I’m going to let you know right up front: there is no answer to what I am going to post, wonder about or ask. How’s that for a warning? 🙂
As a pastor of a church, we get a lot of requests for help…none more than at Christmas time. I’m going to be totally honest here: it is uber tough saying, “I’m really sorry but we aren’t able to help.” I’ll give you just three scenarios we have been hit with just this week.
Scenario #1: Someone calls the church secretary’s private cell phone saying, “I got your number from you at the Thanksgiving dinner your church sponsored” then begins to tell a story of a father who had heart surgery and 4 boys who will not have a Christmas. First flag: the secretary was not at the dinner. Second flag: we do not know the person calling nor has she given us the name of the family needing help.
Scenario #2: A mom calls requesting help. First words were “we are new to Spencer and are looking for a church home. We were wondering if there would be any help for our kids for Christmas.” First flag: that first line. Second flag: the second line following the first one. The back story does seem to make this legitimate.
Scenario #3: A man who is a friend of some folks in the church has been hit hard with the death of his wife (died of cancer in the past year) and then his sister and brother-in-law just recently (no insurance to cover burial expenses). We have been asked to help in any way (probably with a gift card to a grocery store).
All sound legitimate. And perhaps they all are. I may have sent up some flags but that does not negate the very possible need. What does the church do? Let me give you a bit more information. Since October we have filled over 100 Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes (20 more than last year). Helped with filling backpacks for Liberian pastors and their families, teachers, and others. And recently helped the New Beginnings Pregnancy Resource Center with their Tree of Love (gifts for children and parents).
Now these requests. I truly have mixed emotions. I have seen/we have been victims of abuse of the system. People who make the rounds and do rather well. But I also don’t want to allow that abuse to cloud a legitimate need to help. The church is often accused of being cold and heartless and not caring about others. I don’t want OVCF to be seen as one of them.
Remember at the beginning I said there is no easy answer? There is also no easy answer to this question: what would you do if you were in my shoes?
Man this is a tough one. It would be much easier if God would just strike down the con artists, but they are His children too. If you try to push church donations to verify and certify, then you become nothing but a financial management firm that does some church on the side. That is definitely not the right direction.
Glad you recognize it Daniel. I wish there was an easy answer. The strange this is I feel this stirring in my spirit to do something. Reckon the first step is to find out if two of them are legit. I know #3 is.
A church I belonged to would often get requests for help from people who lived 30 miles away. They would pass 50 churches to get to ours. Were they refused help At several others or was it a scam?
That would definitely raise some red, or at least yellow flags.
As you know Bill I am on a board that grants funds to individuals and organizations in need. We require a written application requesting assistance. (Most scammers are not going to bother filling out and having an application vetted.)These requests are then discussed and decided upon. Sometimes we request additional information.
There are many organizations in Spencer/Owen County that provide relief. Sometimes you just need to guide them to the proper organization.(The CAP agency is a good source of reference to determine who has need.) They have a data base of nearly all of the people in Owen County with needs and often know them personally.
It’s not easy but a little due diligence will weed out a lot of them.
Thanks for the great advice Jeff. We are asking around actually to see what we can find out.
Oh Bill, this is hard stuff. A few things that have worked along the way on this end …
– Make up bags of groceries ahead of time to have on hand, so when we have to say no to their request, we have something to offer. Very quickly we find out if the caller is truly in need.
– Have a good grip on what current resources are available in the community and other churches and refer, refer, refer.
– If you’ve got a LOVE INC http://www.loveinc.org/ in your area, this is a fabulous resource as churches combine their unique offerings and share them with the community.
– Area pastors keep each other updated with potential scams, saving each other headaches when people come to call.
Good stuff for difficult situations …
May God multiply our meager loaves and fishes.
Blessings.
Great suggestions Linda! We do not have a LoveInc around here. I’m going to have to check that out and see what it is. Praying He will do as to your last sentence.
That is a tough spot. I think some background work needs to be done and if it’s legitimate God will provide for your church to be able to help those He’s put in your path.
Secretary is calling about this even as I type. I felt the Spirit tugging at my heart all afternoon and then all morning today. I sought advice from the youth pastor and secretary and we all decided it was worth checking out and helping if we can (and legitimate).
These scenarios are so very familiar to Dick and I. Often the need is legit but the few scammers make it so easy to harden your heart toward every request. We ask a lot of questions and go with our gut feeling. The problem is its the kids that suffer.
It is sad, isn’t it, when the scammers ruin it for those who really have a need. See my comment to Floyd for our approach.
