NEVER LET ‘EM SEE YOU SWEAT!
I am not sure where that came from. I want to think some deodorant commercial, but I can be wrong. 
You are probably thinking, “What a way to start a blog post!” And I suppose you may be right, but there really is a method to my madness.
LET. ME. TELL. YOU. A. STORY.
I am probably close to twice as old as many of you are. For your information that number is considered on the downside of life’s good things. For you who are really curious, I am 59 and won’t be 60 until October 9th. (Write that down. Money “for retirement” is accepted). So for all you who are mathematically-challenged (as I am) that means if you are 30 or under, I am twice as old as you. My closest competitor is Ed, who is actually older than me. I’ve also just been told that this man is close to my age. Since I am twice as old as many of you, that should translate into being twice as wise. Dreams and illusions never stop.
Okay, seriously, enough of that nonsense. Why do I say that? Are you ready? I was raised in a church and ultimately a leader environment in which the first phrase I used could have been applied. Let me translate it another way:
DON’T BE REAL. COVER UP. DON’T SHOW WEAKNESSES. PUT ON A FRONT THAT ALL IS WELL. NEVER CRY. TRY NOT TO SHOW EMOTION.
Sounds sort of sick don’t you think? Do you know how hard it was to maintain a facade? I remember going to the hospital once in just a pull-over collared shirt. I identified myself as a pastor and overheard one of the ladies say to the other, “Boy, they sure don’t dress like they used to.” That was back in the late 70s! I wonder what those ladies would be thinking now. But in reality, dress is minor. What I really like about this current generation is the emphasis they place on being real. I realize that approach is fraught with danger and I have seen it. But there is tremendous value in being authentic. Bob Goff says it well:
I used to be afraid that if I was authentic I might take a hit, but now I know that being real means I will take a hit.
The sad fact is there will always be people who try to fit us into their mold. Pastors. Educators. Engineers. You name it. Society, while not saying so, is big on puppeteering. Frankly, these days (and those I have remaining), I refuse to be a puppet conform to someone’s standard of what I should be, look, or act like. I figure Jesus has first dibs on my life. The Bible says “don’t be conformed, but be transformed.” I like that a whole lot better.
Do you have trouble being a puppet? Do you find yourself sort of expected to be one? What is your reaction to being one?
This is another post in the series on Love Does by Bob Goff.
You’ve got a couple of years on me, but you haven’t doubled me by far. This was one of my favorite sections of the book. I don’t like thinking of myself as someone’s puppet either, but I think from time to time we are all guilty of trying to fit into the mold that is the expectations of those around us.
My apologies Sele. i can go back and change it if you like.
I believe you are right in stating that we are all guilty from time to time of trying to fit into a mold. P.S. Change made. 
lol, didn’t mean to make you change your post, I was just picking on ya, but us old guys gotta stick together.
Old? Who you calling old?
I almost bought this book this past weekend. Probably should have. You’re old enough to be my uncle, but not my dad. I don’t think this idea was limited to the church. My dad raised me to put on this same facade. And I remember when pastors wore suits everyday. I thought they even wore them to bed.
Thanks for those “kind” words Larry.
I never remember seeing my dad cry until he had suffered a heart attack. I was 23. I never wore suits except on Sunday and then it was a tie with a sport coat. Never to bed though. LOL
You really should get the book Larry, I bought it for my kindle and then went back and got the audiobook so I could listen to it on my way to and from work.
Agreed.
I am not sure you really mean you refuse to conform to what someone’s standard of what you need to be or how you need to dress ar act. Places that I have worked do require conformity in dress and have rules on interacting with other employees, customers, suppliers, etc. You either conform or get fired.
Religions, it seems, are the most willing to demand conformity. Not just in dress and in how we act but even more egregiously in what we think or believe.
I think every good parent demands and rightfully so that their children follow certain standards.
Once a person passes the age of reason, then each can formulate their own opinions, style etc.
We are who we are. No facade will change that.
The prisons are filled with inmates that refuse to conform to societies rules.
To be a part of something we must be willing to fit in and follow the expectations of the group whether the group is a family, a business, a church, a baseball team or whatever.
To refuse to conform to certain expectations is to be a misfit with little hope of having relationships or accomplishing goals. Unless the goal is to be a misfit.
I totally understand what you are saying Jeff. I do not have a dress code here. I was expected at one church to wear a tie and jacket all the time. I did because I knew that before I went. At one church I was expected to wear at least a tie when I preached. I did. I have gone back to that church and the code has been relaxed. So, in some cases, conformity is expected. I am speaking more, as you mention, of a “religion” that demands conformity to dress or in what and how I think. That appalls me. If I was the pastor of a church that all wore ties and I was expected to do so, then I would. It would kill me but I would!
I hope this helps.
I understand wanting to look nice and presentable and respectable. But I can’t imagine that Jesus is going to worry about the shirt I wear to church. Tshirt? sweatshirt? shirt & tie? does it really matter?
I too have been in churches that worried about the facade instead of being real. It is exhausting. Sure it is vulnerable being real, but it is a load off my back. I still get sucked into worrying about what others think but I’m getting better at it
I also have difficulty w/ believing Jesus cares what we wear. It is exhausting pretending, to worry constantly about what people see or perceive. Glad you are growing Craig.
I used to hide the fact that I served in Vietnam, mainly because of the treatment we received on coming home and some because it was so unpopular. It took me years to realize I can’t hide who I am and turned to being open and honest all about me.
