Friendship

Written by cycleguy on March 2nd, 2011

The year was 1992 and I was the Lead Pastor of a church in Terre Haute, IN.  One Sunday a man showed up and I chatted with him.  His name was Jim (real name) and he returned the next week.  He eventually felt like the church was the place he wanted his family, and they began to come with him. He asked me if I would perform his mother’s graveside service in Illinois, so on one of the coldest, windiest and most bitter days I had ever seen, I stood outside and served Jim.   Soon, he found out I liked to ride a bike and since we sort of “hit it off,” he decided he wanted to ride with me.  He picked up a garage sale bike for something like $25; had it worked on; and we started riding. (It weighed a ton).  In 1995 I went on my first extended bike tour but Jim was unable to go along.  The next year though he went.  Throughout the years, we have laughed (and howled together); eaten gobs of meals together; been in each others’ homes; and oh…did I tell you we rode tons of miles together?  I moved away from Terre Haute in 2000, but that didn’t stop our getting together.  For 3 summers, Jim made the trip, bike in tow, to visit me, go to Cedar Point and of course, ride.  When I moved here to Spencer in 2005, we both relished the idea that we would be less than an hour apart.  True to our plan, we get together as often as we can to ride.  He loves to come here because of the hills.  🙂

I say all this because Jim came to visit yesterday (Tuesday).  It is his last “hurrah” for quite a while…six weeks at least.  Tomorrow (Thursday), my close riding buddy, my #2 male friend, goes in for radical prostate surgery.   As we rode yesterday we talked (as much as our huffing and puffing would allow. After all, it is early in the season and it was his first ride since we rode on 12/8).  The doctor says his cancer is bad, but praise God it has not reached his blood nor his bones.  He also says Jim has had it for maybe two or three years.   This past summer we were riding and he was telling me some symptoms that had him concerned.  I told him to get to the doctor…NOW!  And then I told him this: “Jim, I love you too much and I am not ready to lose you.”

I know that may sound morbid to some of you.  But there is something you must know about me.  I DO NOT TAKE MY FRIENDSHIPS LIGHTLY. I have many acquaintances.  I have few friends.  That is the nature of the beast I reckon.  I cut my “pastor teeth” in a generation that said, “Pastors should not have close friends.”  I understood that but always had trouble with it.  I have my #1 male friend who lives in KY.  I have Jim.  And let’s see…okay that’s it.  I have guys I love hanging out with.  One I ride with quite frequently; one is a computer whiz; and there are a few others, but because I am their pastor, I have to be somewhat guarded.  It is hard, but it is the nature of the beast.   With Jim it was different (We have been friends for almost 2o years).  He saw me more than his pastor; I was his friend.  I appreciated that about him.

Jim’s surgery, one that will radically change his life, but hopefully will allow him to live, love and laugh for a long time to come, is scheduled for 2:30 Indiana (EST) time.  If you think about it, would you say a prayer for him, Tina, Gregory and Nicole?  I know he would appreciate it.  And if you have any spare room in that prayer closet, say one for me.  Thanks a bunch.

Now, let me ask you: what about your friendships?  Do you cherish them?  Who would you consider your closest of friends?  Do you tell them often how much they mean to you?

 

41 Comments so far ↓

  1. randy morgan says:

    good friends are priceless. i’ll pray for jim and his family at 1:30pm (cst) tomorrow, bill. thanks for the post.

  2. dustin says:

    Will be praying, Bill.

    Some of my closest friends are those I have from college, 10 years ago. It was during that time in my life, where I felt we “lived life together” (all in the same life-stage, all learning new things, living in a somewhat small “community”). I’m grateful that those few are still some of my closest friends even today.

    • cycleguy says:

      My #1 male friend has been that since college. We played on the ball team together and have done things since then many times over. We have stayed close, even meeting 1/2 way for pizza at lunch. I graduated in ’74. 🙂 Thanks for the prayers Dustin.

  3. Michael says:

    I’m gonna be honest and say that I don’t have very many close friends that I get to see or talk to. Many of them have distanced themselves because of my how I choose to live.

    • Moe says:

      Well, consider me a close friend, even in this thing we called internet. Even if you blame disquss on eating my comments, I still love you Mike. One day I’ll see you and we can poop our pants together!

    • cycleguy says:

      Perhaps when you move Michael, God will bring some guys into your life who can become friends. You’ll be glad He did.

    • E-brothers, yes? That’s what phones are for, Michael!

      Bill, I shall keep this before our Father and ask Him for His hand of miracles to extend forth. He is faithful.

      I also am encouraged by your “historic relationship” you have here. These are the ones that are cemented in our hearts and can easily weather long periods.

      Good stuff, Bill.

  4. Adam says:

    My best friend would have to be my wife. She is the first person whenever something good or bad happens that i want to talk to. She’s pretty awesome.

  5. I have never heard that pastors shouldn’t have close friends thing – where in the heck does that come from? What is the logic?

    • cycleguy says:

      I come from a generation of older pastors Charlie. I was taught that pastors ought to distance themselves from their people and not have close friends in the church. While the tradition I came from decried the clergy/laity division, they sure practiced it. I never did do well with it. I found myself getting close to some of the people, if nothing else than by sports. I don’t practice or teach it today. Thanks for asking.