I don’t give advice. Ahem. Just clearing my throat here. I can’t tell you what to do, Bill, but I can tell you, not being a pastor, what I would do. First, I would think evil of no man. I would put out of my thoughts anything that made me believe evil of any of them. Then I would do what seemed right and good and allow myself to be “used,” ill or well, and allow God to sort it all out and do the blessing of all involved. If one or more are giving in to dishonesty, they need the love and help more than the honest folks.
Well, that from someone whose portion is probably with the hypocrites.
That is great advice David. I hate being skeptical. Despise it. I want to trust people and can’t stand it that I am the least bit skeptical. Scams and age have done that to me. 🙁 But we are doing what we can to check things out to see if we can help.
Oh man, I imagine these situations take an incredible amount of discernment and would normally require a large amount of information – so I don’t think I can give any easy answers here.
I think the best approach is to get as much info as you can. If there’s a church member who can vouch for the need, that seems like a great thing to have – if possible.
We are doing just that Loren. #3 is a def “go.” we are checking out the other two.
To be a good steward of our means requires some guidelines which I am sure you have. The needs are universal and scams are universal. In Papua New Guinea not one day went by that we were not hit by someone needing help. We learn to keep small bills in order to give a little if needed and small bags of food with rice, oil and tin fish. And check with neighbors if the one needing help was local. If the locals said, they will not work their gardens, we did not help. I love the idea of taking lots of information about the one needing help then checking it out with other pastors. One thing we did years ago was have the members give a name with information and only gave to those. It was great to take a full complete meal and presents to a needy family, this was something we got our kids involved in too. Just for the record, growing up my family benefited from giving churches and organizations at Christmas. My parents never ask for it but it was evident we were poor due to my Dad’s drinking. Our church in Louisville was known as a giving church which does draw the scammers but it also blessed so many. I would rather ere on the side of giving then on not giving. Thanks Bill for this post.
True Betty. I would prefer to err on the side of giving to them and getting scammed than having a child with a legitimate need and have it go unanswered. will let you know how it turns out.
These scenarios are always so hard. I remember Rev having similar decisions to make when he served as lead pastor.
One thing we did if we were not familiar with the family is refer them to two groups in our area that serve those in need. They have large food banks besides carrying other supplies. Our church then supported them faithfully. They were much better at knowing those who had genuine need.
I appreciated all the suggestions in the other comments. You can tell you’re definitely not alone in this.
God bless.
Unfortunately, we don’t have large food banks to draw from. There is a store but not much else in that area. We are investigating this closely. 🙂 Thanks Deb
Oh man, Bill. That is the horns of a dilemma. I had never really considered how a church would face these issues even more so than we do as individuals.
On a personal note, we all have those times when we are asked for help, or when we encounter people asking for money. I have discussed this with many friends. Some buy food, some give money, some pass these people up thinking the money will just go to drugs or alcohol.
I suppose it all comes down to what we personally feel the Holy Spirit lays upon our hearts. My husband and I like to give a small amount of money. But just the other day, after handing a homeless man some money, we felt led to also go buy a blanket, a sweatshirt, and some water. This is my experience – the Holy Spirit prompts and compels, and we do our best to obey.
You said this in one of your replies: “The strange thing is I feel this stirring in my spirit to do something.”
I’d listen to that. And at the same time, ask for the Holy Spirit’s discernment to understand what’s legit, and what’s the best way to do the right thing.
Some great advice in the comments.
GOD BLESS!
I was not alone I reckon. I brought the staff (a youth pastor and secretary) into my office so we can talk about it and the secretary was wanting to help. Our youth pastor had read about it (I sent an email to the leaders of all three scenarios) and had a good suggestion about helping to make it happen if needed. So my “stirring” was not in vain. 🙂
Such tough decisions, especially when we want to give from the heart as Jesus would have us do. Praying that all three situations will be addressed in a way that all will benefit.
Blessings, Bill!
We are going to help in at least 2 of the 3 it looks like. Found out another church jumped in to help on the father who had the bypass.
Via email: We are told not to judge people, but we are to be discerning.
I know exactly where you are coming from.
Many people try to take advantage of
Churches good hearts.
It’s a very tough call. Bit I have always believed we should take care of our families here in the U S A.
Don’t mean to sound HARD, but, how do you know the people in Liberia aren’t getting backpacks from any other churches. Also how many shoeboxes are sent to the same group from many different churches ?
Don’t mean to sound pessimistic, but MANY take advantage, which ends up hurting the people who have a sincere need.
DISCERN
Your thoughts are well taken pam. To answer several of your questions: the Liberia project is from the mission out of this church. So I can be sure it is small. As for the shoeboxes, I trust Samaritan’s Purse to be above board in their distribution. one child gets one box. Unfortunately, you are right in that many do take advantage of churches. Thanks for taking the time to email me.
Your can only do so much. Iy must be a hard position to be in. Sometimes we’re forced to judge against our own wishes.