I have to be honest with you: when I sat down and wrote my Sunday post, I never planned on doing what I have inadvertently done this week. It was only when I began to think about this post that I realized what I had done. If you were to look back at the previous three posts- here and here and here– you will see the common theme. Every one of them has to do with speech. Without even realizing it (sometimes it does take time to get through), I was writing this post on speech. So…here goes.
Let me first draw your attention to a passage of Scripture: “Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman whom he had married, for he had married a Cushite woman. And they said, ‘Has the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has he not spoken through us also? And the Lord heard it.'” [Num.12: 1-2] I underlined the two words I wanted to emphasize but those same thoughts can be seen in their criticism and whining in the latter part of those two verses. Take a closer look at what seemed to be the motivating factor behind their criticism. I may be wrong but it appears that the real issue was not his marriage but his authority. The old green-eyed monster has reared its ugly head. If I may paraphrase the last part of that Scripture: “What makes him think he is any better than us? What gives him the right to think that God has only spoken through him? What are we? Chopped liver?” But the verse ends rather ominously, don’t you think? I tend to think that what is about to come down is not a good thing. In verse 8 God asks, “Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses? And the anger of the Lord was kindled against them, and he departed.”
I have only two words to say at this point: “Uh oh.” (Profound don’t you think?) 🙂 Look at God’s deep feelings. He didn’t wait for their explanations, and you don’t have to be a Bible scholar to feel God’s heat. The heat came. Miriam became leprous. I have to admit a little mystery here. Why was Aaron not punished as well? Could it have been sort of like the Golden Calf incident? Aaron was a stooge to the Israelites and also to Miriam? Help me out if you know. It does say in Numbers 20 that Aaron died and would not enter the Promised Land because of his rebellion against God at Meribah (Moses struck the rock in anger).
Whew! I got off track with that. I. really. wanted. to. talk. about. criticism.
People will say there are two types of criticism: good and bad. The bad is easy to see. Behind the back. In your face. Dividing sides. Spreading rumors. Undermining. “I have your good in mind when I say this.” You know the type I am talking about. Then there is the “good”- the constructive criticism. Aaaahhh yeeeaaah. I am speaking for myself on this, but criticism is only constructive when it comes from a friend or mentor who has my good in mind, and the goal of helping me to be more like Christ. Then it is delivered with love and concern and a heart filled with humility. I have had my share of being on the constructive destructive end of a double-barrel shotgun aimed directly for my heart. DON’T LET A GRACE-ROBBER OR ANYONE ELSE STEAL YOUR JOY WITH THEIR UNWARRANTED, UNNECESSARY AND UNASKED FOR CRITICISM! Do listen to those who love you and with whom you have established a friendship/relationship. Remind yourself before you fly off the handle at someone who is giving you the criticism, that God came to the aid of Moses, and will also do that for you. Please don’t take it that I am saying you can’t learn from the encounter either. And please don’t hand me that “touch not the Lord’s anointed garbage either.”
I know I rambled some in this post. My thoughts were all over the place. Comes from a mind that is always spinning (but not from ADD). 🙂 What are your thoughts about criticism? I could even ask a ton of questions here but this post has gone on long enough. How do you handle criticism? But let’s turn it around some: are you critical of others? How does that shoe fit? I would like to hear your thoughts.
That’s tough, because in the past I associated ‘criticism’ with conflict. I’ve learned over the last few years that conflict can, in fact, be a healthy part of a relationship. So, that is something that I definitely want to think about…
With regards to accepting words from other people: I’m guarded a lot of the time, and for it to ‘sink in’ (so to speak) I feel that I need to know the heart behind it, you know? If friend I dont see or talk to that often comes up and says something, it would be difficult to not question the motive behind it. I suppose it’s just as important to extend grace and kindness in both situations.
It is tough Dustin, and in all honesty cannot be answered in a blog post. There is so much more to open up about. Guarded is a good word to use for the “old friend” thing. Can never go wrong with grace and kindness. Thanks Dustin.
I’m with you. When the criticism comes from people I respect and know care for me, I can handle it a whole lot better. It may still be hard to hear, but I know the love is there. Am I critical? Not really. I’ve actually had a hard time saying things I needed to because I didn’t want to be critical, but then I realized that if I truly loved the person, I would tell them in love. That’s a huge lesson I’ve been really learning in the past 6 months or so.
Thanks Bill.
I know what you mean by the need to say things but holding off. I try really hard not to be critical, sometimes to a fault. Telling the truth in love is a hard one to learn but worth it. Thanks Jason.
Criticism is such a hard thing especially in today’s culture. People think that they have the right to give you their opinion on everything driven by things like Facebook or blogs or letters to the editor, etc. They seem to think that just because their view differs from yours that you have to listen to it and give it validation no matter how incorrect they may be in their view.
