Parenting

Written by cycleguy on February 13th, 2012

I PROMISE:

I will not give out advice for parenting teenagers.

I will not tell you how to raise your teenager or soon-to-be teen.

I will not tell you how sorry I am that you have a teen in your house at this moment (although I could).  :)

I will not whisper a sigh of relief or grunt a huge belly laugh that I am past that stage.

However, I will ask you to watch this video that has sort of gone viral the past week or so.  You have got to watch it to the end.   I have linked to the site I did because he bleeped out the curse words.   Phil also did a pretty good job of expressing his thoughts on it.  While I agree with what he said, I also have this sneaking suspicion the father did what he did because she was so public in her disrespect.  Does that make it right?  No.  Phil was correct in that it would have been better to have taken care of this privately.  Cheek for cheek is not the way Jesus would have done it.

But, at the same time, I can understand this father’s response.  As he stated, this teenager violated her father and step mother; her mother; and the “cleaning lady.”  (Hey, I bet Jo wouldn’t mind having someone clean our house, but I guarantee I wouldn’t call her “the cleaning lady.”  The one I have in mind just might slug me.  She’s also a sister in Christ and a member of the church)  ;)  In my mind, she forfeited her “right” to own and use a computer, etc.  For crying out loud, the girl is only 15!  To borrow her (edited) words, who in the blankety- blank-blank does she think she is?   I applaud the father for putting his foot down and being a father, not her friend.  There is too much of that going around anyway.

Well, I have said enough since the video is a long one.  Just remind me, though, not to get on the wrong side of that man.  :)  Any thoughts you care to share?  Were you offended by it?  Do you agree with the father’s approach (with or without the gun)?

P.S.  After reading some of the comments I feel I may have to clarify my thoughts.  I DO NOT condone what the father did.   Please note the dark line in my post.   He did miss a tremendous opportunity to teach his daughter right and wrong in a correct manner.  His use of a gun was for dramatic purposes (least I hope), and hopefully not his normal way of dealing with things.  I don’t even own a gun, so for me to condone that is a stretch (that is not an anti-gun statement either).   I am getting you to think though, and that is good.

 

42 Comments so far ↓

  1. Susan says:

    I watched that video last week (unedited version). The premise was right, but his carrying out revenge would, I believe, come under the title of provoking your child to anger. The father’s revenge may well only result in her upping the ante. She did NOT treat her father with respect. But, his response was not going to teach her how to respond respectfully. She may even respond outwardly, but she will not learn how to handle conflict in a mature manner from this experience.

  2. Jim F says:

    I have heard about the video but did not know the story behind it. I will just put it this way – He does know how to make a point and shoot a hollow point :)

  3. Craig says:

    i would have jumped and cheered had I not been at work. Would I go so far as to shoot a laptop? I don’t know.

    the thing about this video is that it rings true with the current generation. there is a sense of entitlement that just oozes out of kids today. I understand kids will have attitudes and make really stupid mistakes. We were ALL kids once. I get that.

    but I can’t stomach the entitlement. Kids think they deserve stuff just because they breath air. Most kids have no clue what work is. And they get upset if they have to do chores. Really?

    I think the dad in this video was spot on. The sad thing is that he’ll be attacked for violating his kid’s “rights” while no one says anything about her behavior at all.

    thanks for sharing Bill!

    • cycleguy says:

      Entitlement is certainly an issue these days…with kids and adults. Can anyone say welfare? Your view of the father is different than most. :) Thanks Craig.

  4. I watched it last week. The language didn’t bother me. But I don’t think Facebook or social media is a place to air dirty laundry. Even if the girl “had it coming” I still think stuff like that should be done behind closed doors. But that’s just my opinion.

    • cycleguy says:

      i would agree with you about the use of social media. That was my point in my post. I can see why he thought he was justified but… thanks Michael.

  5. I didn’t watch the video when it went viral just because I felt the dad missed a huge opportunity to teach his daughter a lesson in grace and forgiveness instead of “teaching her a lesson”. Removal of a computer/privilage is surely justified…destruction (and the manner used)…I don’t think so. Self-control is strength under control and I think he delievered a different message. Just my 2cents worth.

    • cycleguy says:

      I agree with you Jay. I saw the edited version first and when I first wrote this I used the youtube one. Wrong move so I linked to Phil’s post. It was better anyway since he said much of what you are saying here. I do not think he was wise in his way of dealing with it (the destruction). He did miss a good opportunity to teach his girl the facts of life. Thanks for your .02 worth. :)

    • Susan says:

      Well said, Jay. I agree.

