Words

Written by cycleguy on January 24th, 2011

There are all kinds of words.  Hard words.  Cutting words.

“I am sorry.  You are being downsized.”

“I want a divorce.”

“You are a nobody.  You are worthless.”

“You are fat/skinny/dumb/slow/inept/ (take your pick)”

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.”   HOW STUPID IS THAT?

Words can also be good.  Uplifting.  Comforting. Encouraging.  Life-giving.

“Your input is vital to our ongoing success.”

“I love you.  I will be here for you.”

“You are important and don’t let anyone tell you any different.”

“I accept you just the way you are, no matter how you are or what you look like.”

The words we use make a huge difference in the lives of people we speak into.  Don’t fall for the lie of the child’s line.  It may sound extreme to say I would rather be hit by stones and a baseball bat than have someone unload their hateful, spiteful, ugly words on my soul, but in the long run, those words do more damage than any stone or bat.

How about you?  What are some of the words that have cut deeply into your soul?  Remember the hurt and the pain and then decide whether you will use those on someone else or choose to use words that uplift and encourage. What kind of words are you using to those close to you? Any thoughts?

 

37 Comments so far ↓

  1. Dustin says:

    Excellent post. Right now I’m learning (and am sure I’ll write about later) the words we use to speak into our children’s lives. Whether intentional or not, they have the power to build up and encourage, or tear down and humiliate. Not only that, but they also can have lasting effects that stick for years. I’m learning to not only be wise with my words around my kids, but also intentional with other things.

    • cycleguy says:

      Thanks Dustin. As a young parent, i am so thrilled to hear that you and your bride take care of the words you speak into your kids’ lives. you both have the power to wound or heal. Glad you are taking the latter approach.

  2. There are two people this side of Heaven who can slice me with their words: My bride and my mentor. I can shrug off any harsh words from anyone else but these two.

    Words I try to use with those closest to me:
    “Love…
    Thank you…
    You make me happy…
    I am blessed, indeed…
    Always…
    You are a gift…
    I need you…”

    Nice food for the spirit, Bill.

  3. jasonS says:

    I’ve definitely been cut and wounded by some intense words–some of them deserved and many not. I do try to choose to encourage and lift up though because I know my God and it’s an overflow of His goodness and life. Left to our own devices, we get messed up fast. Thanks Bill.

    • cycleguy says:

      I have been cut to jason. I have noticed, just in our blogging “friendship” how much you try to encourage and lift others up. I am blessed to know you. Thanks.

  4. Michael says:

    What words have cut?

    Inadequate.
    Crazy.

    Those are the two that have hurt the worst.

    I try to tell my loved ones that they are loved and cherished.

    • cycleguy says:

      Those have to hurt Michael. I am so glad to see you are stopping the cycle.

    • In the words of Dig Hay Zoose:
      Words of hate you’ll soon regret,
      Do you mean what you say when you’re upset?
      You’ll find it out once it’s said,
      Too bad, it’s so sad you can’t put it back in your head.

      I forgive you for the things you have done,
      I forgive you for the things yet to come,
      And if I ever should trespass you, I hope you would forgive me too,
      I forgive you for the things you have done,
      I forgive you for the things yet to come,
      And if I ever should trespass you, I hope you would forgive me too.

  5. First off, I apologize for not commenting regularly. I have been reading or as Zee calls it, “cyber-stalking” you.

    That aside… words are the most damaging thing I have experienced in my life. Physical pains heal and fade, but often times, words endure.

    In my own life, some of the most painful words were actually spoken by a church personnel committee…

    • cycleguy says:

      Dusty: please don’t apologize. I cyber-stalk as well. Time is short so I read and move on. That aside: I know those painful words from church people and “leadership.” Not a pretty sight. Thanks for taking the time to comment. 🙂

  6. Jason says:

    I think the reason I try to encourage and speak positive words to other people is because for so many years I didn’t hear them coming my direction. I knew what water to my soul a kind word has been so I try to give that to others.