You are right, dreams and illusions never stop, and I might add you can’t put up a facade forever. Be true to yourself and to God, all else will be taken care of by Him.
Oh, before I forget, 69 isn’t so bad!
Walk daily with God at your side!
Ed
Sadly, one of the black marks against our country would be that time when you and other vets returned from Nam. So glad to hear that 69 ain’t bad.
Bill, that was an excellent post. God wants us to be who He created us to be. Of course there’s maturity, growth and refinement on the journey with Him…but no puppet course.
Thanks Jay. Totally agree about the course He has put us on.
So true. People try to judge the world with their senses instead of sense…
If I’ve done anything along the way, I’ve managed to not fall into anyone’s category. I may have done this to a fault, but it is definitely one of my pet peeves.
Being real on the outside is a lot easier than being real on the inside.
Man, Floyd, you nailed it with that last sentence.
I don’t want to be conformed either…
growing up and teaching sunday bible class to my peers of teenagers…i was expected to “act” a certain way…you know…that sorta thing…
I also grew up playing in the worship band…and we always got the “watchout howa live in public” speech…
so obviously i liked some music or movies that i was not supposed to like! Blashphamy!!!!! lol…
but now…i don’t care any more…i gotta be me.
i don’t know if all this makes sense in light of what you were talking about but…i just threw it out there!
Makes sense to me Arny. You were being asked to conform to someone’s ideal of “perfect.” I prefer to conform to Jesus’ ideal. Like you want to.
I have never been anyone’s puppet for better or worse. I say that because I am the one me that I am whether I am tolerated or shunned. The good thing is that I have never felt the sway of peer pressure, even when I was younger.
That is cool Daniel. Can you share your secret for not feeling the sway of peer pressure?
I don’t want to conform. I know what you mean about pastors. Everything from hymnals to using a real pulpit. I think it gets easier after a while though.
Choose the battles wisely and often in time they settle themselves. But there are some things that don’t matter (you mentioned two of them). Praying for your continued leadership there Michael.
Hi Bill,
I’m thinking about Jesus this morning after reading this post on being a puppet.
Jesus was radical against religion in his own day but only because he was doing what was right and good. Religion had become so sidetracked and away from righteousness that anyone who loved his neighbor as himself was considered ‘radical’.
William Wilberforce was considered ‘radical’ while he was trying to abolish the slave trade through the English parliament. Instead, he worked many years as a government member to do the right and decent thing.
We live in a wicked world and we will be considered ‘radical’ if we do the right thing. We’re not trying to oppose order, we are trying to implement proper order as Christians. We’re trying to do what is right.
As we see in the various Bible accounts in the NT, the disciples of Jesus Christ faced ‘adventure’ when they were forced out of Jerusalem because of the severe persecution of the ‘wicked religious’.
There’s a cost to being His disciple. There’s no way around this cost in a wicked world. We have to count the cost and be willing to pay it. The cost of righteousness. Of being good, honest and fair people. The world hates us because of this.
Our adventure really begins in earnest in eternity. If eternal life is not an adventure I don’t know what will be!
You are right: it does cost.
Hi Bill,
This perhaps moves a bit away from your puppet theme, but any Christian who thinks that they can avoid the difficulties of being godly in this world and still have a place in eternity with God may have another ‘think’ coming as the saying goes.
Jesus says if we are not with him we are against him. Jesus got rid of alot of his followers who were riding the fence when he said to them ‘you must eat my flesh and drink my blood’. Many turned away. Jesus didn’t coddle them. He laid it out for them. They refused him. At least at that time. Perhaps some repented and returned to Christ later.
The church today is playing the puppeteer. “You can have it all’. This world and the world to come’. Churches do this to maintain and gain more members.
Sadly many churches are playing into the hands of the master trickster. The whole health/wealth garbage is proof of that.
You have a couple years on me, this is true.
I definitely believe that quote is true, but the alternative seems unthinkable to me now that I’ve experienced (at least in part) who He created me to be. It makes you hungry for more and you realize that pretending and hiding doesn’t get you there. It’s like eating a gourmet meal that blows your mind and then going back the next day to a bologna sandwich. You just can’t take it anymore! Thanks Bill.
You are so right Jason. To think of the alternative once you experience the reality is mind-boggling. Why settle for 2nd place?
Being someone else’s puppet is not fun. It was easy for me to be one because I am a natural people pleaser. Through this transformation process that God is taking me on, I am learning that being real is who He wants me to be, that includes my faults & all…the only puppet I want to be is for God, He can use me, shape me, take me wherever He wants & I look forward to the journey. Thank God for the holy spirit, I don’t feel like I have to follow the crowd because it’s the thing to do.
On a side note, Edwin, I am sorry that you vietnam veterans were treated so poorly, this is something I’ve tried to research & understand, having had an Uncle who was served there, he was never the same when he returned & I could never make sense out of why you all were mistreated. Shameful. Whether I agreed with war or not, I cannot fathom being mean to those who were sent there fighting for our freedom. Bless you Edwin.
Natural people pleasers do have that problem Jan. Glad you are moving away from that.
Thanks for the note to Edwin.
I used to be a puppeteer…one reason I am thankful for my addictions as they broke all of that down. Now the freedom of honesty and total reliance on God makes puppeteering seem so foolish and robbing us of our gifts! Blessings and great challenge!
Breaking free from addictions has to mean breaking free from being a puppet to someone else. Thanks Tom.
You’re on a roll, Bill. Keep ‘em coming.
Thanks Susan. I’ll try.