This a continuation of this post which was interrupted by this one.
I actually want to go in a different direction with this post. In that previous post I wrote about giving up control to God. It is something we all should need to do. Easier said than done. Obviously. We will sometimes fight with every fiber of our being giving up control to Someone we cannot see, touch or feel. That, however, is for another time and another post.
Equally as hard is giving up control to another person-flesh and blood, someone we can touch, see, and feel. Someone texted me after that other post and said this: “And your blog post hit a nerve because I just told (_______) and I think maybe someone else that it is really hard to let go of control and let people help me with things. It is easier to just do it myself.”
Been there?
I wanted to say “been there done that don’t want to do it again.” (But I do).
Sadly, what that person said was true. It is often easier to do it ourselves. Others will mess it up. “But I hate depending on others.” Yeah, it isn’t my favorite thing either, but unless I want to go absolutely bonkers, I need to give up control. I need to accept others’ help and frankly, I’m not too keen on that sometimes!!
But there comes a time when I HAVE TO GIVE UP CONTROL. I have to allow others to step into my life and offer to make my life easier.
What about you? Do you have difficulty letting others help?
I am not going to give up control. I have no problem getting help if I can’t do something myself. I think these are two entirely different things. I needed to cut down a few trees around my house. I called a tree man to help. No way did I give up control.
You can hate depending on others but it is a lot easier to depend on the grocer than to milk the cow and grow all the food yourself.
Who is kidding who if you think you aren’t depending on someone else. This is a society, embrace it, do your fair share, and hope for the best.
You can give control to God but I am pretty sure he won’t milk the cow either. So I am not sure what he is supposed to be controlling.
And there are some things you just can’t control and don’t want to. Ever take a trip on an airplane? Do you really want to be in control? I suggest you get some help from the pilot and while your at it give him complete control.
Understand what you are saying Jeff. And you are giving up control (using your tree example). You were unable to do that so you gave control to someone who knew what he was doing. Your thoughts emphasized what I was saying. No man is in complete control of his own world.
I agree no man is in complete control of his own world. We are all stupid on different subjects. I hope I am smart enough to get help on the subjects I am stupid on.
I am curious as to what you think God is controlling when “you give control to God”
The best way I can say it Jeff is that I/we all are naturally selfish people. I have ways I want things done. Not always the best way nor is always the best way for me. Giving up control to God is allowing Him to use whatever happens to benefit my spiritual health. In essence, I take my hands off the control switch and allow Him to “do the sticks.”
I think we all have a survival instinct. I certainly wouldn’t say selfish. If that were the case we would all be hermits and not share. We in fact tend to gather together and share for safety and to get the benefits of others talents. The butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker have more together than if they didn’t share their talents.
I still don’t get what God does. Can you name one thing you used to do that he now does with the control. I don’t know what “do the sticks means”.
When I said “do the sticks” I was using a metaphor for your use of the airplane controls. My bad. Should have made that connection. A perfect example of giving up control is an addiction. It is true there are some addictions people beat with pure resolve and a change of scenery, etc. But there are some people who just can’t do that. Sometimes beating an addiction means taking something to help (alcoholic or drugs for example), but many simply cannot do it on their own. They need help…divine help. I know of some who will, without a doubt, say they were unable to beat their addiction without God’s help.
That I understand. And I agree it is a benefit of the community of believers and the support and hope they give. I don’t think there is an invisible deity that actually does anything. I think they are just led to believe there is some sort of supernatural happening that really just isn’t real. As long as it works for the person in need it doesn’t matter if it is real or imaginary. It isn’t divine help because the same results are being accomplished for the same reasons whether you invoke Jesus, Allah, Karma, or no diety. It’s people helping people. It is Love. Love is not supernatural.
I definitely like to do everything myself. I have had this mindset for as long as I can remember.
🙂
In the immortal words of Hotshot Elmer, “Do you need any help? No hel wanted. Do you need any help? No help wanted. Do you need any help, do you need any help? I can handl this job all by myself.”
Way too often the reaction.
Thinking we can possibly do it all ourselves involves that old sin of pride again! Believe me, I spent far too many years thinking I had to do everything myself, and I’m glad to have left that (for the most part) behind me.
Blessings, Bill!
Agreed on the pride issue Martha. Thinking I can do it myself or better than someone else got me in deep gunk.
I definitely struggle with not being in control and in all aspects of my life.
Of course it’s an illusion. None of us are in complete control beyond our free will.
The Creator of all things either causes or allows all things and works them to the ultimate good and end… it’s good to be reminded of that… and loosen the white knuckle grip that isn’t strong enough to change the mind of God anyway.
Yeah, I believe God has something to say about us taking control or trying to manipulate control.
It is very frustrating to let others help. Even so, it is necessary for me and for them. It doesn’t make it any less frustrating – for a while. However, I do like it now when my lawn gets mowed by my son and I didn’t have to! I guess that’s the reward.
I don’t have a son to get that sort of reward. 🙂 But Joe is a big strapping boy and can handle it now. Good to hear from you Jim.
What I struggle with when trying to let others help is my OCD demands things be done to a standard that many don’t want to push themselves to hit. I believe we should do all things as if to the LORD which not all folks seem to want to do.
people with OCD do have trouble giving up control Mike. No one can quite do it as well as they think it should be done. So it a struggle. I am not OCD but I have to tell myself to allow people to make mistakes and know they might not do it as I want it done. that is where mentoring and teaching come in. But I have to let go or they will never “get it.”
It depends on the person, but I’m pretty reserved to begin with. Still, I understand the value of asking for and receiving help. It’s impossible for us to be everything on our own. God didn’t make us to function that way (as much as I’d like to think I can do it on my own sometimes). I think sometimes I’ve not consciously tried to do it all on my own, but you get into a “mode” or people let you down or whatever else. In that instance, it takes intentionality to live what we believe and reach out for help. Good thoughts, Bill. Thank you.
It is true, Jason, some are more readily “ready” to ask for help. In reality we all need to accept the need for help. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
The best lessons are when I am in a situation where I cannot control the outcome, which is often. I watch my mother still trying to control her life in the nursing home, doing little things that usually cause her harm and worry family. Think I am getting paid back for the times she could not control me. When you get this control issue perfected let us know.
Great example Betty (your mother). Still trying to do it her way. Great picture of many Christ-followers. Thanks. And perfected? not a chance!! 🙂
This is a conversation Dick and I have regularly. He finds it very difficult to turn things over to others, mainly because he isn’t sure they have the same vision for the end result that he does. But, like you said, we all need help from time to time. Even Moses needed someone to hold his arms up for a while.:)