I’m not one for cliches. In fact, the words I would use is “I hate cliches.”
“God works all things together for good.” And how does that ease the pain?
“God is good all the time; all the time God is good.” Sorry. Sort of hackneyed.
“God never closes a door without opening a window.” Can He open it wider?
I know. I am being cynical. Sorry if that offends you. Even pastors have those days/times when answers don’t come easy. 🙂
Someone I know and love is hurting. There is not a blasted thing I can do about it. I can pray, but this person needs feet and skin right now. I can spout off some of those cliches, but you know how that would go over? Honestly, I would probably gag over my own words if I did that.
Funny thing: I believe the sentiment behind those cliches. I just hate hearing them. And I certainly don’t want to be guilty of saying them mindlessly to a person who is hurting.
You see…
I do believe God is sovereign.
I do believe God is loving.
I do believe God has things under control and is in control.
And yes, I do believe He has the best in mind.
My head says that. Sometimes my heart hasn’t caught up.
Anyway, what are your thoughts? Any more cliches you can come up that people use? How do you handle them?
*And no the title is not a typo.
I made reference to a post of another blogger but it has become unavailable at this time. Sorry for the mix-up. That post is now available. It is here.
You may not appreciate what I have to say. But you know me, I’m gonna say it. For starters Jennifer is not a writer and if she speaks like she writes she is also not a speaker. Way too many flowery words that mean nothing which makes it very difficult to get the point. She needs to take a cue from Eric Hoffer on how to economize her words on the way to her point.
Secondly I can come up with tons of clichés religious people use that are meaningless. I ignore them.
That said I feel sad for your concern and can only hope they figure a way out of the current feelings to something better. Where it sounds like it is heading is a bad place to go.
And you know my religion….God is not going to make any difference.
Well…you do say what you think. 🙂 I did say it was long. Jennifer did write it for her own blog. I was hoping the point of the post would be seen and that is God is working in us. i do appreciate your concern Jeff and even more that you don’t pop off cliches. And as I have stated before am sad about the last line. 🙂
Hi Bill,
I agree with Jeff about that post being too long. 🙂
That’s odd that you weren’t able to get back to that post or to my site then. It seems to be working fine now though. Here’s that link: http://www.jenniferdougan.com/2014/09/you-with-your-foot-in-two-worlds.html
Thanks for the honor of being thought of, referred to, and prayed for, Bill. 🙂 Feel free to add that back again to your site, or not, as desired. No worries.
Jennifer Dougan
http://www.jenniferdougan.com
Jennifer: Thanks for your humility and willingness to answer Jeff. The post in question is now linked in this post but it is the one on Hubbub. It is different than the one you have linked here. 🙂
Oops, thanks.
http://www.jenniferdougan.com/2014/09/hidden-in-you-beneath-hubbub-and-silence.html
Jennifer Dougan
http://www.jenniferdougan.com
Hi Jeff,
Nice to meet you. It’s always nice to meet other bloggers.
You are absolutely right about that post being too long. I agree, and kept re-reading it trying to figure out what to chop. I normally try to keep my posts a lot shorter, so it’s easier for the reader. Thanks for your feedback though.
Have a great week, Jeff.
Jennifer Dougan
http://www.jenniferdougan.com
Pat answers have never made me feel better when I am low. They serve to drive me deeper into myself.
I concur with that Daniel. They serve no good.
I have said them ( cliches) all to others and had all of them said to me especially during the rough times when our son was divorced.
So sorry about your daughters situation. It takes on a different look when it comes to life struggles happening to our kids. All the things we know for sure we are still sure of but again it looks different through the eyes of a parent. I don’t believe you are confused my brother but you are grieving and rightly so. What hurts our own, hurts us. Trust me I think no less of you as a father and a pastor. There were times when I so did not like where Jared was but I could feel his need for a Mom hug and an encouraging word. We did the same with his wife who would be in tears when she dropped the kids off. We certainly could not fix the situation. When Jared and Grace reconciled and re-married tons of people wrote on our fb and his too. He told me how much the ones who wrote on mine encouraged him the most. Because most of those who commented were older saints of God who understood grieving and grace. And it is grace that gives us the freedom to grieve. Praying for your daughter and family. Praise God she has Godly honest parents. This kind of stuff just plain hurts. She will appreciate you hurting for her.
Thanks so much Betty for your love and concern and prayers. Only someone going through a tough time can truly understand.