And if you don’t agree, well, then you’re just intolerant, aren’t ya? 😉
If I’m criticized by someone whom I respect, I process it and see what they’re seeing. If it’s someone I don’t know but who identifies themselves, I might give it some credence. If it’s someone I don’t respect or someone who doesn’t identify themselves, I just ignore it.
Yeah that whole tolerance thing is another issue that sort of sticks in my craw. 🙂 Hope you keep the good perspective and listen when you need to and shut out when necessary. Thanks Jason for coming by.
I think its easy to not ever like criticism, even when its meant to be a good thing because we feel so much like its an attack on our character. If someone is saying “I’m worried about how much money you are spending” or whatever the constructive criticism may be…we don’t like it. We feel people should never have a say in how we lead our lives. Its a mature person who can take something like that and think it through or pray about it and ask God to show them how to improve or where they need to repent. I once heard a quote and I can’t remember who said it, but it was something about listening to things said to you even if its bad (or insulting) to see if there is any truth in any of them. Most of the time there is probably a little truth to things said to you even if it was said in a mean way. I take this to heart more so in my marriage and close relationships than with ppl who don’t know me, but nonetheless, its a good thing to live by.
Weeding out the good and bad is sometimes hard to do, that’s for sure Michelle. Listening with discernment is so important. I love what you have said here. thanks for the input into this discussion.
Criticisim. If you are an author you welcome Literary critics to review your works. If you produce movies you want the attention of movie critics. If you are Joe Schmoe you don’t really want Joe Schmoe critics weighing in on your every move.
The question is the intellectual depth of the person doing the critique.
I have encouraged, and I think successfully, my children to find mentors in their chosen professions, to provide feedback for growth. Encouragement coupled with honest suggestions for changing behavior. Critics.
Unwelcome critics, critics with less than your best interest, critics that just tell you what they don’t like, critics for whom you have no respect are a pain in the ___.
You make a good point about the ones who benefit you. Glad that you have encouraged your children to seek mentors. Getting feedback is not a bad thing for growth. I agree with your last statement too! Shocked? 🙂 Thanks Jeff.
I’m very quick to spot fault in others, but not so quick with spotting it in myself. I don’t take unsolicited criticism very well, but will often seek out constructive criticism from those I trust. I find that as long as someone approaches the subject with tact and in love, I appreciate their concern and effort. I try to give others the same benefit.
Common problem Larry. I struggle with that as well. Have you ever noticed that which we are most critical of in someone else is often our strong suit? Or in some cases it is the very thing we are trying to overcome.
I love criticism. And I love judgment. I love knee-jerk reactions and legalistic assumptions. I do. No joke.
Why?
Because criticism is a double-edged sword, and with whatever critique a person brings to me, I, in turn, bring back to them. The question is which of us will be the last man standing with God when the smoke clears.
Dealing with criticism and judgmental attitudes glorifies God my Father in my life and only serves to make me stronger in Him. So I love criticism.
Just an observation.
Do I sense a combative nature? 🙂 Thanks Donald.
Not combative, Bill. It’s simply that I am no one’s doormat.
Judge me, and with the same measure that you bring, I shall gladly reciprocate.
I actually find this to be appropriate.
Sounds a little like jesus in Matthew 7. 🙂 thanks donald.
Bill…
I went and purposely re-read Matthew 7 based on your comment.
I am actually flattered and blessed that you would say this about me. Truly. That was one of the strongest compliments anyone has ever laid on me.
Thank you, Bill Grandi.
You’re welcome. One of my biggest gripes in the past has been about those who are good at criticism but lousy at taking it.
Hi Bill,
I have a tendancy to be critical. For example, if my friend (who’s a Christian) begins to use sarcasm too much I will ask her not to. Sometimes the sarcasm is too negative and we both start speaking things we shouldn’t. That’s when I have talked to her about it and she is ok with that.
My daughter has said that I criticize her. For example, if I say ‘should we put a hat on Sean?’ she will say ‘he’s ok’ and I will say ‘but it’s really cold today’ and she will feel upset because I’m disagreeing with her and she is disagreeing with me.
I’m critical at times with Christian leadership because I think that certain types of leadership has led many people into the ditch with their faith. For example the prosperity leadership, the pharisaical leadership styles, the wolves in sheep’s clothing.
When we look at scripture we see Paul correcting Peter on the spot when Peter started separating himself with the Jews when eating. Paul and Peter were ministering to some Gentiles at the time.
Paul also refused to accept Mark as a missionary partner because he was not sure if Mark would stay with him and Barnabas as mark had left them one other time when they needed him. This issue separated Paul and Barnabas.