  7. jeff says:

    I guess I am a little thicker skinned than some. I can’t remember ever thinking less of myself because of some negative comment someone made. I believe the “Sticks and Stones” thing may apply to me.
    As a manager I know the power of positive reinforcement. If you want to build up the organization you have to build up the people.
    I also have met those that can’t be built up, become weeds in the garden, and need to be pulled. That is never easy to do, and there are no warm and fuzzy words to use.
    Words that are intentionally spiteful or hurtful come out of the mouths of very small people. They need to knock someone down in order to build themself up.
    I mostly just want the words I use to be a reflection of who I am, my version of right and wrong, my take on the situation.
    If I have negative feelings about a situation I will not leave doubt by trying to spin it with warm and fuzzy nonsense.
    I mostly prefer when I have positive feelings about a situation and can heap praise on those responsible.

    • cycleguy says:

      Jeff: I think there are thicker-skinned people but they are rare. but I am glad to see you know the value of encouraging words and positive reinforcement. You are right though in that some are weeds that need to be pulled. Some do use words to build themselves up but I see it as only making themselves smaller in the eyes of others. They are legend in their own mind so to speak. Thanks for the excellent wisdom.

  8. Tami Grandi says:

    Sometimes the most hurtful words are the words left unspoken but are implied. For me- the words that have been spoken- well, I am going to keep them put away because I have learned that hurting people say hurtful things and that they are not true. I do try to encourage and uplift whenever possible- and I think sometimes the most important thing that can be said (besides I love you) is a simple “I believe in you”, “I’m here for you no matter what”.

  9. Tami Grandi says:

    and sorry if that was babbling- it was a long Monday (first Monday in school since before Christmas) and I’m exhausted 🙂 Love you!

    • cycleguy says:

      Will comment on both. The first: very insightful. A hard truth to learn is a truth nonetheless: hurting people hurt people. Second: no apology necessary. 🙂 Thanks for the comment. Now, get some rest.

  10. You use words well Bill. They always uplift and encourage. You are such a blessing.
    It was also a blessing to read your wife’s beautiful words on your post. Such a sweet thing to see. You both are amazing people.

    • cycleguy says:

      Thanks Julie. You know how I feel about your ministry and way of saying things. 🙂 As for Jo: yeah I have been blessed. She is the most amazing of us. Thanks for the comment.

  11. Jim F says:

    Love the post. I am reminded of a sermon I did back years ago. I brought a friend on the platform. I got a can of whipped cream. I talked about how good whipped cream can be on things like ice cream. I also talked about how once the whipped cream is out of the can you can not put it back in. I talked about how sweet it is but then talked about how much of a mess it could make. I then started saying hateful things about my friend. When I would say things I would spray the whipped cream on a paper plate then I would spread it on his face, in his hair, on his cloths. I made a mess with the whipped cream all over him. I then equated the whipped cream back to words. Once we say words we can not get them back. Words can be sweet when used right but can make a sticky mess when used the wrong way. I used Ephesians 4:29 as my text.

    I as I wrote about in my post love the word HOPE.

    Have a blessed day!

    • cycleguy says:

      Great illustration Jim! Do you still have a friend? 😛 No doubt those who were there that day got the point. You have a blessed day also.

  12. Rodney Olsen says:

    Thanks for the post. I’ve just added it to StumbleUpon. I hope that brings some traffic your way.

    Words can be so powerful.

  13. techgeek says:

    Going to ramble a minute… I can’t recall anything substantial said by someone close to me that has hurt… however, you got me thinking of an incident when I was a teenager employed by a DQ. I had decided to put in my notice and switch jobs – was hired as a lifeguard at a local pool. The pay was better, the work hours were better, and as a teenage guy, other benefits as well. But of all the things that have been said to me, I remember the manager’s husband coming to me and telling me I would never amount to anything because I was not sticking with the job there. I immediately put of my teenager defensive attitude… but of all things that have cut me in words… His words cut me and to this day I still remember… Not that it haunts me or anything, but interesting that what would really be a fairly insignificant event would carry that much rememberance.

    • cycleguy says:

      R: isn’t it funny how something that happened years ago, even though we have put it away and in your case proven him wrong, still sticks with us? I am glad that you did not allow his words to tear you down and give up. I would say (IMHO) that you have done a fantastic job of becoming a godly man, a great husband and father and a friend. Thanks for the input.

