If you are like me you are sitting here wondering, “what in the world is he writing a blog about Proverbs 31 for?” For the uninitiated that is the final chapter in Proverbs and the one that gets a whole bunch of men in trouble and a whole bunch more women fired up. Surely you are thinking, “Bill said he has never had a drink before. Did he start now?” Or one of the common sayings in my era (yes I was a child of the ’60s): “What have you been smokin’?” First, let me reassure you I have not become some form of throwback to the ’60s and gotten myself all twisted around. It is true that I have never drank, smoked, chewed or taken drugs (unless you count Diet Dr. Pepper). So, I have not totally lost my mind. Notice I said “totally.” You may still question my sanity for agreeing volunteering to write a post on the Proverbs 31 woman.
So…why am I? Well, one of the exciting things about blogging is that I have gotten a chance to meet some really, really cool people. A few God has allowed me to meet in person. Others are still in print. One of the latter is a young lady by the name of Jaycee. She has a blog called “Light a Lamp” that you can find here. Jaycee is from Nigeria but moved to D.C. to study medicine. While here she met her husband and married in 2009. He is also from Nigeria but is a citizen of the U.S. Is that cool or what? Anyway, if you go here you will find a blog and if you scroll down you will see her “Exciting Announcement.” I thought that sounded cool so I commented on that post and also told her I would like to do that from a man’s viewpoint. So…here goes. Ladies: please hear me out before you throw me internet spitballs. 🙂
I have been doing what I do for over 35 years and when it came time this Mother’s Day to honor the mothers I started looking at Proverbs 31. All of a sudden a light bulb turned on. Some may say it was a 2×4. I thought: “I can’t do this again! I can’t tell a woman/the women how they ought to match up to this lady.” There were several reasons for that. One, besides being a man and putting myself in harm’s way for the umpteenth time, I really began to try to see this through a woman’s eye. It is common for guilt trips to be laid on the ladies. You have probably heard them: “You ought to be like this lady.” Or “A real woman of God is like this.” Frankly, I didn’t want to go there. And here is why. The lady in Proverbs is unattainable! A woman would have to be the ultimate superhero to be all she is said to be in 31: 10-31. Some men might say, “I would sure like to have one like that” but honestly? Do you realize how busy she would be and how much time she would NOT have for him? Personally, I think the Proverbs 31 woman is an ideal, a model. But just like real life: we have to find what works for us and perform that way. My wife is a good woman (“an excellent wife” in v.10) and I would not trade her for anything or anyone. But there “ain’t” no way I want her to be like this woman-not all of her. I know what she is like in the morning (she don’t do them very well) and trust me when I say it would not work out well for her to rise when it is still night (v.15). I barely get a head-lift when I kiss her goodbye at 3:30 when I leave. She hates outdoor work so verse 16 shoots her all to pieces. She used to sew a dress from time to time early on but to weave at a spindle or make all the clothes and bed coverings? Get real! I will settle for buttons being sewed on now. 🙂 She also dislikes snow (v.21). I will fore go any more comparisons except the one I think is the biggest: “Her children rise up and call her blessed (our two daughters still do that); her husband also (you already know how I feel), and he praises her…Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” So…all in all I would say this: the Proverbs 31 woman is an ideal. Find your niche-who God made you to be-and then fulfill it. That is all He wants anyway. And when you find that you will also find contentment and a husband/children who praise you.
One more thing: in case you haven’t figured it out…I am also a pastor. I took the chicken way out and on Mother’s Day I invited the wives of the leaders, including my behind-the-scenes wife, to speak that Sunday. It may have been the best sermon I have ever preached. It also saved my skin. 😛
Care to share any of your thoughts about this? I would love to hear them. Please be forewarned though: Friday is my day off and when/if I get to the computer is when I will approve comments. It is not you so don’t go getting all upset thinking I am ignoring you. 🙂
I agree that the Proverbs 31 woman is the ideal – but it is a goal 🙂
Hiya, it takes a godly man to know, understand and accept his wife for who she is. Thanks for taking the time out to be the sole male voice, well written.
You are right Jim. Failed to say that.
Thanks justjoxy. I consider that quite a compliment.
It’s a goal. With you guys. Not sure how it happened, but I wrote about April today. I knew about Jaycee’s platform today, but I didnn’t consider that.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom Bill
Lol @ Questioning your sanity.