  6. Arny says:

    personally, I think it would have had a much stronger effect if he would have taken a baseball bat to the computer…(office space anyone?)

    it’s what I would have done…

    and yes i would have done it privatly…but blogged about it! lol…

  7. Eileen says:

    I was angry when I first saw the video. I TOTALLY agree with disciplining your child. And my child is not yet a teen so I know that I have yet to know how challenging it will be. However, I feel as if the father sunk to her level by doing this in public. He’s the adult and should have done it in private. If he still wanted to destroy the laptop…go for it! But, telling the whole world how disappointed he is in his daughter seems cruel to me. Words like that stay with you.

    • cycleguy says:

      I wasn’t angry. i was stunned. I had no clue what he would do until he pulled out the gun. You are right though: he did sink to her level. Gotta wonder if he did it for effect or because he knew something like this would go viral. Thanks Eileen.

  8. I watched this with my wife a couple days ago. While we did chuckle a bit and there was a side of both of us that sort of said “you go!”, etc., I wonder about the long term affects. I can’t imagine that him having a knee jerk reaction like this has brought them closer together, or, I would beg to posit, that it has even taught her anything other than that her dad is very stern and will punish her with an iron fist if she ever messes up. Don’t get me wrong, she definitely deserved some sever discipline, but the public approach that he took crossed the line without a doubt.

    • cycleguy says:

      Long term affects is a good way to look at it Stephen. What did he teach her? No doubt in my mind, that while I chuckled at his exploit, I also believe he crossed a line.

  9. Tom says:

    Well, I appreciate the entertainment value of the father doing what he “feels like”doing. Many of us have had our own visions. Unfortunately, I am sure this public outcry is only a sampling of many unhealthy private conversations. Yes there was a missed opportunity but also there is a wake up call to go back and discuss love and how it transcends “feelings”. Thanks Bill

  10. Someone at work showed me this last week. I don’t condone the way he handled the situation, however, I do applaud him taking a stand and disciplining his child. And the geek in me would have never allow me to shoot a computer.

    • cycleguy says:

      We agree on the whole premise Sele. Don’t condone but applaud taking a stand. As for me…I am not a geek. Trust me when I say there have been times I have wanted to throw the computer. But shoot it? No gun, no shoot. :) Thanks.

  11. Jeff says:

    I agree with the general consensus. The father definately showed a lack of maturity in destoying the laptop. Teenagers have been commiserating with their friends about the many things their parents don’t get since the beginning of time. I don’t think it is a “this generation” thing. Hopefully she learned not to put something on the internet she doesn’t want everyone to see. Many adults have made the same mistake. I am not sure the dad’s reaction would have increased my level of respect.You disobey you get punished. Makes sense.

    • cycleguy says:

      You are right jeff. Regrets of something going viral is for people of all ages. I don’t believe there was an increase of respect either. Thanks.

  12. My oldest is 3, so I can only speculate how I would act. When I saw it, I was just amazed that the dude would destroy the laptop. At least sell it or give it to a family in need. I guess I was more struck by the wastefulness of the punishment. I’m amazed at how this video is everywhere now. I bet the father regrets the attention.

  13. Susan says:

    I had another thought – I can’t imagine this girl got the way she is from one day to the next. I wonder how her parents have been dealing with her all along.

    • cycleguy says:

      Bingo! How long has this disrespect been going on? What did the divorce and remarriage have to do with it? Maybe she lost her respect long time ago. Maybe she is reaching out for help. Good point Susan.

  14. floyd says:

    Interesting how all of us express our emotions. The dad was obviously hurt and felt betrayed. His actions will most likely only raise the emotions in his daughter. Her reaction to disappointment in life as a parent will probably be with similar actions learned as a kid.

    I can’t say I’ve been perfect in this area. When our oldest was little she loved squirting people with her squirt gun. After warning her not to squirt me anymore, after several failed pleas, I said, “If you squirt me with that one more time, I’m gonna break it”! She did it… I broke it… I still hear the story…

    We all make mistakes. I remember the most effective tool my dad had on me as a kid wasn’t his belt… It was his wisdom…

    • cycleguy says:

      I think you bring up a good point Floyd. Chances are real good she will deal with things as she has been taught. Smart man that father of yours. Thanks.

