We often use phrases like “Don’t criticize a person until you have walked a mile in their shoes.” Although a cliche’, that is pretty good advice. I suspect if we really did that we just might keep our mouths shut more often than we do.
I have been reading a book I have had in my library for probably over 20 years. I honestly don’t remember when I bought it or where. It is called Counseling the Depressed by Archibald Hart. About the only place to get it now these days is off Amazon as a used book. Anyway, I have needed to “bone up” on my understanding of several issues lately plaguing people I love. Depression is one of them. Family violence and abuse is another. So is Substance Abuse and Addiction. I am not a professional counselor by any stretch but it is important I have some idea what is going on in peoples’ lives.
Depression (in all its forms) can be clearly seen in many people. King Saul. Job. Elijah. John Calvin. Martin Luther. John Wesley. Kierkegaard. Charles Spurgeon. Abraham Lincoln. Churchill (he called it “the black dog). Poe. Dostoyevsky. Milton. Hemingway. Multiple other people both famous and rich, and some not so.
Kari has been writing a book on depression. I am encouraging her to keep at it. She knows whereof she writes.
There used to be (and still is) a stigma attached to a person who suffered depression, especially one who was “institutionalized” or who carried it to the ultimate end. It is time to start realizing people need us to feel with them- to empathize- not condemn or look down upon. Not look at them like they have 3 eyeballs. To shake the dust off our feet and walk away.
Is it hard to understand? Sure. Shoot, they don’t even understand why they feel the way they do. But we don’t need to add to their guilt or bad feelings by shunning, criticizing, yelling, or rolling our eyes at them. One thing I am learning in a huge way through this book is how multi-faceted depression is. Just when you think you might have it all figured out…BAM!
Long story short (sorry this is longer than normal): Be understanding. Be caring. Be supportive.
Your first paragraph is something that I have been striving to do for many seasons now. It is a constant struggle for me and is so against my nature tendency to label and judge. As for depression, I too know a thing or three …
It is a constant struggle for many Daniel. No one is immune. I know about the depression thing.
My mom faced some issues like this when I was a teen. It’s tough to take the talk from people who have no idea what they’re talking about.
Absolutely Larry. That is why it is better to just keep our mouth shut.
I would never wish depression on anyone but I do wish everyone would read some things about it. The more I read, the more I can spot depression and that has been a big help in working with missionaries. Depression can wear a happy face in front of others but slink back when alone. Good for you Bill…Kari has done a good job writing about it, look forward to a book she is working on about depression.
Thanks Betty. I do agree with you about not wishing it on anyone but we all should know something about it.
I’m usually pretty good at considering someone else’s perspective, but I sometimes have to take a step back because I can play seemingly infinite scenarios (which obviously isn’t helpful for anyone). Good reminder though, Bill. We are called to live in and carry the love of Christ. He didn’t stigmatize anyone. He brought healing. Thank you.
That is the challenge for “fixers” like us Jason. We play all the scenarios and just KNOW if they would do what we suggest it would all be fixed.
Amen, Bill! Our society claims to have come such a long way, but there are too many who dismiss mental illnesses as not true “sicknesses.” They are. And we are to love them and be as empathetic as possible. I will look forward to reading Kari’s book.
Blessings!
So true Martha. We need to stop seeing mental illness as a stigma. Only when we start doing that will we start truly understanding.
I’ve seen this first hand and up close. Serious stuff… Thanks for the reminder, Bill.