I’m glad you accept your wife for who she is, that’s a really good thing. However the Proverbs 31 woman can be compared to modern day activities (or businesses) as opposed to sewing/flaxing. I feel women should strive for excellence in whatever area they are called to do. Very honest post pastor Bill 🙂
Thanks so much for participating and mentioning the Light-A-Lamp Blog. I enjoy reading yours, always.
ps: Now doing my Masters. Lol.
“The lady in Proverbs is unattainable!” very wrong sir. My mother is an example of the Proverbs 31 woman.
Yay ur among the various #prov31 writers for today–glad bout that! Totally agree with what Jim and justjoxy said and I commend you for that.
Michael: Awesome tribute to april. Way to go dude! Thanks.
Jaycee: I have no qualms about agreeing with you. I too believe that if they work outside the home they ought to strive for excellence. To do any less is to denigrate the name of Jesus. Glad you cleared up what you are doing also. 🙂
Gee: Thanks for visiting and commenting. Appreciate the kind words.
rethots: Although I do disagree with you I am thrilled you feel that way about your mom. She has to feel like a million bucks knowing you feel that way about her. I hope you have told her. 😉
i was reading thought the post and one conversation i had with a friend of mine from work kept nagging my mind…
she recently got married (1 year in august) and i was the maid of honor… because we used to commute to work at the same time (she’s now on maternity leave), we used that time for chatting and stuff. she likes women’s magazines and some of ’em feature… mmm… handsome models. one day she shared a conversation she had with her husband. he asked whether she would want a guy like one of those from the magazines – all handsome, muscular, tanned, etc – as a husband. she told him “when you look at those women in your guys’ magazines, do you like them?” – “well, yeah, they look nice.” – “would you ever want to marry one of them?”
he got silent because he realized that he would not want to marry a stunning blonde just because she looks good. he married my friend Masha because of who she is, and while she’s quite cute and beautiful, she’s not perfect and that is what is endearing. it is getting through the problems and overcoming some shortcomings (wow, that sounds interesting) that makes the journey worth it. or maybe i just don’t know life.
i know this doesn’t really fit with your post, but i was just thinking… it would be boring to have an ideal wife / husband. seriously! as much as we, girls, and you, guys, dream about having someone perfect as our second half, in reality it sucks – because when you spend time with a person like that you start to realize that you’re not perfect and while this relationship works with God (i.e. He’s perfect and we’re far from), one day it will drive you nuts. *shrug* at least that’s what i think. and talking about perfect God and imperfect us – even there i have trouble with guilt because i keep thinking that i got to measure up to Him and i can’t. i simply can’t.
*climbing off the soapbox* 😀 sorry for a long comment 🙂
So..you are saying trying to be like her is a waste of time???
*confused*
What jumped out to me is the three words:
“Find your Niche”!!!
That is apt…I believe the proverbs 31 woman is a kind of bench mark if you like for women and she is still relevant even in the millenium!!!
I agree that this woman is an “ideal”. That said, most women are responder’s. If we as husbands would love our wives as Christ loves His church….all will be fine. When I hear a man complaining about his wife…I often wonder how he is treating her and if what he is saying is really his doing. Just a thought.
sidenote: (re-read my comment and thought i better clarify it…)…
“when you spend time with a person like that you start to realize that you’re not perfect and while this relationship works with God (i.e. He’s perfect and we’re far from), one day it will drive you nuts”
when i said, one day it will drive you nuts i was referring to the relationships between husband and wife (if one of them is perfect) – NOT the relationship with God.
just “suremaking”
first time here
ur views are diff
but i am tending to agree now
we can only strive to be like her
Zee: but it does fit with the post. No one is perfect, certainly not the man and certainly not the woman. We must accept each other for who we are. Jo & I are complete opposites in so many ways (most) and yet we will celebrate 37 years of marriage this Wednesday. Frankly, I agree with you, life would be aahhh…less than good (sorry I don’t use that other word) if we are all alike or Jo was like me. I am glad for diversity. I think you have done some thinking on this. 🙂
Zee: sidenote. Understood what you meant. Oh no! I understood a woman!! 😮
Fab: no not at all. She is an ideal or a goal to go after. I think the important thing is to find “you” in her and be the best “you” God has made you to be. Make sense?
NoLimit: you found the key. and yes, I do believe she is relevant to this millenium.
Ike: I have been saying that for years. When a man treats his wife as she should be treated she won’t want someone else (unfortunately there are exceptions) and they will have a relationship that lasts. Interesting thought: God told the man to love his wife in Eph.5 but never told the wife to love her husband. Just something to think about. 🙂
BBB: you got it. Thanks for coming by. I do realize that my views may be different than some, especially those from other countries (I don’t know where you are from).
@ Cycleguy, yep makes sense, thanks
Hey Bill,
Missed ya..have been in hiding for a bit and enjoyed reading your posts again…I came from a very strict fundamental church where women were expected to BE in all ways that proverbs 31 women and on top of that given an extra dose of rules to follow that were truly impossible to attain. Many of the women ended up in situations where they were mere shadows, ghosts of women walking in chains that weighed them down, covered in condemnation and judgement for not being the perfect Stepford Wife. I believe when we read this passage out of the perspective of the Bridegrooms love for His precious Bride. The Bridegroom whos love is so deep and compassioante that He would and did die for her then the proverbs woman comes Alive! Her “work” and life of service is motivated not out of guilt or condemnation but out of love! SHe is allowed to be who she was uniquely made to be and she shines. Every command I read now, every seemily impossible ideal I see I look through my new glasses of divine love and grace and mercy…they are the crucial ingredient to being who GOd purposed me to be…and who that is is me devoted to pleasing and loving and trusting my loving BRidegroom and my earthly husband because HE first loved me!
Hy Julie: Good to hear from you! Been checking your blog as well. Just saw a new one posted. Can’t wait to read it. No doubt a strict fundamentalist background would really mess up how this passage is to be seen. I love your allusion to the Bridegroom and His love for His bride. Oh, you got come beautiful glasses to see through: love, grace and mercy. Thanks for coming by and commenting.
Hi Bill,
Thanks for your comment on my blog. I cracked a smile when I read about your wife not being a morning person. I’m not a morning person and I spent half of my married life praying for God to make me a morning person but nothing changed.
But now with wisdom, my spouse and I have found a way around those ‘seemingly’ shortcomings and worked out whats best for us. STILL, I daily strive to be the best at what I do.
Thanks for sharing this.
Bill: LOL, yeah. Jo taught you well 😉
came here via Jaycee’s blog. I do believe that the proverbs 31 woman is ideal and the qualities can be attainable… what most of us do not realize is no one expects you to be all that at once. The proverbs 31 woman goes through seasons… time passes when she is all these things. If you are looking for someone to be all that at one time, then you probably wouldnt find anyone… but as the woman goes through seasons, and time passes along, each of those qualities are attainable…
I really love Julie’s perspective. Looking at it from a view of the church forcing women to be who they are not introduces condemnation and guilt, but when we look at this through the eyes of a God who loves us (and a God who gave us dominion & power over everything in this world), our attitudes towards imbibing the Proverbs 31 woman’s characteristics will be a more positive one.
Hi Cyleguy,
I don’t see this woman in proverbs 31 as a woman we are to become but I look at this woman in proverbs 31 in a more general way.
Maybe not even from the perspective of being a female. After all, men and women are part of the Bride of Christ.
I think Revelation speaks of a woman going into the wilderness. We know that this ‘woman’ could be the people of God.
If we take the example in the New Testament of Martha and Mary, Jesus says that Mary is doing the right thing by sitting and learning at the feet of Jesus. Martha was busy trying to prepare for visitors. (nothing wrong with that)except that she condemned her sister Mary for not helping her.
I don’t look at this Proverb as being something women have to attain or to reach an ideal ‘goal’ in this mortal life. I think this Proverb is really speaking about something else.
The Bible talks about not having idle hands, in the sense of not working or providing for yourself or your family. The Bible talks about women not being idle, giving them time to be busybodies and to gossip,, etc. But I don’t think that this part of scripture means that women should always be up and about doing something so that they are not idle. This would mean that she could never relax and sit down. This again I believe, is speaking about something in a very general way. Maybe not even specifically for women only.
God called the man and the woman ‘Adam’. I think we do have places in our relationships that are for men and women individually. Women nurture families. Take care of the physical needs of preparing food, feeding the baby and so on. Men are the providers and protectors of their families. I don’t think that this means that women should never work outside of the home. Or that men should not care for the children in the family or feed the baby and change the diaper.
I think that this is just a general society practice where an individual is put by God in their stongest and most beneficial place. Moms often want to be at home with their little ones. I think that’s part of being pregnant with a child and giving birth. The natural thing to do after this birth is to take care of and nurture the child. Breastfeeding etc. She’s made for that. She has the equipment that is needed for this job.:)
So my thinking is that the Proverbs 31 woman is not asking or suggesting that women have to meet this requirement or be this way. That just doesn’t make sense to me.
Maid: thanks for coming by. Glad you two have found a way to work out your differences. 🙂
Zee: the muzzle works well. 😛
DiHawk: I see your point and will consider it. When looking at it from varying degrees it does change things. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Jaycee: I too thought Julie had a ton to say. I think women (and men) are extremely tired of condemnation and guilt.
Linda: not exactly sure what you are getting at. I do agree that God has made us different (although I do disagree that God called woman “Adam”). God has uniquely gifted each of us to do what we need to do (breastfeeding,etc) but I have never looked at the everyday matters as a division of labor. Recently, someone from the local CircleK convenience store was joking with me about being messy (my pop shot out of the fountain and all over everything). She said i was probably messy at home. I told her to ask my wife. The next day she did and my wife blew her away by saying, “Nope. Actually I am. He cleans, does dishes, laundry, etc).” She said more but later that day I joked with the lady about it. I see marriage as a partnership not a dictatorship. But I do believe that King Lemuel’s mother was onto something in Prov.31. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I welcome any back as well from others.
Hi Cycleguy,
I agree to some extent with Dihawk. If anything, this woman comes to these characteristics over a period of time. However, I would say that any good characteristics we have come from God. He works that in us through the Holy Spirit. The Proverbs 31 woman may be an ideal but she will never get to this attainment without the work of the Holy Spirit, (in enablement and strength and qualities.)
We can really say (scripturally) that any work we do for God or anything attained through faith is not a work of the flesh (lest we should be able to boast!!) that we have done this.
In Genesis 5:2 The Bible says ‘He created them male and female and blessed them. And when they were created, he called them ‘man’ or ‘Adam’. The KJV translates this word man as Adam. I suppose other translations of the Bible verse might translate man as Adam too.
I think what I am saying here is that God does not intend for women to measure themselves against the Proverbs 31 woman as to how well they are doing as a woman and especially as a true follower of Jesus Christ. If you look at other scriptures in the Bible especially the New Testament Jesus’ teachings and the Apostles’ teachings they do not suggest that women have to reach this ideal. It’s not even mentioned. In my mind it’s not realistic or Biblical.
Bill:
if i may interject with my .02…
hebrew word Adam basically means “human being” – we got used to the fact that since man was created first, he got to be called Adam. but really, it was just a “person..”
the words for man and woman are different – ish and isha.
so i agree that God could’ve called Eve “adam” but in the sense of “human being.” *shrug* we’ll have to ask Him for what really was going on there 🙂
Linda:
i disagree that we should not try reaching that ideal. if we’re not trying to become better followers of Him (AND servants to other people), what’s the point of being Christians?
i don’t know about you, but i want to become a woman like that. King Lemuel’s mother’s words may be describing an ideal woman which we will never FULLY become, but while we don’t become FULLY PERFECT, we can strive to do the best we can with God’s help.
*shrug*
Thanks Zee for your .02 worth. It was well appreciated and to the point. Linda: Zee says it better than I can and from a woman’s viewpoint. I will let it stand as such. You all can duke it out. LOL Just kidding of course.
Hi Cycleguy,
I’ve been thinking more about the Proverbs 31 woman and here is what my thoughts are on interpreting this proverb today.
In Proverbs 31:10 it begins with ‘a wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies’
In Proverbs 31:30 it says ‘charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised’
My thinking is that a woman who has good character and who fears the LORD has in essence completed or done all of the works and successes of the woman in Proverbs 31. She hasn’t done these things physically herself, but in holding those 2 ‘jewels’ so to speak of noble character, and fear of God, these 2 attributes are attributed to this godly woman as if she had done all of the works and deeds in the rest of Proverbs 31.
I think to take this Proverb as literal in the sense of the performance based ideals presented in this Proverb for a woman is to refute the grace and literal provision from God himself for our value and to be who he asks us to be.
Christianity is not works based for our righteousness and justification. It is based on belief, faithfulness, patience and endurance.
The works of the Proverbs 31 woman without the character and fear of God is a ‘worldly’ definition and a worldly belief and philosophy of what constitutes the value and worth of a person. The world also gives huge validation of ‘worth’ to a person in our midst who is beautiful and charming. No character or godliness is required. Outward packaging and appearance is the criteria of the worldly woman.
I love your practicality.