Someone once said,
We are most like beasts when we kill. We are most like men when we judge. We are most like God when we forgive.
Archibald Hart, a Christian counselor says,
Forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me.
Talking about David over the past couple of months has led to several posts and sermons on forgiveness. So it is not my intention to beat a dead horse. I don’t think I am singing a new song when I say that talking about forgiveness is a touchy subject. Many would prefer to hold a grudge than to forgive. I am certainly no expert in this, since I am not a trained counselor. I can only speak from almost 40 years experience as a pastor and an observer of people. I can say with all that is in me: people seem to prefer- no matter how much it hurts them- to carry grudges and the desire for revenge, sometimes to their grave. One of the greatest blessings a person can do is forgive, but I am not naive enough to think it is an easy thing to do.
Some people have the ability to do that easier than others. Depends on personality. Depends on the offense. Depends, for many, on the strength of their relationship to Jesus. I don’t say this to brag so I hope you don’t take it that way, but God has blessed me with the ability to forgive fairly easily. Granted, it may take a little time as I work through my thoughts, burn down a house, spread rumors, etc (I jest, I jest), but I realize it is not healthy to maintain the grudge. I have literally seen people eaten alive by the failure to forgive and I just don’t want to be in those shoes.
Have you ever heard of Shimei? No? Check him out here. He was just a spittin’ and a fumin’ over David’s rule. He threw stones. Kicked up some dust. Taunted. Maybe even said a few choice words. 
David chose not to lash out. But when David returns to Jerusalem to resume his reign, Shimei sure sang a different tune. David forgave him and let him live. Say what? Yep, he let him live. Good thing too. David could have made short work of Shimei and his cohorts quickly.
Showing mercy was a sign of strength. Not a sign of weakness like so many think today. Being the “bigger man” is a good idea. I would be remiss to leave out one vital end part. David is giving his last minute talk to Solomon when he says this. Honestly? I don’t know what to make of that. It is sad to think of the singer of Israel approaching his final days with revenge on his lips.
What are your thoughts about this? I sure am open to hearing your thoughts. Do you forgive easily or tend to hold grudges?
I have forgiven those who have hurt me the most. It was not immediate and it was not easy. It did not help my hurt to disappear or sweep the memories away or change my circumstances. But, I did it and I am better for it.
I think you are on the right path Daniel. And no, it doesn’t erase the hurt, or the memories, or the circumstances. But it is true you are better for it.
It is difficult for me to not carry a grudge. I fight it and fight it.
Keep fighting Larry. Don’t give up that foothold.
I think one- upmanship and getting even are things that come naturally to us.
Forgiveness. