Secrets & Regrets

Written by cycleguy on October 14th, 2010

Don’t you just hate it when you have a whole bunch of little ideas running through your mind that would make good blogs (least you think they would) but you can’t decide which one to do?  Yeah?  Well…this is one of those times but for some strange reason this one wasn’t even on my radar.  At least not until I was leaving the “Y” to come to the office.  I heard a song (at the end) that changed my whole line of thinking.  Here goes…

“I wish I had never heard of (you fill in the blank).”  “I wish I had never tried (you fill in the blank).”  “Why do I have so much curiosity?  After all, curiosity killed the cat.”   “I wish I had never seen that picture.”  You get the point.  I am guessing we ALL have those moments we could look back on and see a wrong step, a wrong choice, a wayward eye, a curiosity that seemed to pull us.  We could call them moments of secrets and regrets.  It has been my experience that no alcoholic ever started out to be one.  No one addicted to tobacco ever thought it would so hard to quit.  No junkie who experimented with meth or (drug of choice) ever planned to be a junkie.  No porn addict ever thought taking that first look would hook ’em.  No adulterer/adulteress ever thought that innocent chat would lead down the road of betrayal.  No, in our minds we are much stronger.  “That will never happen to me,” we say.  “Maybe so-and-so but not me.”  I’ve done it.  I’ve looked at Hollywood people and wondered, “How?”  I’ve looked at Christian leaders and wondered, “How?”  Then God leads me to the mirror and then I know: they put their pants on the same way I do every morning (unless, of course, they take flying leaps from up above and land in them).

The truth is that I suspect all of us have skeletons in our closet that we would just as soon not hear rattling around.  It is doubly hard for Christ-followers because we claim to have the power to overcome all things.  We quote verses like “Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world.” (I John 4:4)  “‘Not by might, not by power, but My Spirit,’ says the Lord.” (Zech. 4:6)  I had one of those music channels on the TV while I was stretching before a ride on Tuesday and normally I have the Classic Rock or Retro Rock on.  I decided instead to flip to the Contemporary Christian station and it was playing a song I had never heard before by an artist I had heard of.  The liner note during the song said, “Name of artist renounced her affiliation with Christian music following the release of such-and-such album.”  The song was off that album and it was absolutely haunting.  I have to admit that I wasn’t ever really a fan of this particular singer but suddenly I felt sad.  My mind reeled.  “How could you sing a song that haunting, that powerful, and then renounce what you sang about?”   Now divorced, I wonder if she left Jesus at the same time.  That is not meant to be judgmental but to make a point.  We all have closets that would demolish us if they were opened and the contents spilled out.

How about you?  Do you have secrets and regrets that you are having trouble living with?  I know SOMEONE who is good at repair jobs.  He doesn’t promise overnight miracles (although I have heard of some) but He does promise unconditional love and uncommon grace.

I know Pillar is not everyone’s cup of tea.  But this song is the one that inspired today’s post.  The lyrics are powerful and pointed.   I hope you will give a listen or at least turn the sound down so you can read the lyrics.  🙂

And now it is your turn.  How are you handling your secrets and regrets?  I would love to hear from you and suspect others would also, especially if they are fighting their demons and seeking to be free.

 

20 Comments so far ↓

  1. Toby says:

    Of course I get the Sony music “banned in your country” message. Love Sony!! 😀

    I had enough skeletons to fill several graveyards a few years ago. In the process of letting them go and letting God, so to speak, I felt the need to contact and attempt to reconcile with those who were affected by my skeletons. I’m certain I haven’t reached them all, but I’m also certain that God has. What ya see is what ya get these days…..good or bad…..I try to live as open as possible to avoid filling the closet again.

    • cycleguy says:

      Sorry about that music thing Toby. Can you do it another way? Awesome song. If nothing else, google the lyrics to Secrets and Regrets by Pillar. Living life open is the best way. I applaud your effort to reach those you hurt.

  2. Jim F. says:

    I worked in counseling for many years before becoming a full-time Pastor – one of the lines that my boss used to use all the time – “Secrets keep you sick”. In my own life I have had to come to the point where I had to share those secrets that were keeping me sick.

    When it comes to regrets Oh theres a few but unlike Sinatra I do not have too few to mention. I decided years ago to live life with this motto: “Live live with no regrets” and I have been working hard to teach it to my kids.

    Good and thoughtful post Bill

  3. Michael says:

    I love Pillar and I was hoping you would reference the song. It’s crazy good.

    Secrets and regrets is something that I wish I wasn’t an expert on. I’ve had too many to really explain, but my past is full of shame. What get’s me through is that my mess-ups can and will be used to encourage someone else struggling.

    The most comforting thing is realizing that you are not alone.

    • cycleguy says:

      Michael: not only is it good to know we are not alone but we have been forgiven. Glad you are using your mess-ups for good these days. 🙂

  4. Kim says:

    **guiltily raises hand**

    I of course have many skeletons I would rather forget. Interesting thing is how unwilling other in your life are to let you forget past deeds.

    I used to drink… a lot. Now I try not to have more than one drink very rarely. But noone wants to let me forget how I used to be. They have a good laugh, or hold it up as an example of how I’m a hypocrite.

    But I know what I know, and God has forgiven me. I’ve even managed to forgive myself (most days).