Peter admonished and gave immediate judgement when Simon the sorcerer tried to buy the gift of the Holy Spirit. The bible says that Simon believed Peter and John concerning Jesus. He was a follower. Peter pronounces sentence on him quickly.
I think ‘judge’ is another word that has been disallowed in the church and Christian circles. It’s not always wrong to judge. How can we correct one another if we cannot say someone is perhaps in error?
Paul judged the young man in the Corinthian church when he was sleeping with his step-mother at the same time his father was married to her. Paul said throw him out of the church, if he is not repentant about what he has done to have nothing to do with him. The young man does repent and Paul says to bring him back into fellowship if it was in the Corinthian churches’ heart to do so.
Just some thoughts again.
Sometimes Linda, being critical is not bad. We do need to be discerning. So if that is being critical then so be it. I struggle with unwarranted criticism shooting at little stuff or for the sake of hurt. You make some excellent points. Thanks.
Hi Bill,
Very good post. I think your topic has brought out thinking in my mind of whether the modern church in North America is a little bit like the Corinthian church of yesterday.
Before Paul admonished and instructed them the Corinthian church was not disciplining or doing anything about the sin in their midst. The modern church today does not discipline either. I think that this is the situation occuring in the Corinthian church where Paul says that ‘a little leaven leavens the whole lump’.
Has the striving by church leadership in North America for large numbers of people attending their church undermined the purity of the modern day church?
Has it undermined? Possibly. I just think that church discipline, while very Scriptural, is not practiced as often or like it should be. Thanks Linda.
Well — if I would have written this post I would have …..
Criticism is not a spiritual gift as some would think it is. I know for me that it can be a mode of communication that I have to fight against. I have to constantly put myself in someone else’s shoes. This helps me keep perspective.
I then also try to deal with criticism (and this is REALLY HARD) by trying to see what the truth is in the criticism.
A couple of Proverbs from chapter 27 come to mind: 5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Good thoughts!
Reckon I should have let you write this post Jim…it would have been better. 😛 Thanks for the Scripture references. I should have taken the time to look things up. Glad you got my back. Yep, should have let you write this post. Thanks.
You did a wonderful job – no criticism here 🙂
Great post Bill, I have to agree that the heart of the person sending needs to be considered as well as my heart. As a person crippled by the hope of perfectionism I have, at times, been too sensitive to protect my pride. However, from a loving heart I have found that the sting is reduced. I need to slow down my responses and search my heart and my flesh. I don’t like criticism but am keenly aware it is needed to get my attention at times. Great post!!
I think tom, those with perfectionistic tendencies struggle with criticism a tad more than others. I tend not to be a perfectionist so I let things slide perhaps more than you would. I appreciate your analysis and desire to grow in Christ. Thanks my friend for some good input.
It takes a lot of maturity to deal with criticism. A lot of people don’t have as much maturity as they might think they do.
Sorry I’m always a day late with comments. It’s the nature of the beast, getting the post fed to me via email – it only shows up the NEXT day, not the same day you post it.
It certainly does take maturity to deal with criticism-good or bad. As for being late: you aren’t late. Everyone else is early. 🙂 I would rather you came late than not at all. I value your insights. Thanks Bernard. (And really it isn’t late. I just post it late on the day before).
Dang, you collect a lot of comments in a really short time… Jealous.
I think it is because you are a Packer fan and I am a Steeler fan. 🙂
I’m gonna have to unsubscribe from this evil site. 🙂
LOL
One rule for criticism I try to follow is–consider the source. If it comes from a chronic complainer, you should probably ignore it.
that makes sense.
I take most of it well. I think that most criticism is mixed with some truth. The key for me, is to figure out what’s not truth in it. I think that makes sense.
Hi CycleGuy,
I do criticize people a lot and do you know I really hate criticism.
Just felt like sharing my mind.
Best Regards…..
Adibiye Enos • Sales • Ha-Shem Network Services Ltd
Adibiye: thanks for visiting. If I remember correctly you have come over from Jaycee’s blog. Sort of ironic isn’t it that you are critical but still hate it. Certainly not alone though. I know others like that as well. Thanks for coming by.
I’m often critical of my own work so sometimes when someone else criticizes something I’ve labored on for a long time trying to make it perfect, I can overreact, simply because I rarely show something that would not meet my personal standards.
There are people from whom I can accept criticism but only because I know that they are wiser than me and they know stuff (and even with them I can overreact…)…
I try not to criticise – I try to comment proposing a way to solve the problem… There are times however when I am critical of others (most of the time it happens when I am either sleep-deprived or hungry… feed me and let me sleep and i’ll be white and fluffy again 😀 )
I think many of us are often critical of our own work if we are honest with ourselves! If not, then we definitely get touchy when someone criticizes us. I think I would like it better when you are white and fluffy and not sleep-deprived and hungry.