WARNING: Disturbing and explicit content follows (that is not headline hype)
So…I started reading Dan Allender’s book, Healing the Wounded Heart last night. The subtitle is “The Heartache of Sexual Abuse and the Hope of Transformation.” I made it through the Introduction and Chapter 1 before my body and eyes gave out (sleep-induced). I find the situation this book is written about an all too-familiar scenario these days. Scary. I read a lot of “heavy” stuff-disturbing stuff-in that first chapter. Here is the first:
The period in which we now live may well go down in history as the Erotic Age. Sexual love has been elevated into a cult. Eros has more worshipers among the civilized men today than any other god. For millions the erotic has completely displaced the spiritual. (see below for author and year)
But this one disturbed me even more:
There is an emerging cultural trend where many young woman learn to trade sex and its allures-sexual favors and/or sexy dressing-for popularity, long before they step onto a college campus. Young girls and women as early as middle school and certainly by high school barter their sexed-up bodies for status. (Donna Freitas-2008)
I’m not naive. I know there are multiple factors which play into the current “sexual craze” we are experiencing. Certainly pornography has played a part. Certainly media access (internet) has played a part. Alcohol plays a part in many cases. So it can’t be all thrust on the female gender. I highly doubt anyone would argue when I say we live in a “hook-up sex” culture.
But I do like the direction this book will be taking. There is healing and transformation available. It will take time and lots of tears, pain and agony but the end result is a healed person-male and female. I know this is not my typical post. It can even be seen as a downer. Please don’t see it that way. See it as positive encouragement toward healing and transformation. After all…that is God’s desire.
First quote by A.W.Tozer in 1959 (And we say some old guys aren’t relevant?)
Familiar with this pain but more connected to the freedom that Christ produces through a redeemed heart. I know forgiveness was key for me, that was the vehicle God used to transform my life.
you hit on the key Jay…freedom Christ produces through a redeemed heart. If only all victims could see and learn that. Thanks for your transparency.
I’m not typically a commenter, but had to share that a few of Dan Allender’s books have also been a blessing in my life. He also has a great podcast through The Allender Center, where they wade into the deep waters of the heart. I’ve only listened to a few, but they were good. I love the idea of ‘story’ that they present there.
Pain and trauma are real and are a part of our fallen world, but it doesn’t have to end there- the trauma defining us forever, and us limping through, just surviving life. Jesus really can bring healing to the deep places. It’s not just a pie-in-the-sky ideal. He works in the broken, gravelly mess of our woundedness. That process often takes time, but it’s worth it. (‘He was wounded for our transgressions’, and, by extension, the transgressions against us, as well- I read somewhere.)
I’ve seen transformations in my own life and in the lives of others. He is SO GOOD!
Appreciate you!
🙂
First, Steph I appreciate you and Peter and the kids (even Abby who won’t give me time of day… 🙂 )
Second: I’m so glad you chose to be a commenter today. I did read about the Allender Center in the book and plan to follow up on that. You are so right about pain and trauma being real but not having it end there. God is so much greater than anything we may face. And I agree: Jesus can bring healing to the deep places. Thanks for your honesty.
There is freedom but usually it takes the body of Christ helping someone get that freedom. Drinking or drugs are easier to address then sexual issues. So I applaud
Dan for writing about it and I applaud you Bill for promoting his book. I for one think it is will get worst. I do not think it is anything new but years ago it was hidden more. Now due to social media and the drop in standards it out there for anyone to see or partake of. And even push at us as we view the world. When any society think its all about them and their desires abuse will abound. It’s a vile and sinful heart issue, has been and always will be no matter the age, no matter the gender, no matter the location.
I will not and cannot argue with you Betty; it will get worse. I think (as you say) it is nothing new but it is now being known. The real issue is also that society, while bringing it out in the open, also does not have an answer. Thanks for your comment.
Hi Bill! How eye-opening to read that the first quote was from 1959. Wow. Seems like this has been going on for longer than maybe I thought.
I have had to direct my daughter in the clothing department when she was a teenager. I was very lucky that she was naturally on the modest side, but I know many parents were not so fortunate. Being in middle school, and even high school can be such a brutal experience for girls (and boys too) that I wonder if it’s competition run amok. Who can look the most ‘sexy’ or ‘grown-up’?
We all sell ourselves short when we rely on the physical. There is so much more to a person, and I know you and I know that. How do we get that message out more effectively to our children? I think your book will help answer that.
I don’t think this was a ‘downer’. I think it’s important conversation.
Blessings,
Ceil
I was also shocked Ceil. Seems as if there is nothing new under the sun, you know? I’m glad to hear you were an engaged parent. Too many aren’t and leave their adolescent children to decide in a culture of peer pressure. I do agree with you on selling ourselves short by relying on the physical. Glad it was not a downer, but seen as important.
It is something that has always been and will always be. I think it is more out in the open now which makes it more likely to decline and not increase. The Abuse part I am speaking of. That is way different than a somewhat warped view that sex should only happen in a marriage. That is a different discussion. If the abused find relief with an imaginary God I am all for it. I would rather think a professional trained in the proper methods may have better results. That is what I would recommend.
I wish I could agree with you, Jeff, that it would likely decline but it is actually on the rise. True, some of it is because it is more talked about, but in reality it will continue to get worse as exposure to unhealthy elements (pornography, etc) become easier to reach. I do disagree with you about sex only happening in marriage as being warped. Also, I am not discounting the use of professionals, but I also know discounting God is not valid either.
You may be right that porno /Hollywood images may be driving an increase in sex abuse. I think as victims are treated more as victims instead of instigators reporting will only increase. As more people are punished I would hope less people are inclined to get caught. Abuse has been rampant and hidden by the very institutions that should be exposing it. Schools, the military, The Church of Rome, and others that wanted to sweep it under the rug. Those days are gone. Now they report it or risk their own criminal penalties as perpetrators.As for sex outside of marriage it would be interesting to know how many Christians have abided by that dogma. Probably the same number that actively love their enemies.
I’m with you on the increase Jeff. I also agree with you about victims being treated as victims and not the instigators. I find it hard to believe an 8 year old girl instigated her father to abuse her. I also believe it needs reported not hidden. As for the other? who knows?
Reading this made me think of all the warnings God gave the Israelites not to engage in fertility cults, etc., of the peoples surrounding them. And poor God had to tell them time and time again that this was NOT the way one should live his/her life.
So I don’t know if there is anything new under the sun, but we certainly live in a morally depraved culture. So sad!
Blessings, Bill!
You are right Martha. God gave those warnings on purpose. They were not to take away our “fun” but to actually make things better for us.
Wow. Like Solomon said, “Nothing new under the sun.” The religion of humanism is alive and well and the battle waged daily. God help us…
From Tozer to Allender … what a post!
Great authors, true visionaries, both.