HONEST CONFESSION TIME: I hate confrontation.
I fit right in with George McFly who tells Marty, “I know. I know what you are thinking son, and you’re right! But Biff just happens to be my boss and I guess I’m not very good at confrontation (as he flexes his hand).” And unless I miss my guess there aren’t a whole of people who really like to do it. There will be the occasional brave person who relishes confronting others, but for the most part we don’t like to do it…unless it is the last resort (and even then we procrastinate).
I read a funny illustration in preparation for this week’s message. Sven and Hulda, a Scandinavian couple, were Christians. They sang in the choir, they were at Sunday School every Sunday, they had prayer at every meal, they went to all the church functions. But they could not get along. At home, it was terrible: bickering, complaining, fussing. After both of them had devotions one morning, separately, of course, Hulda said to Sven, “You know, Sven, I been tinking. I got de answer to dis hopeless problem we’re livin wit. I tink ve should pray for de Lord to take vun of us home to be with Him. And then Sven, I could go live wit my sister.” Yeah, I laughed hard. Doesn’t take much you know? 😛
Sure is a strange way of confronting a problem don’t you think? Even when confrontation needs to take place there is a right way and a wrong way, a right time and wrong time to do so. Love finds no joy in sin. Love doesn’t pander in wrong things. But there are some interesting thoughts I will be covering this week:
LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS
LOVE BELIEVES ALL THINGS
LOVE HOPES ALL THINGS
LOVE ENDURES ALL THINGS
Oh yeah…one more…
LOVE NEVER ENDS.
When we love someone, we take the entire package. No picking and choosing. No large helping of what we like and skimping or passing over that which we don’t. Knowing what to allow and when to confront is the tricky part in all of this.
What are your thoughts on this? Are you a confronter? Do you wait until the last possible moment to do so? How do you take confrontation when it is directed toward you?
Thanks to Dan for the banner. Thanks to you for your prayers. We continue meeting at the SDA church while the renovation continues. Monday the contractor begins. YEAH!!!!
Here is a powerful thought in this vain. You can avoid confrontation in the short term. Avoid those tough discussions and maintain a bit of peace for a while. But why we are avoiding and feeling good that we have side-stepped an argument or some uncomfortable words, sometimes people can drift away from us so far that we can never get them back. I say these words as someone who learned that lesson the hard way. Dang.
That is a powerful thought and a powerful lesson Daniel. Sometimes meeting the issue early on is the best thing. Thanks.
Confrontations:
I don’t take them too well when they are aimed at me But I can dish it out back wth the best of them. Some thing that happened recently with so called undercover Cops who haven’t been to agressive lately with drug dealers in our community.
It seems to be easier to give than to take for many.
I don’t look forward to it, but I also don’t mind doing it when it is necessary. It rarely ends badly, if you approach it the right way.
Approaching the right way is the essential thing Larry. You put it right.
Confrontation is usually seen as a negative situation. It can be a positive situation as well if it just a discourse on differing ideas or points of view. I tend to like the positive type but do not hesitate to engage in the negative type if my rights are being compromised or if I am being falsely accused of something.
I think confronting a situation early is usually better than letting it simmer and eventually boil over.It should be done in a calm, cool and civil manner and never when angry or otherwise not in control of your emotions.
You are right Jeff. It can be a positive, but like you state, there are those times that negative ones have to happen. The manner in which it is done also is huge. Thanks.
I am not much of a confonter but I do like communication. I guess there’s a difference. I think if there’s good communication then maybe the need to confront is less?? I don’t know. Maybe it just depends on the circumstances. Good thoughts, Bill
Thanks Eileen for your thought/question. No doubt communication is essential.
Hi Bill,
Maybe confrontation is like using discipline with a child or teenager. You pick your battles carefully.
I think a person may also need discernment about what is really going on. Wisdom from God. This doesn’t mean do nothing, but tread lightly until you get a better sense.
I also think there are times when confrontation is absolutely necessary. The police do it every day in some way or another.
We see examples of confrontation in the Bible. Paul confronted others about their gods. He was not well received. Many times wicked people tried to kill him.
And there is no doubt that people are becoming more and more wicked in our present culture in the USA and Canada. I watched part of a tv show last night called ‘Missing”. There were a whole lot of moral contradictions in this final show of the season. We are being manipulated and confused more and more by media.
This weakens people’s understanding of right and wrong. This show last night was teaching that morality is the moral standards that you have for yourself and that eveybody’s morality can be individual and different.
If we ever needed the Scriptures as believers it is now. Otherwise, we are going to be pulled along with the tide of public opinion.
I think what you say is right Linda. Choose the battles wisely. No doubt discernment is needs as well.
I agree completely with what you wrote. We were foreign missionaries till Sept 2011 and coming home has always been a shock…the church is waxing cold…we are shocked at how fast things have went down hill. Praying to be a wise hearted women in this day and age.
And he also says: “I just don’t think I could take that kind of rejection”! Quoting one of my fav movies! 🙂 I don’t like confrontation, if it’s an angry confrontation I shake a lot….and I don’t like being rejected, I’m sort of in a current confrontation, but it’s a situation where I’m trying to help a good friend, she is always negative, thinks her life is over, her boyfriend won’t take her back because she’s been “human” and made mistakes, nothing unforgivable, which I keep telling her that pure love is unforgiving & not holding things over our heads, I have been confronting her about attending a church & putting her hopes in God & not a person, which, she is rejecting. I will just continue to pray for her. Overall though, no, I am not a confrontational person, I try to avoid it at all costs & if confronted I try to keep my emotions in check. 🙂
I know that quote is also in there when he talks to Marty about Loraine turning him down for the dance. 🙂 Sometimes Jan, loving confrontation is necessary to save someone from themselves. sounds like what you are doing. Keep loving.
I think a lot of people don’t like confrontations but at times it needs to be done.
I think when we confront someone it needs to be specific to the issue at hand and not the person. We should be confronting the action/attitude of the person and not the person themselves. Showing the person we care and love them but do not agree with the issue.
Great post.
That is a great point Dan! confronting the action/attitude not the person. Thanks.
YES!!! That is perfect for what I’m going through with my friend. Thanks Dan!
Great thought to keep in mind as we confront or when someone confront us.
I have discovered that I HATE confrontation. This actually surprised me, because I had previously thought of myself as a “take no bull malarkey” kind of person. Turns out, I’ve grown to be a bit more passive-aggressive than I would like to admit. This is not loving. It’s too focused on self. I’m trying to do better, with God’s help.
i don’t think anyone should LOVE confrontation. If done it should be done with fear and trepidation and tons of prayers and humility.
Keep preaching Dan, we so need these things in our life as we confront a sin sick world daily.