff Bill – sorry i am a few days behind, but it sounds like a great book.
Have you ever heard of Michael Ferris. He does a Potter’s demonstration that teaches the most compelling and clear path to forgiveness i have ever heard or seen. He is actually leading a mens retreat for us this fall, out here in NJ, but I highly recommend his ministry. it is right up this ally.
Thanks – great post!
Ben
No worries about piling on Ben. 🙂 Glad you can contribute, no matter how late you get here. Your comments are right on the money and it is always good to hear someone else’s perspective. i do think it essential to offer forgiveness even if they don’t ask for it. To answer: no I have never heard of him. Is he on YouTube anywhere?
I will take a look – not sure if he is out there. He just started going “full time” with this ministry about a year ago, and I know he does monthly newsletters, but I have seen his demo 3 times now, and each time the ministry time following was amazing – folks getting free from stuff they had carried for years. Ah – i found a youtube : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSNVuBQCHII
Check it out
this link actually has the whole 90 minutes the first was mostly a gospel call.
http://cbcnw.sermon.tv/4860815
Ben
Thanks so much for featuring my book. I’m honored. Lots of activity on this blog. Impressive!
fv
Psalm 115:1
Thanks for writing the book! Good stuff there 🙂
I agree Rick. Thanks for recognizing the value of the book.
Thanks to you, I have yet *another* author to track down and stay on top of. What are you trying to do – *educate me*? 😀
Trying. 😛 I honestly believe Christ-followers ought to be well read.
I agree wholeheartedly. We should *never* stop learning or growing. The
post I’m working on now hits some of that squarely 🙂
Thanks for being there, Bill!
Rick
I was more than happy to do it Frank. It is the first thing I have read by you. Won’t be the last. Thanks for taking the time to comment.