  15. Jan says:

    I saw this video when a friend of mine posted it on facebook & I admit, I laughed out loud and thought, YES! You go dad. I wouldn’t have handled it that way, but I don’t know their family circumstances, I don’t know what kind of issues they’ve had dealing with their 15 yr. old daughter, so I can’t speculate on why he chose to do it that way, to me, that would be judging him, I don’t walk in his shoes & having gone through 5 teenagers of my own, I can’t honestly say I wouldn’t have done something this exteme(not with a gun, I don’t have one)

    And Craig, you said it all! I am in the midst of dealing with one of those entitlement generation kids, he is 20 and we are in a constant battle about how I should be paying this & that because I’m his parent & he deserves it. It absolutely astounds me the attitude of his generation & mostly that he’s my son & he actually thinks this way, because I know I didn’t raise him that way, he’s the youngest of 5 and none of my other 4 children have that entitlement attitude.

    I just pray everyday that God works in his heart &in the hearts of this generation of entitlement….lots of them need Jesus.

    This is just my humble opinion.

    • cycleguy says:

      Makes you wonder if he handled it this way because he had reached the end of his rope. I wouldn’t have but, as you state, I am not in his shoes. Sorry to hear about the entitlement issue (Caleb?) Man, I can’t keep the younger two straight. :) Keep praying Jan. That is the best thing. Thanks for your humble opinion. ;)

    • Susan says:

      My heart goes out to you, Jan. It isn’t just this generation, though it is probably more widespread than it has been in the past in our country. History shows us that when the majority of the population are into that entitlement attitude, that civilization is about to crash.

      I will put you on my prayer list. I know it is not easy dealing with that. May the Lord give you wisdom, and peace of mind. <3

  16. Ed says:

    A couple of things ran through my mind with this one. First, I applaud the man’s follow through to take charge. So many children these days are doing just what his daughter did…totally disrespecting their elders and taking things for granted. My oldest niece has been highly disrespectful of her grandmother the past couple of months, and I highly suspect it’s the laptop’s fault. Still, there have been times when I have wanted to take a bat to the laptop myself.

    I don’t like the man’s use of a gun though, but in all fairness I believe that must have been an old laptop for demostration purposes only.

  17. Jan says:

    haha, that’s ok Bill. My grandpa used to just use their birth numbers when he wanted them, he’d call them by #1, 2, 3,4 & 5! Yes, it’s Caleb and I have been praying continually, this is definitely an issue that I’m unfamiliar with & is a very frustrating issue…entitlement.

    • cycleguy says:

      I never had trouble with the older 3. It was always the younger two that I had trouble with. Getting worse now. LOL Thanks jan. You have my prayers.

  18. Tami Grandi says:

    There was actually a response by the parent recently (and the daughter had a few things to say also)

    http://www.litefm.com/pages/news-story.html?feed=421220&article=9744152#.TzcVPrlqNKw.facebook

  19. Jon says:

    I saw this the other day, and I’m not going to lie…I did chuckle a bit. But, like others, I think it should have remained a private matter.

  20. Zee says:

    Saw that video too… All I can say is – it’s sad.

    There’s a Russian version of Facebook (basically what the guy did was copy and tweak FB) called VKontakte (Russian for “In Contact”)… I got an account there because there are a few friends (well… somewhere between friends and acquaintances – former classmates) who don’t want to be on FB and I don’t want to completely lose contact with them (even though we don’t speak often)… Anyway, my point is that one of the reasons I prefer FB is that the content is better… VK is full of teens whose only thought in mind is how to get a guy / girl, it seems like… Emo-kids, wanna-be-goths… Bleah. It makes me sad when I see the degradation… It also makes me feel old because every time I see an emo update I am tempted to say “When *I* was their age…” and then I stop realizing that I was in their age not so long ago – yet so many things have changed!!!

    I didn’t like what the dad did – I think it was too harsh (at the very least, using guns to teach your kids? Uh, don’t think that’s such a good idea) and it was a dumb waste of money – she will need a laptop later and maybe he will make her pay for the new laptop out of her own pocket, but still… He could’ve taken the laptop and hid it or something. Or formatted the drive and didn’t install the system on it. *Shrug*

    • cycleguy says:

      Didn’t know there was a Russian version of FB but reckon I shouldn’t be surprised. It breaks my heart to hear of any type of degradation. Jury is still out on the fallout of his actions. :) Thanks lil sis for the comment.