Victim

Written by cycleguy on July 16th, 2013

When I wrote this post, my first write used the word “victimhood.”  I know that is not a word (least spell check says so), but I removed it and reworded the post lest I offend someone by thinking I am making light of their past.  On the contrary, as a pastor I do sympathize with those who come from “less than stellar” backgrounds.  I ache for those who were abused in any way, shape or form.  So my hesitancy was caused by my concern for people and being mis-perceived. (Is that a word?)

But I read something today that really struck me from Leadership Excellence by Pat Williams.  It is a human interest story so please don’t shut your door.  🙂

Fox News Channel anchor Neil Cavuto battled and overcame stage IV Hodgkin’s lymphoma in the late 1980s.  In the late 1990s, he was diagnosed with MS.  Today Cavuto courageously defies his MS, exercising on a treadmill to arrest the muscle atrophy that is common among MS sufferers. 

He often does his show while suffering headaches, exhaustion, hoarseness, and vision impairment.  He memorizes his scripts in case his vision blurs to the point he can’t read the teleprompter.  He once said,  “I don’t hide that I have had a tough life in many respects.  I fought back a near-life-ending cancer, only to end up with MS years later.  Doctors have since told me that the odds of contracting both diseases in the same life are something like two million to one!  Yet here I am, marching on, continuing to do my job when doctors who’ve examined my scans and MRIs tell me I shouldn’t be walking or talking.” 

On one occasion, Cavuto addressed a gather of patients with MS.  His message to them: “Quit being a victim.  You are sick.  Some of you are very sick.  It’s not fair.  It’s not right. I’m telling you it just is…You-we-just got dealt a bad deck of genetic cards. End of story. Move on.” 

When that story was recounted, he went on to make a broader point-a point every leader should take to heart.  “My point is to address this bigger trend in our society to play victim-to play the ‘woe is me’ card.”

I was stopped in my tracks when I read that.   As a leader… As a husband…As a father…As a pastor…As a person…I/you have a choice to make: victim or victor.  We can choose to wallow in our misery and play sad songs, or we can choose to rise above the ashes.  A famous billboard campaign from a few years ago used the words “Stop the cycle.”   I think it is time we stop the victimhood cycle and start living life and taking ownership of it.

Any thoughts on your mind? 

In keeping with my posts this week, I highlight a song from this group and their new CD.

 

33 Comments so far ↓

  1. Daniel says:

    I have seen this victim mentality in some folks taken to an absolutely absurd level. Some to the point that I refused to be around them because it just oozed from their pores. I have been dealt a few bad cards in my life and I just prefer to keep things (mostly) to myself.

  2. Rick Dawson says:

    Daniel makes an interesting observation – one that I disagree with, but maybe why I disagree may make him restate his thought. I *don’t* keep things to myself – that was the way of insanity for me. The path of freedom was not through the public eye – still isn’t.

    I *was* a victim – past tense – of pretty horrible child abuse. Of childhood sexual abuse. Of cancer. I do *not* see myself as a candidate for Dr. Phil or Oprah; on the contrary, more often than not, I find myself siding with the sentiment expressed by the Eagles in “Get Over It.”

    That being said, I use what happened to me as a way into the lives of others looking for a way out of the hell of theirs. I share my stories willingly when appropriate – and that is key. My life is not going to be televised – ever. Whoever can benefit from me sharing my history with them – happy to do so.

  3. My mom suffered a nervous breakdown when I was in 7th grade. I wanted to play the victim for a while until I woke up and realized it did no one any good. I can only control a little slice of my life and that is how I react to things. Jesus didn’t play the victim and neither should we.

    • cycleguy says:

      It would have been easy for you to play the victim at such a young age larry. Fortunately, you woke up and chose to live differently. True about Jesus also.

  4. Bill, totally awesome post! I wrote this in a post (For Freedom Sake) of mine last October. This thought fits yours I believe.

    I refuse to describe myself as a victim of abuse…why? Because I am a set free son of God! My painful past does not or will not dominate who I am. Its way beyond “forgiving and forgetting”…way beyond “time heals all wounds”…its freedom! Because I forgave my father I can view my past without the pain or shame attached to those memories. I walked through a dark, horrible time; the enemy wanted it to be a killing field for my life. The enemy wanted me to give myself to this identity and for a while I did, I allowed to corrupt my view. When I forgave my dad, when I choose freedom, when I took a stand…I began to win back my identity. That was a hard choice but a necessary one for freedom to take root and grow.

    If people want, they can read the rest here…http://soulfari.blogspot.com/2012/10/for-freedom-sake.html

    Bless ya!

    • cycleguy says:

      Thanks Jay. Funny, I read so many blogs it is easy to forget one from another, but I remember the one you mention. So glad you chose freedom. Thanks for the link. I do hope others will check it out.

  5. Being a victim of a horrible event is hard.

    Being a Victim is hard work.

  6. floyd says:

    Great post, Bill. Our society has gotten an overdose of the “you gotta love yourself first” mentality that it creeps into every area of our lives and adults act like little kids wanting to show the world their “owies” and have them dote on them. Worse they feel like they’re owed it… That’s the difference between people of solid character and those left blowing in the wind.

