The fourth installment of Unchained is written by fellow blogger, Jon Jacobs, who blogs at Imperfectly Perfect. When I asked for volunteers to contribute, Jon stepped forward. I like that in a young man! It sure beats twisting someone’s arm! 🙂 Jon’s story is somewhat different than the other three, which you can read here, and here, and here. I met Jon by way of blogging and have come to really respect this young man’s thoughts. He shows a heart for God that I wish I had had when I was his age. Take your time and read through his thoughts and then feel free to comment after reading.
One of my all time favorite books is Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Miller is very honest in the way he writes, and even though, our stories are vastly different, I could still relate to his feelings on the church. When Bill asked me to write a post on my own personal experience, I immediately thought of that book. I had wanted to pull up a quote from the book, but, not surprisingly, I have no idea where my copy of the book is. Funny, how that always seems to happen. Anyways, there is a part in the book, where Miller accounts his own churchgoing experience, and essentially, he states that sometimes a church is not for you.
I’d like to use that same line of thinking with my own personal experience. Also, I’d like to state, that my intention here is not to bad mouth anyone, but rather, shed some perspective on what I believe is a very important issue. Now, when I was thinking about what to exactly write, my mind was going in a thousand different directions. I could go on for pages about this and that, but I’m pretty sure you don’t want to read that, and I don’t really want to write that, either. 😉 Yet, one thing, really stood out to me: the youth.
I’m 22 years old, and I believe, one of the most fundamentally important things, about any church, is that there should be an environment that encourages future generations. I believe this aspect was sorely missing from the church that I grew up in. On paper, I guess you could say we had those kinds of things; we had Sunday school, we had monthly “youth” meetings, we had those yearly type celebrations…just to name a few. However, the problem was that, I never felt comfortable in my own skin, and I know I wasn’t the only one.
Our Sunday School felt really tedious; there were grades for different age groups with a curriculum. Obviously, when you’re a little kid, you don’t really know what you’re doing, but the bigger issue, was when I got to the older grades. The classes felt more like a lecture rather than a discussion. We memorized verses, but honestly, I couldn’t even recite half of them to you know (or tell you what they really meant). Also, Jesus isn’t boring, but it sure felt that way. Looking back at that time, I really wish we could actually talk about things that teens dealt with, how those lessons, those verses, could apply to our lives….to my life. But, we didn’t.
That really is the core of the problem that I faced at my home church. We didn’t talk about anything…everything was just swept under the rug. Not only did we not talk about anything, we weren’t really comfortable to talk about pressing issues. Why? Well, because, Sunday after Sunday, we were being told what we should and shouldn’t be doing. TV was bad…you were kind of looked down upon if you did have one. No one should go to the movie theaters because that was bad. Girls shouldn’t wear pants, or makeup, or jewelry. It was just a bunch of rules shoved down our throats.
Now, I don’t know about you, but no one wants to really hear that on a weekly basis, especially if you’re a teen or young adult. The sad thing is that it pushed a lot of the older youth away from the church. As a teen, I saw so many of the older kids leave, or just pretend to care. I knew what was going on; they knew what was going on….everyone was just saving face, playing the Sunday game.
The situation makes me sad because there are a lot of things; I wish I had said back then. Things, I wish I could get off my chest had I felt comfortable enough. Teens go through a whole lot of things, and to just ignore problems, just makes things worse down the road. The thing is, this is the future of the church, and, I truly believe, we should invest in them. Now, I’m not saying, ignore everyone else. What I am saying, is that there needs to be an environment where people don’t feel judged, where they see what the love of God really means. A place that cultivates community and allows people to form deep bonds. That’s what was missing from my home church.
I would also like to add before I wrap things up, that I am very thankful to my parents as well as my college experience. I got to really grow close to God during college; I was able to find a group, and church where I felt God’s presence, and I felt comfortable enough to talk about things. Also, to my parents, because they recognized the flaws with our home church, and were totally fine, when I told them that I’d be looking for another one. There’s a lot more I could say, but I’ll end it now.
Thank you for reading, and thank you, Bill for the opportunity to share a little bit of my story.
Thanks Jon for sharing your story. I will be away for the day attending The Elephant Room with some other pastors. I will okay comments but will not have time to comment. Jon will keep up with that. Thanks for reading. Would you like to submit a post for this series? Email me: pastor (at) ovcf.org.
Thanks Jon for your story and your good perspective!
Thank you for reading!
Hope you have a good time at the Elephant Room, Bill.
Jon, thanks for your story. Your words really convicted me about how I personally am working to raise up those after me. I’ve been thinking about mentoring some younger people, and I really feel the Lord leading me in that direction. I know that’s not really the central theme of your blog post, but it was funny how it spoke to me in that way.
Loren…no worries. I love that idea of mentoring. That’s an awesome thing, and I truly believe that you can have an impact on their lives. Will be praying for you.
Thanks for reading.
Thank you, Jon, for sharing your story. I’m seeing a pattern, I think, in these stories. I’m happy you got out, and are looking elsewhere.
Susan..thank you for sharing your story as well; I’m glad we both were able to get out of it. There definitely is a pattern, and I pray that more eyes are opened to the truth.
