Words

Written by cycleguy on July 11th, 2012

“Hey You!  Yeah you!”

DUMBO

FATSO

DORK

LOSER

BIG UGLY

SKINNY

STUPID

MANY TOO VULGAR TO BE MENTIONED HERE

Some have been used on us.  Some have been used by us on others.   The really ugly part (besides what they do to others) is there are tons of others-some as devastating, some not so but lingering.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.”  What kind of stupid talk is that?  Everyone knows it is not true.  I would have traded any kind of hit to not  be called names.   We had another stupid line we used to say: “Everything you say to me bounces  back to you.”  But in reality, being called stupid (or whatever) doesn’t jump back to them.  It sticks with us.

PEOPLE. CAN. BE. SO. MEAN.

There is a bumper sticker that moves along those same lines but since I don’t like that word I won’t use it.  But you get the point.  Words have two basic ends: they can either help or hinder.  They can either build up or blow down.  They can pick up or pick apart.  I am unable at this point to even think where words can be neutral and not have any effect on another person.   Here is what Bob Goff says in Love Does:

I used to think the words spoken about us describe who we are, but now I know they shape who we are. 

Whoa!!  Back the truck up!  Did he just say what I thought he said?  Yessirree Bob (no pun intended).   That is some powerful truth.  If you don’t think so, then think back to words said to you. Or about you.  Do they really describe you?  Is that who you really are?  You may have been wounded by them (hence they shape us), but in God’s eyes you are not those negative words.  Words have power.  If you don’t believe that, start thinking back over your life.  Did you perform better or feel better when you heard words of encouragement or when you heard words of degradation?  Here are a few words of wisdom:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”  Pr.18:21

“Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”  Pr.13:3

“The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but the perverse tongue will be cut off.”  Pr.10:21

“Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.”  Pr.11:12

That’s enough.  Point made.  I like the way Bob ends his thoughts: “The words people say to us not only have shelf life but have the ability to shape life.”  So what kind of words are you saying to others?  Any thoughts?

 

 

24 Comments so far ↓

  1. Bill, I still remebet two other boys making fun of me in third grade. I guess I should have toughened up, right? And think about what people do to their own kids…..sheesh.

  2. Daniel says:

    I have learned in the last few years to say positive things about others that come to my mind instead of letting them dissolve into the ether. I have written about some of these moments in the past few months. I hope that I can build on this so that it doesn’t seem so foreign to me when it comes up. For example, Bill I appreciate you, your blog, and the fact that we have gotten to know each other a bit this year. Blessings.

    • cycleguy says:

      Saying positive things NOW is so important. I have tried to practice that when saying, “I will pray for you.” I make every attempt to pray for them at that point. Thanks for your kind words Daniel. I feel the same and look forward to getting to “know” you even more.

  3. Susan says:

    I was going into second grade the year my dad left his second church in Colorado. I can recall numerous words and actions that beat me down. Kids can be so mean. I was called “retard.” The kids made fun of my shoes. (My grandmother bought my school shoes for many a year, and she bought no-nonsense tie-up ox-blood colored oxfords.The other girls had sneakers or velveteen Mary Janes.) One day, two older girls on the safety patrol forced me to go into the girls room and clean some poop someone got on the toilet seat. And that was just second grade.I faced that stuff all the way through high school. I tend to be kinda nerdie/geeky and that let me in for all sorts of verbal hits. At a Christian summer camp, I was again the target of ridicule because my clothes didn’t make the cut. It didn’t help that my dad and mom had a long list of things I was not permitted to do for religious reasons. My heart was shredded way too many times.

    Now I have developed a spinal stenosis, due to osteoarthritis and osteoporosis. My left rib cage bulges out in my back. People who see it get kind of freaked out.

    At the end of the day, all of these things have shaped me. Good came of it, though. I have a small handful of genuine friends who love me because of who I am, and who wouldn’t exchange their friendship with me to be friends with the Queen of England. Abba has used them to give me compassion to minister to the “outcasts” that He brings into my life.

    • cycleguy says:

      Oh man that hurts just reading it Susan. That certainly was bullying before bullying became all the “rage.” Like you said though, these things shaped you. they shape us.

  4. Craig says:

    The tongue is like the rudder of a ship – so small but so powerful. Great thoughts today Bill! A reminder for me to filter out the words I want to say but don’t – I may not say them but I think them – therefore the issue is still in my heart!

  5. I learned loooong ago that a father’s words can shape a child for better or worse. Thankfully, Father God spoke healing life words to me and I recieved the promise of those words. This lesson has helped me with my own children and the words I speak to them…I what them to be like the Father’s words…full of kindness and love.

    • cycleguy says:

      Harsh words from the Father seems out of sorts for sure. Loving words is what He gives. I like that you state it has helped you with your own children.

  6. Stephen says:

    Potent thoughts. And I love that you quoted Bob Goff- that guy is great! I need to read this book.
    Anyways, I like this post- and would completely attest to this truth. What is tragic is when I/we start believing the mistruths, and living based on who others have falsely said we are.