  6. jeff says:

    Friends? There is a subject I value highly that the Bible has little to nothing to say about. My best friend I met when I was 5 or 6 and we grew up together. We were next door neighbors. We have always been best friends. We will always be best friends. We raced motorcycles together (on the national scene) and he was best. We played sticks and balls sports. I was best. I have buried his Mother and Father with him and and he with me. We have lived life from the same beginnings. Do I tell him what he means. Hell no. We are men. Telling is not required. We just know. I can’t wait until our next fishing adventure.

    • cycleguy says:

      I would disagree with you jeff in saying that the Bible has little to nothing to say about friendship. Proverbs is filled with references to friends. the Bible is filled with examples of it. The whole book of Philemon stands as a letter to a friend but also the benefits of friendship. But it sounds like you all have a really cool relationship. Glad you still have him around. Thanks.

    • jeff,

      Reference David and Jonathan. Men who loved one another deeply, without the modern-day version of such male closeness attached to it.

      Jesus said:
      “No greater love than this- that a man would lay his life down for his friends.”

      The Scriptures have much to say about friendship, jeff.

      • cycleguy says:

        Those were two of what I had in mind Donald (and Jeff). To me, David & Jonathan stand as an example of what a friendship should be like. Thanks.

  7. Ike says:

    Im not sure why, but prostate cancer runs in my family. My dad had his taken out when he was 67. It was too late and already penetrated outside the prostate. They did do radiation on him….but that was it. Today…he is 89 years old/young??? His PSA is off the charts….but he is still here:-) Last week, my brother had his taken out arthroscopic. Just a couple little slits and they pieced it out. He is doing quite well.

    Best friends? My wife…my son…and I have a really neat “younger” pastor who will talk to me any time.. day or night. I’m blessed!

    I prayed for this family before the comment. BTW….you might enjoy my pastor’s two blogs. I’ll leave the links.

    http://doyouunderstandwhatyouarereading.blogspot.com/

    http://preachingwithgreateraccuracy.blogspot.com/

    • cycleguy says:

      I appreciate your prayers Ike, especially since you have been touched by it. I will check out the blog after I am done with this. Thanks.

  8. Moe says:

    I have 1 close friend. For about 5 years now. I love him very much (bromance). I also have a band of brothers that I have never met here on the web. I love them too. Friend is such a powerful word. We must cherish those relationships.

    I’ll be praying Bill. I promise.

  9. Larry Hehn says:

    I have many wonderful acquaintances who I cherish but really only a couple of very close friends. I’m blessed that they both took the initiative to develop our relationship to the depth it is now. I meet with them every week for breakfast, and always see them on Sundays too. I never hesitate to let them know how much I appreciate them. So I can relate to your relationship with Jim. I will definitely be praying.

    • cycleguy says:

      That is cool Larry that you have those guys as friends and you make a point to spend time with them. Thanks for your prayers.

  10. Jason says:

    I have one close friend who lives near me in Nashville. My best friend lives in another state and we only chat via the net and phone. Most of my friends are internet based. I’m thinking I need some real off-line local friends but I’m not good at making friends like that.

    I will be praying for your friend.

    • cycleguy says:

      While praying for Jim, why not pray for a friend or two for you? Perhaps God has someone in mind even as I write. But thanks for your prayers Jason.

  11. Jim F says:

    Friendship is the hardest thing for me being a Pastor. I have very few friends. I have no who lives close but I have a couple I call and we get together when I am in their area or they are in mine. I really believe it is one of the Pastor’s issues that we all have to deal with. I think Larry hits on something and that is I have a lot of acquaintances but very few close friends – I do cherish the ones I have. It is something I have prayed on and off about for years.

    Lord, I pray now for Jim. I pray that you would give the doctor great skill and wisdom as he performs the surgery and what he can not do I pray Lord that you would do. I pray for a full recovery. I lift his wife and children before you and pray you would give them peace and comfort. I pray also for my friend Bill that you would continue to give him your grace, wisdom, and encouragement.

  12. Jan Frame says:

    I will definitely be praying for Jim, Tina and the kids Bill.

  13. Praying for you and your friend Bill.

    I am blessed to be surrounded by many friends, if you remember from my Band of Brothers posts, most have been friends for over 20 years.

  14. Tom Raines says:

    I will be praying!

  15. Stan says:

    Thanks for sharing, Bill. Thanks for being so open about a difficult topic. I will definitely say a prayer for your friend.

  16. Zee says:

    Good thing about having friends who are following Christ is that there is the hope to see them after this life is over…

    My best best friend and I have a lot in common – my mom once even mistaken me for Anna (granted it was in the evening and there wasn’t much light… yet still)… A lot in common, yet she still hasn’t decided what to do about God. She comes to Church once in a rare while with me and she knows a few people there including my pastor… Yet…

    I often think that if it wasn’t for her, I would be 100% ready for Jesus to come again. I don’t want to lose her.

    But she’s the best friend I could’ve wished for. Ever. If only I could find a guy who would understand me like her, it would be heaven on earth 😀 Hahaha.

    And yes, we tell each other quite often that we cherish each other’s friendship.

    • cycleguy says:

      That is a really cool story Zee! I had to chuckle big time with the guy reference. You will find one some day. ‘Course you realize you will have to introduce him to me and he will have to pass the big brother test. 🙂 Thanks for the prayers.

      • Zee says:

        LOL, poor guy 😀 Considering that a few friends of mine now want to meet him and test him whether he’s a suitable match… 😀 Hahaha.

        Thanks, tho. I will keep that in mind 😀