    I’m encouraged when I see people like Jay and Rick that allow God to turn their weaknesses into their strengths. Our weaknesses are made perfect in His strengths…

    • cycleguy says:

      Well said Floyd. You have first analyzed the society well and then like you, I admire and am encouraged by guys like Jay and Rick also. Thanks

  7. Jason says:

    Didn’t know that about Cavuto. What a great example of overcoming difficulty.

  8. Betty Draper says:

    There is no freedom from anything as long as we stay a victim. Our past is God’s to use as is our present and our future. Encouraging post and replies.

  9. Kari Scare says:

    My youngest son is adopted and is the victim of others very poor choices. We had to tell him a lot at first that he could let his past define him, or he could learn from it and move on. So far, he is not letting his past define him, though he does have residue and always will because of it. I see a lot of people falling victim to the abundance of our culture. Poor health is one of the more obvious ways it comes out. I love stories like the one you shared of people doing what they can to not let their past or their circumstances define them. That inspires me.

    • cycleguy says:

      I know the residual of poor choices, etc stays with a person. A lot of how your son deals with it is determined by how you deal with it. As for the poor health, I totally agree. Glad you liked the story.

  10. Hutch says:

    Great post Bill. Some guys from my church meet with our pastor on Wednesday mornings for prayer. I drove there this morning with the thought “We are victors, not victims” and prayed through what that means in my life. How can we consider ourselves as victims when He overcame to give set us free. I have to repent and change the way I have been thinking and start declaring what He says about me.

    Thanks for this.

    • cycleguy says:

      Thanks for your reply Hutch. Changing thinking is the perfect place to start. Continuing to remind ourselves who we are in Christ and what He thinks of us is ongoing.

  11. The “Woe-is-me” mentality is based on selfishness. I want people to treat me X or notice me as Y because of ABC.

    Love is not selfish (or self-seeking).

    We cannot remain a victim and correctly experience love or love others.

    That said, overcoming victim-hood is not always easy and is often a process that takes a lifetime. We are still called to enter in and love those ensnared as victims.

    • cycleguy says:

      You are right on all counts Dusty. Selfishness plays the major role in this thinking. But you are also right that it is a lifelong battle. I hope I was not seen as trivializing it. Thanks for your comment.

  12. Jan says:

    That’s quite a story on Neil Cavuto, I never would have guessed that when watching him. Good for him! I don’t think I play the “victim” as much as I think I allow myself to be satan’s pawn, I don’t walk around saying, Woe to me”, I do the opposite, pretend I’m fine, when I know my heart/mind are falling prey to the evil ones tricks with me. I know in my heart he is using my depression, trying to cripple me daily, but I don’t get up and announce to facebook or my friends that I am so depressed, I don’t know what to do…..I know what to do! Get up, get in the word and read, read, pray, pray. That is the only armor I have to keep myself from the woe is me…..which again, I am not a woe type person. It’s a daily battle, but one that I desperately seek victory over through His word and being involved in womens studies at our church. Thanks Bill for this post, it spoke to me.

    • cycleguy says:

      Recognizing the struggle is half the battle Jan. Realizing the enemy wants to bring you down is another part of that. You are right about the get up, get in the Word, read & pray. Unfortunately, that is lost on many, especially those who revel in the victim mentality. Thanks for your honest comment.

  13. I agree, even though I’ve spent some time wallowing in self-pity. You don’t have to be very old before you learn that everybody has SOMETHING. Everybody! What I think is funny is that my mom who has MS has said how thankful she is that she doesn’t have cancer and someone else I know with cancer has said at least they don’t have MS. LOL

    I heard a sermon today that really hit me on this topic. The sermon was about Jesus’ suffering–not his crucifixion but his LIFE. I suddenly pictured Jesus living an impoverished life and being mistreated, rejected, and ignored. I’ve had an unbelievably blessed life in comparison and yet I’m a hopeless sinner. How dare I complain about my own suffering? That’s what I took from it anyway. 🙂

    • cycleguy says:

      How ironic with that story about your mom and that other person. 🙂 I need to keep my eyes where they belong also (not on my suffering). Thanks Melanie.

  14. tcavey says:

    I did not know all that about Neil, gives me ever more respect for him. Thanks for educating me today.

    As for my thoughts on your post, I’m in agreement. Life will throw you lemons from time to time but we can either make lemonade or just get beat up by the lemons, no matter what, they will keep coming as long as you live. The alternative is death.

  15. Ike says:

    May I remind you pastor…”groaning” is scriptural. 2 Corinthians 5:4.. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.

    I wonder if “our” comments would be the same if we went through half as much as Job? Just asking.

  16. Hazel Moon says:

    This is so great! We must be a victor even if we were once a victim. I picked up your post at:Rick’s place
    http://www.plannedpeasanthood.com/2013/07/saturday-shortcuts-8/

  17. We can’t change our genetics or our past. But we can change how we respond. I think everyone has things in their closet that they’re not proud of and wish were different.
    To me, it’s humbling to hear about the problems of others. Makes mine seem kinda insignificant in comparison.

    • Kari Scare says:

      Seeing other’s trials can give perspective, but don’t ever think your trials aren’t important. Perspective is a good thing if it’s used on our journey through the trial. Comparisons, as we’ve discussed, give us a wrong point of view.