    • cycleguy says:

      I have been doing a series of posts on his book so I think it shows how I feel about his book. 🙂 Tragically, people are believing the mistruths. Thanks Stephen.

  7. Bill, being raised in an Indian Reservation taught me how important words are and how they reflect who you really are. Being on the receiving end of harsh words when we did go to town showed me just how ignorant people can be.

    Grandfather always talked about how our words, acts and deeds define us to others as well as shape our lives for the future.
    Because of that I have learned that a sharp tongue cuts both directions. It is valuable information to keep inside your heart. A soft word turns away wrath.

    Walk daily with God at your side!

    Your friend,

    Ed.

  8. lindaM says:

    Hi Bill,
    Anyone who deliberately speaks unprovoked mean and bullying words towards others has heart issues. We see what is happening to the kids in our western culture because bullying is an epidemic in the schools and kid’s online accounts. And it doesn’t end there. Adults are into bullying too.

    Our society in the west is in huge problems and it’s only going to get worse. Believers have to be taught and exhorted to live godly lives. This can only happen when they are in Christ. This is the job of the church.

    The church’s job is not to increase it’s members, it’s to equip the members it already has.

    There’s teaching and preaching through the power of the Holy Spirit. There’s prophets and apostles, evangelists, etc that have to be encouraged to develop these giftings that God has given them. As these gifts function this will build up and mature the body of Christ. It’s an act of God’s grace being poured out in the life of the believers.

    We have to understand that if we persist in man’s methods and ways in the church the believers will not mature spiritually.

    I’m a bit off topic but I think it flows from the topic that you posted today. I hope so anyway.

    • cycleguy says:

      I totally agree with your first paragraph Linda. Bullying is done by all ages (see Susan’s comment) and should be stopped. A tad bit off topic but that’s okay. 🙂 i do agree.

  9. floyd says:

    Being the youngest of four, all I had as an equalizer was my tongue, and it sharped up very quick. I was a kid with a speech impediment to boot which made my need for a defense even that much more desired.

    I now keep my mouth shut, even during emotional times. While there is forgiveness, words spoke in anger can last a lifetime.

    I try to use my tongue now to encourage, to use it the way God intended it. It is a powerful weapon just like the Bible says, we just have to make a choice how and why we use that mighty tool.

    • cycleguy says:

      I know someone who used his tongue to “defend” himself early on since he had to use crutches due to a hip disease. He still uses it from time to time. I was real bad about that but hopefully have mellowed as I have gotten older. I have even learned to keep my mouth shut (no small task). I think it would be interesting to sit and talk with you.

  10. Desert Jim says:

    My nickname in jr. high was “Chubs”. I know it bothered me but I rolled with it – could have been worse. Then in high school did my share of being a jerk to others. How’s that for lesson learned?

    The world will always be ugly, mean and nasty and unfortunately the church can participate right along with it.

    But God’s words are what matters. Psalm 139, Romans 8 speaks about what God thinks about us. If God is for us, who is against us?…

    Consider the source of where the words come from. God’s words are what I want to shape me.

    Good post Bill! Hope all is well. I’m praying for you and your church.

    • cycleguy says:

      You bring up a good point Jim: one would think we might learn out lesson. Those Scriptures are super! thanks for bringing them to light. doing well my friend. Good to hear from you. thanks for your prayers.

  11. Zee says:

    When I get frustrated or angry, I tend to get very very quiet – lest I say something that I would regret down the road. But staying quiet is not the toughest. The real struggle is trying not to *think* those hurtful words as well. And I often lose that battle.

    Words have power. Felt that today especially after my employee evaluation. Nothing bad was said per se… But the underlying message felt as if I was taken apart bit by bit. *Shaking my head* Is it possible to truly learn not to care what people say about you?

  12. It’s funny how we used to say the “sticks and stones” mantra as kids, but we were using words to defend us. If they aren’t powerful then why would we do that? Such a great point. We all need these reminders because we can play so much off as “just joking” or sarcasm and we are leaving gaping holes. The fruit of the Spirit is self-control. We have access to it and we need to exercise it! Thanks Bill.

  13. Jan says:

    Uhhh, are you hiding in our house? I had myself a little hissy fit last night,saying things I shouldn’t have said, then read my daily scripture: Proverbs 18:20-21 “Words satisfy the soul as food satisfies the stomach; the right words on a person’s lips bring satisfaction. Those who love to talk will experience the consequences, for the tongue can kill or nourish life.” SLAP! Then I saw the title of your post this morning, as I gulped & started reading……words definitely do shape us, no matter what our age. I definitely know this. I spent a lot of time in prayer repenting. I really do try to say encouraging words to people, sometimes that ugly person raises up & gets the better of me. Very, very good post Bill! Thanks for the reminder. 🙂

  14. Tom says:

    In most situations and with most people I am careful of my words. However I have many regrets of words I have said to those closest to me…they have life long shelf lives!