  14. The words that hurt the most: “Your death is the light at the end of a long dark tunnel for me.”

    That hurt. Still does. I have forgiven, but the memory lingers.

    • cycleguy says:

      WOW Matt! i cannot even begin to imagine how much that hurt! There are times you just wish the memory would be wiped away. Thanks for sharing that.

  15. Tom Raines says:

    Words have certainly caused me pain but the words I have said to myself have probably robbed me most of God’s glory. I do regret the tone and lack of words I have used to lift my bride.

    • cycleguy says:

      Tom: many or most of us have said words to ourselves that have been derogatory. And I cannot even begin to think about the time I have torn down instead of lift up my bride. She is a very patient and loving woman. Thanks.

  16. Pinky says:

    As a child my Mom told me I had a big lower lip (just like my DECEASED Father), and it made me feel AWFUL but also that maybe she didn’t love HIM either……..I used to walk around sucking in my bottom lip. Sometimes people don’t even need words to make you feel “less than”. Actions really do speak louder than words in many cases. I am sorry I don’t always comment. Sometimes I just can’t say out loud what is in my heart.

    • cycleguy says:

      Pinky: little things, even those said on the side, can harm us. I hope by now you realize you are a beautiful creation in the eyes of the Father. As for the comment: I understand. I am always honored that you would even think of coming by. Thanks.

  17. lindaM says:

    Hi Bill,
    I think that ugly, hateful, spiteful words come out of an evil heart. Although I believe that the Bible says that blessing and cursing can come out of the same person (or mouth). Which the Bible says should not be happening.

    On the other hand, Peter stood up and used truth in his words to convict 5,000 people who were ‘cut to the heart’ with the understanding of their part in error and disobedience to God.

    Some words that sound good can be harmful instead of helpful. For example, in my own experience someone said to me ‘I’ve ruined my life’ and I said ‘No you haven’t, you’re doing fine!’. I wouldn’t allow this person to think or verbalize these words in my presence. A critical mistake.

    Not all ‘good words’ sound good at the time.
    In proverbs 27:6 ‘Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses’.

    Discipline requires correction and instruction. In some Christian circles the belief is that any words used in this way would not be considered ‘life giving’, and yet God disciplines us the Bible says. It’s not always a pleasant and uplifting experience. It’s correction.

    I think that’s why certain words are not used anymore, like ‘sin’. We are taught as believers that when we sin all is forgiven because of the blood and sacrifice of Jesus. What if the person hasn’t repented? What if they haven’t asked for forgiveness from God and other people? Is Jesus a security blanket for Christians to do whatever they want with no consequnces? But the Bible says that judgement will begin with the house of God.

    In part, this teaching of ‘no consequences’ has removed the fear of God from believers. the Bible says that the fear of God is required. In part, we have accepted teaching that we have wanted to hear and not necessarily the truth of the Bible.

    I’ll stop now, My comment is getting too long. Talk to you later.

  18. Jan Frame says:

    I am sorry to read that such a horrible thing was said to Matt. I have often said, I have forgiven the bad things that have been said to me, about me, but I can’t forget. As you know, part of my self esteem struggles comes from thinking I’m a bad person because of bad things that have been said to me. I try really hard to say uplifting things to people, especially when I’m at school…I pretty much figure most of the kids I have don’t hear much encouragement from whoever they live with, so even if somebody is on my last nerve, I try to make light of it and say something positive to them. 🙂 Whenever I hear a student say something derogatory to another student, I counteract with a postive statement, (while giving the evil eye to the offending student) haha Words are very influential. Everyday I pray for God to let the right things come out of my mouth & for those times I don’t feel so encouraging, that I can just keep my mouth shut. I try real hard to gauge what I say by thinking…..would God be pleased by what I’m about to say? Very good post Bill.

    • cycleguy says:

      Jan: even one who fights a poor self-esteem can lift others up. I am excited to see you desiring to go beyond the hurt of the past and reach out in words to kids who need it. Thanks Jan. Look forward to seeing you and Michael soon.