All I can say is when the Church is faced with real pain and suffering the cliches fade away very quickly! Honestly, we just don’t always have the answers, it doesn’t always make sense to us. That’s when we are pushed to trust God in ways that we never have before.
Serving in Ukraine you can certainly speak from experience on this Caleb. I seriously doubt they want to hear cliches on how things will be better and their best life is now.
You “hit the nail on the head” (to borrow one of your fav quotes)… So many Christians are distancing themselves from the events in Ukraine by all those cliches that it’s making me sick at times. I want to come to them and shake them up a bit, so they get a sense of reality.
i would shake them with you. 🙂
I will pray for this one who is hurting.
Thanks Larry.
I can only tell “God’s doing something good out of all this stuff” to myself. I cannot bring myself to tell that to anyone else because I don’t know what else they will have to go through. So for me, I stay close but quiet. (Which, ironically, was the reason I’ve lost a friend – she wanted me to speak up…)
“My head says that. Sometimes my heart hasn’t caught up.” – dear brother, I can so relate to that.
Praying for you and your family (seems Tami’s going through a rough time as well).
Love you!
it is much easier telling myself those cliches Zee than someone else. Appreciate your thoughts and prayers.
If “Winners never quit and quitters never win” what do you do when you’re told…”Better quit when you’re ahead”?
Just my strange working…
I’m praying for your friend.
That is a strange one Jay. 🙂 thanks for your prayers my friend.
I agree, Bill, cliches can just be empty words–however, like you, I also agree with the truths behind many of those cliches. I just have to trust that God can bring my meaning to the heart of those who read them, for I know I use cliches when I don’t have better words to express myself.
I think you hit on something so true Pam. We often use those cliches because we don’t have a way to express our thoughts. Praying they will understand our heart is so important.
Hi Bill! What I dislike is people, after hearing of someone’s sorrow say, “Me too!” and start off on a soliloquy about them. Ugh.
I know listening is a powerful tool. Or even changing the subject when the person who is hurting doesn’t want to talk.
Of course cliches don’t help. I think they only have purpose for people who are not despairing, If I am truly in a bad place, they sound cold and unhelpful. A well tuned ear, or a hug is what I need.
I don’t know what the situation is with your daughter. I’m so sorry that it is causing you pain. I will pray, like Larry, that hurt will turn to understanding and peace.
Blessings,
Ceil
Oh man Ceil! That scenario really rips me also. It ends up making it all about them. I try to remember how cliches are like fingernails on a chalkboard to me and sound the same to others. Thanks for your comment.
I have always hated it (still do, in large measure) when Christians would trot out their little box of cliches and phrases for even though I agree with the truths expressed? What is being demonstrated is often “I don’t know how to ease your pain and suffering”, or “I’m sorry for your loss” or, most bothering of all “I’m being forced to confront my own thoughts and feelings by your situation, and those are *very* uncomfortable to me personally.”
When my ex and I lost our first born on the same day my best friend and his wife experienced the joy of the birth of theirs, my friend left his child and wife and drove 3 1/2 hours to just sit and grieve with me, hugging me as I was sobbing my guts out on the floor. We were *both* “baby” believers at that point in our lives, but it never occurred to him to be anyone other than who he was. He didn’t have to say a thing – and not once was a biblical cliche uttered – his presence carried its own message. That’s the model I still follow today – just be there as an empathetic friend. You don’t need all the answers anymore than you need to attempt to apply a scriptural band-aid to a wound that requires surgery and healing time. Just be there.
First, let me say “you get it Rick.” Second, that friend is a keeper. WOW! It was just what you needed…not a cliche-maker. Your last three words are wise and worth remembering.
So many good comments here, Pastor Bill . . .I know they will help you. I am awful at advice and try to remember not to say those cliches . . .and not say anything . . .unless the hurting loved one is really really wanting me to. Your situation reminds me again that listening is sometimes enough. Praying with you now.
Very true Deb. Listening is sometimes the best thing we can do.
Here’s a good one: “Time heals all wounds” Time may alleviate pain but there are some things you never forget. And that’s not a lot of help when you’re suffering. What, just sit there, listening to the clock, tick, tock, tick, tock waiting for it to get better? I remember being told this on more than one occasion and my inward thought was “What. are. you. talking. about?” Just be there, that’s the ticket. Sometimes without words or a touch, just be there.
Yep that is a “good one” also karen. Sort of like “Okay if time heals all wounds how come I still feel so stinking bad?” just be there is important.