I admit it. I asked David to write on this particular subject because I know some of you have experienced it and/or we know someone who has. What is it?
D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
David has experienced the ugliness of divorce, but I didn’t know his story. So I asked him to share it with you. David blogs here and also writes for High Calling. Here’s David’s Second Chance:
From Never Summer to Constant Spring
Finding Second Chances After Divorce
When my wife left after 26 years, I thought my world was over. I really knew no other life. You see, we had married as teenagers, stars in our eyes. We grew up together, raised children, and then somewhere along the way, I lost her. Like a kite on a string in a hurricane, she was pulled to the storm.
While she walked the Prodigal’s trail I held on to the robe, waiting. I replayed a hundred scenes in my mind and rewrote the ending differently in every one of them. But for her, there was no way to autocorrect the wrongs she felt. There was no backspace to delete my selfishness. There were no more words I could offer. The return never came. She was gone.
I felt the shame of a leader who was divorced, a man who “must have done something wrong,” of a Christian who had lost his most precious gift.
There’s a mountain range nearby called, “Never Summer”. It’s aptly named, as most of the peaks are above the treeline. Barren, the granite rocks give foothold to alpine moss that creeps at a miniscule rate of growth. A few ground creatures eke out a life. But really, it’s just one long winter.
To be honest, I was ready to camp on that mountain, to set up a permanent structure of self-loathing. Just me and God, if he would have me. I was self-righteous and self absorbed and felt I was the victim, although I was just a much the provocateur.But a funny thing happened on the way to despair. I had some wise advice from a pastor to “write my way out of the darkness.”
So I did. I would work at my job and then come home. For months, I engaged in feverish blogging. And then writing and editing for The High Calling. I even got to edit a marriage book. Now that was the ultimate in God’s sense of humor. Along the way I saw my own sin, discovered God again, and found a way out of the foggy path.
Here I am, just a few years out, and I stand amazed. I was broken. Busted.Shamed. But today, I have found someone who has restored my faith in love. I have a couple of books with my name on them and and hundreds of writings between today and that very dark time. I have a new interest in life, in exploration and learning and adventure.Suddenly, I feel like constant spring.
I was thinking about it. God willing, based on my age, I can have another 26 years ahead of me of good health and mind and spirit.Despite the frightful ending to the previous 26, I have a chance to start over again, to have an entirely new life ahead of me.
Rather than run from my darkness, my sin, my sadness, I am embracing it. By making it my own, embedding it as part of my history, I can tell the story of today with vigor and vitality. I was once lost — ashamed, naked, afraid — but now I am found. I hold on to the darkness because it makes my Light all the brighter.
Second chance? Yeah. That’s me.
Any thoughts you would like to share?
And remember: if you would like to tell your Second Chance story contact me here.
I liked this one. Hopefully, somewhere along the path, I can make some peace with my past and find my smile again.
I figured this would “speak” to you Daniel. I, too, hope you can find your smile again.
I hold on to the darkness because it makes my Light all the brighter.
It is the telling of darkness that brings the light and once light shines on it one is never the same. It becomes a bright and shining tool for God to use HIs way, His timing. But every time He does someone is brought from the darkness to the light or at least a little closer to the light. It’s why I tell the story of my father and the brokenness he cause in my life that only a Holy God would want use. The enemy of our soul say, hide it, keep the dark to yourself, I can use it to keep you in chains. My brother your chains are loosed, praise the Lord.
yes they are Betty. i believe David would be the first to say the chains are broken.
Keeping darkenss to yourself…that’s such a common thing. My mother called it “wallowing”. We do love to wrap ourselves in our pain, the thing that did us wrong, to make it our identity.
So glad to hear about David. So glad He doesn’t leave us in one spot forever.
I am also glad God does not leave us in one spot.
There is nothing worse than “despair’. I was there…But I am not now
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound!
Yes, I too believe in second chances. God has given me too many to count. Through some of the darkest times of my life, He has blessed me.
Most of my growth as a Christian has come from those dark hours of despair and even anger.
Thanks so much for sharing! God bless.
I was pretty angry — and it wasn’t a pretty sight. Once I got past anger and blame, then I began to get a glimpse of healing
I think that is one of the keys David.
I don’t know anyone who isn’t touched by divorce in some way. It’s hardest on those going through it, but I can testify it’s very hard on extended family as well. So thankful for God’s second chances and unfailing love. Thanks for sharing this, David (and Bill).
it is hard on the extended family Jason, the often forgotten ones. I too am glad for second chances. And you’re welcome.
Awesome post, David. When we’re broken and only have Truth as the glue to put things back together, it magically comes back in a way that’s even more beautiful the second time around. That’s what I call redemption and a miracle. Thanks for sharing from the heart, David.
Good example of the purpose of God: redemption and a miracle. In saving us and in healing our brokenness.
So glad that we have the ability to move forward. God doesn’t want us living in the past with concerns of doing something wrong that will ruin our future.
Moving forward is so important Ed. God doesn’t want us stuck in the past.