Thanks a lot for sharing with us, Jon. I believe you have to give everything you are to help a church get past their own deficiencies (because every church has them), but there comes a point when you have to draw the line and ask “is God at work here? If not, where is He working, and how can I get in on that?” It’s a shame that any church would let themselves become irrelevant to future generations and essentially cut themselves off from any chance of survival or growth.
Love those words, Stephen. Giving everything that we are..so true. You raise some really important questions…how can we be able to change things when they are not working. I wish my home church would be open to change, but the elders are so fixed on their ways, it’s like talking to a wall. It really is a shame, especially because it goes against everything the Church should be.
Thanks for reading.
That is a shame, Jon. So sorry to hear that. And I hope I didn’t come across like I was calling you out for leaving- sounds like you made the right call.
No, not at all, man. 🙂
Jon – thanks for sharing. I know what you mean about a desire for a solid youth group. I get the feeling sometimes that churches don’t really know what to do with kids today. They’ll teach the “lesson” but it falls on deaf ears.
Not that the kids want to purposefully ignore – but they are dealing with family issues, temptations (sex, pills, cutting), and so much more than I ever dealt with as a kid.
The church can’t fix everything (parents have to take the bulk of the responsibility) but the church does need to step up and deal with the kids where they are instead of sweeping it under the rug because it’s uncomfortable.
Completely agree with everything you said here. The church should definitely not take the role of the parents, and they can’t fix everything. Still, like you said, kids deal with a whole lot of things, and there should be an environment where feel comfortable enough to talk about things.
I do think many kids don’t like to talk about things in general, but it definitely doesn’t help, when the church preaches fire and brimstone so to speak.
Thanks for reading!
I felt that way about my youth group. I never felt like it made sense. You weren’t really a part of it unless you were in the youth choir. Thank goodness His grace will reach you after you get out of the youth.
I know what you mean, Larry. I never felt part of the church even though I grew up in it, and that’s a huge problem. Like you, I’m so thankful His grace goes far and wide.
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for your story Jon. I am really thankful that you were able to rise above your church experience and still seek Jesus. So many youth walk away from God after high school. Too many of my friends did.
I am a parent with two teens and it is really helpful to read your perspective.
Thanks again and keep seeking!
No problem…I’m more than happy to share. Yeah, I can say from firsthand experience, that I saw many walk away. It was sad, and that’s why I wanted to put this out there. I’m thankful that I rose above, too.
Thank you for reading.
Good for your you to be able to recognize enough of God’s truth to know you weren’t getting the whole package. I’m profoundly impressed at the wisdom you possess beyond your years. God bless Jon, keep running the good race our Father has set before you. I’m honored to be encouraged by the younger generation.
Wow..thank you for those kind words, Floyd. It’s all God…I’ve failed more times than I can count, but He keeps holding on.
Thank you for reading!
Hi Jon,
Wow! you do have wisdom for being only 22 years of age. I wish I had had better grounding at 22:)
You say here,
“I’m 22 years old, and I believe, one of the most fundamentally important things, about any church, is that there should be an environment that encourages future generations”.
How do we do this? You’re right in that this goal cannot be achieved solely through Sunday School lessons. I think when God is absent, people start making up their own god. This may be how we get into ‘no makeup’, ‘no tv’, etc.
When people have a good relationship with God it affects others. When we don’t have a proper relationship with God we seem to turn principles of faith into rules of do’s and don’ts.
Applying the Word to our own lives in how we are to live and conduct ourselves as people of God is fundamental. Our daily lives then become a living, vital reality in conjunction with our belief and faith in Jesus Christ.
So, I agree with what you say in essence, but I think we have to be careful about the church not becoming more psychological than spiritual.
I definitely can relate to what you are saying about your church experience however, I was a young parent and not a child or teen in the church.
So I think a proper relationship with Jesus Christ is what is needed in the church, and for some people they need to get saved. We come to hear but what we’re hearing doesn’t seem to impact our lives very much as Christians. Many christians are living like the world, they are more a part of the world than they are a part of God. This is a huge problem.
Hi Linda,
Thanks so much for the comment. I think one of the key things, is to be open. To not sweep things under the rug–I believe some things that can be done is to have a discussion. I, know for me, I would change how “Sunday School” looked like. Yes, it good to know about what the temple was made out of, but it’s a lot more important to apply the Word to our own lives. I would have classes or Bible studies that facilitated discussion and allowed people to freely talk about things, or have an environment that made them comfortable enough to express themselves.
I completely agree with you–it’s all about the relationship with Jesus Christ; that is the crux of the matter. Relationship stems from the top to the bottom. The sad thing is sometimes, those people in the higher up positions, think that they have a wonderful relationship with Christ, when they really don’t.
Thank you for reading and sharing!
Wow Jon, I am so inspired by you. You have a lot of wisdom for a young man of 22. Thank you for sharing your story, I am thankful you didn’t walk away from God because of your experience. Growing close in your college, that is awesome! I have a son living on campus at college, I know that is a struggle for him in the dorm environment. I hope God uses you to reach young people, you would be awesome at reaching young people. 🙂
Wow, Jan…those are very kind words. Thank you so much. It really is all God…not me. 🙂 Yeah, college living can be stressful, but I’m really happy for mine…I loved it for the most part. Hopefully, your son can have that same experience.
Again, thank you for reading!