With the onset of 2010 I have been doing some thinking about “Being Real.” In all honesty, I am serving the great bunch of people whom I know love me and appreciate what I do. For example, they know when they come on Sunday morning they will not get something “warmed over” from someone else’s sermon pile or book or media. I try to work hard at my job. But…and here is the rub…I am isolated for the most part. I know some of the other pastors in town but quite frankly there is probably only one that I would feel comfortable bearing my heart and soul to in an accountability situation. He is close to my age and has been in the ministry probably about as long as I have. The bad part is that he is a Nazarene. (Just kidding!) 🙂 But even with a colleague there is a certain hesitation to be real.
In the church one pastors it is even harder (and dangerous). Do you remember the old commercial with the tag line “Never let ’em see you sweat?” No? Then it must have been before your time (but please don’t remind me!) 😮 Let me illustrate my thoughts: Can you imagine the stir a pastor could create if he stood up in his pulpit and said, “I am a closet alcoholic” or “I am a (fill in the blank). ” He would most likely be carried out ushered out kicked out on his rear end with that type of admission. I have noticed that the church is very tolerant of some things but very intolerant of others. Being real is one of the latter, especially in its leaders. I want my blog to be a place of transparency, of non-judgment. I want people to feel free to express their thoughts. I refuse to close off the comment section for any reason whatsoever. I look at it this way: the Jesus of the Bible reached out and loved people regardless of where they were in life. Down and out, leper, blind, lame, rich, poor, you name it, Jesus was there. The ones He had no tolerance for were the religious people who thought they had it all together. Agree or disagree I want you to feel comfortable coming here and commenting. I was recently questioned about my blog. Why do I do it? It seemed like I was using it to do an end run (my words) around the leaders of this church, so they said. (Update: lest there be any misunderstanding it was not the leaders who were saying this. They defended my blog) Nothing could be farther from the truth. I have dialogue because that is the purpose of my blog and for a selfish reason: I like to hear comments and I get a chance to learn from you.
So…feel free to comment. I hope you find this a safe place. But I want to hear from you. What does it take for you to be real? Why won’t you be as real as maybe you would like to be? Go ahead…speak up. 🙂
Well, brother, if ya don’t know, now ya do, but I’m real to a fault. Sometimes I need to filter a little better cuz my “real” is real offensive to others :-).
I do read lots of blogs though and there is a feeling on some that not “all” comments are welcome, but only those supporting the post material.
This, however, is not one of those :D.
Well, Toby, I would rather have you real than fake. Thanks for the kind words. Glad you stopped by.
I don’t think “Being Real” is notifying everyone as to where all your pimples are. To me it is admitting your shortcomings, challenges, struggles etc. to yourself and working to eliminate or minimize them. Having the courage to ask for assistance through prayer or from a neighbor takes integrity and trust. God is easy to trust. Neighbors less so.
It is easy to love your children unconditionally in spite of the “pimples” Neighbors less so.
I know a lot of people that say they love everyone but their actions say otherwise.Jesus knew all of the pimples and his actions still were out of love. It is not easy but we have the example. We just have to try harder to follow it.
As for the leaders thinking the Blog is disruptive I could not disagree more. There isn’t time to spend communicating one on one. While I look forward to having that one on one if circumstance permit, the Blog is far better than no communication.
It would be great if the leaders also had a blog or filled this one up with thoughts and comments.
Thanks for taking your time.
Transparency is interesting thing – everyone wants it from others but does not want to give it themselves or hear it from their pastor. I am glad you keep the comments open, there are many blogs that do not and I understand to some point why so do not – some people on the more popular ones making comments that are intentionally inflamatory.
I have served in a multi-staff church and now as a solo pastor. It is a lonely place and I too have not made any good connection with the other pastors here. The other one in town is a woman so that is what I need to do, spend time with another woman. I think my wife would have a real issue here. So I understand that side of things too.
Thanks for the blog – I find it a safe place to hang.
BTW – I still get a kick out of the captions to fill in to stop you from getting spam.
Jeff: thanks for taking the time to answer. You have given some thought to it. have to clear one thing up: the leaders were not the ones who thought I was doing an end run. It was one who “never read my blog nor ever planned to.” So you can see how much credibility I gave it. When I speak of being real, I do think it needs to be done with care. I tried to state that but may not have done a very good job. I do agree that God is easy to trust but sometimes we need someone with skin on them. But you do state some good things and I agree with all you have said. Thanks for taking the time to respond.
Jim: Since you are a pastor you would understand the touchy subject of being transparent. most people in the church want to know their pastor is human but not too human. Know what I mean? As for that other woman: if Wendy doesn’t have a problem with it I do!! Man, talk about talk!! Glad you find my blog safe. BTW: I never see the captions to fill in. I do it for others and do chuckle at times. Thanks for commenting.
Well, I for one, just started visiting your place and the reason I am returning is because I can tell you “keep it real”.
I am all about being real, (as you have seen from your recent visits to my place). Sometimes I am a little too real….but I just shoot from my heart. One of my biggest gripes is people being phony. But my thing is that I believe it is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.
Hi! I have come over from Robin’s blog. I see your comments there all the time so decided to FINALLY check out your blog too! This particular post is perfect for me right now in my life. Maybe later I will go into detail but I am “working the stepos” in Al-Anon and the 5th step is next. THIS will help me. Thanks!!!!!! Pinky
Michelle: After reading your posts I can say without question that you take a lot of stock in being real. good for you. I especially liked your last sentence. may your tribe increase. Thanks for stopping by again.
Hi Pinky! It is good to have you come by. Robin has a great blog and I am honored that you have chosen to come by. I am glad that my post can be of some help to you. Prayers said for you that you will be able to “be free.” I have a lady heavily involved AA who would understand your struggles. She still has 2 members of her family who choose to drink. Thanks so much for stopping by and being brave by commenting. Look forward to seeing you back.
Well “being real” is only a means to an end. It’s easy to “be real” to sew havoc and misery.
Having said that, I admire this blog (and “On the Brink …” I’m on the phone or I’d link) for the “what it’s really like being a pastor” angle. Gives me an extra perspective on what it means to follow Jesus.
Ivan: you are right. Some are real in order to do just that. But three is also a real for the purpose of sharing the heart. Thanks for coming back and commenting and desiring to know more. Here is Jim’s link: http://j4man.wordpress.com/
Bill, you are the most “real” pastor I have ever met. And, if you remember, I recognized that before you were officially pastor at OVCF. And that helps ME be real(especially when I don’t feel real at home)! There are only two groups of people where I feel I can truly be me and still be loved and accepted. OVCF is one and I’m sure you can guess the other. Thanks for being you and being real.
Karen: you humble me with your words. Thanks for your gracious words. Glad that you feel that way about OVCF. Thanks for taking the time to comment.