    • cycleguy says:

      Kim: I would see a whole bunch of hands raised if mine weren’t in the way. It is sad that we are forgiven but people won’t forget or let us forget. Keep living your life one day at a time for Him. That is what matters. Prayers said for you this morning. 🙂

  5. Great Word. Great Song…

    My curiosity is killing me about who the artist is… Not that I need to know that information…I’m just curious, or is it nosy?

    I like what Jim shared that “Secrets keep you sick.” We cannot depend on ourselves to overcome the skeletons. We need God and we need Christian fellowship that is sincere and open.

    After all, there is a reason we are not supposed to forsake the fellowship.

    When we are sought for help in these instances, we need to remember to love them just as Christ loved us in spite of our sin. We need to encourage them and help them and refrain from judging them.

    Sin is sin to God. There are not degrees of sin in His eyes. We have all sinned and fallen short…

    I’ll stop rambling now… I would ask that prayers would go out for a fellow Christian who has asked for my help as an accountability partner. He is struggling. For the sake of anonymity I will call him C.

    • cycleguy says:

      The artist is Pillar. They attend LifeChurch in Oklahoma (Craig Groeschel’s church). They wrote this song after/during a series he was preaching on No Regrets. Some pretty solid rock so…. You weren’t rambling but giving some good words into the conversation. Thanks for taking the time to contribute. Will remember to pray for C.

  6. lindaM says:

    Hi Bill,
    I think it is hard to live life without some secrets and regrets. I wasn’t a Christian until I was 28 years old. At least, not a practicing Christian. I think that my salvation? experience in grade 4 was a total blessing. I think that experience put me under the watchful eye of God in some ways during my growing up years. Yes, I have some regrets for the teenaged years, but I don’t live with these regrets. I can find secrets and regrets in my life but I have to sit down and make a conscious effort to try and remember what they are.
    In saying this, I think of the Apostle Paul. God said that he was going to suffer for the sake of Christ. Maybe his thorn was that he wanted God to take away the guilt and the shame. What he had done. God said no. ‘my grace is sufficient for you’ ‘when you are weak, then I am strong’. I think the Apostle Paul was weak. He preached the gospel in fear and trembling. He prayed for strength and boldness continually AND he was the most effective, fruitful, impactful, wittness of God. His writing is a large part of what we read in the New Testament!
    I think that we can weep, and weep for one another for the situations that we find ourselves in by our own doing. But God will see us through. We may have to suffer the consequences of our secrets and regrets. Paul kept his faith. He finished well. He was a huge blessing from God in his day and in our day. I am very confident that Paul will not carry the guilt and shame into eternity. Praise God! It’s not for a long time. A few short years! Glory to God!!

    • cycleguy says:

      Linda: I too praise God for several reasons: for forgiveness in spite of me. For salvation. For the fact that one day all will be made whole, especially me. Thanks for the comments.

  7. jasonS says:

    It’s painful to deal with them and confront them, but the alternative will take you out either by eating you up or your being exposed. I thank God for the Holy Spirit who searches and knows us, convicts and restores us. God really does always make a way. I know all about secrets and regrets. My family was so full of them that I hate them with a passion, but I still find myself drawn into them. We do overcome, but He doesn’t let us know when. We just have to hang on to Him until that point.

    Great post. Thanks Bill.

    • cycleguy says:

      You are so right Jason that it is painful to deal with secrets and those things we come to regret. That is especially true if in our mind they are heinous sins. I too have regrets and even though I am free in christ I also struggle with their return. I am thankful that He hangs onto me! Thanks for coming by and commenting. Your input is always welcome.

      • jasonS says:

        Just a side note, I take for granted that not everyone is on Twitter/Facebook and know what’s happening with me, but I haven’t commented recently because I was out of town. Now I’m back and you can bet I will not miss very many conversations here. I am always blessed by what you have to share. Thanks Bill.

  8. Tom Raines says:

    Sorry I was out on this one. You know this is my passion and now do NOT regret my addictions as I see how God brought them to light and now I hope I can help others in the darkness of addiction bring them to light…Do I regret, do I wonder what life would have looked like, yes. Do I hate the sins that still hold me captive, yes. Do I hate that I allowed my eyes to take away the beauty of God through pornography and other things…yes,But my weaknesses are what draw me to Him. We just have to be real and honest and not let Satan fool us into turning away. God is faithful and there is always hope in Him. We must find a safe place to get them out and God does make all things work out who love Him and are called according to His good purpose…even these secrets and regrets…they welcome new believers with hope.

    • cycleguy says:

      Tom: better late than never. 🙂 Fantastic words. Honest words. They gave me encouragement and suspect will others as well. Thanks.

  9. Johnny says:

    We live in a very “addictive” world. Everybody is addicted to something (or someone) in one way or another,,,,be it shopping, working, smoking, drinking, or even religion. We all know that some individuals out there go way too far overboard with such addictions. I guess you could say their addiction affects those closest to them too.
    Whatever addictions we may posess, we need to be careful and aware of how we make it “contageous” towards others. I’ve always admired your repore with people about Jesus. Bill, I THANK YOU, for helping me to learn and be closer to Him. God has chosen a wonderful ‘messenger’.
    I have to admit that I don’t visit this site as much as I’d like to, but if I did,,,I know I’d get addicted to it. LOL
    Two thumbs up my friend.

    • cycleguy says:

      Johnny: you are right about living in an addictive culture. It is a daily struggle for so many. Thanks for the kind words. Knowing you and helping you grow was a good time for me. Hard to forget that Wild at Heart class isn’t it? Hope you are doing well. Thanks for visiting…no matter how often.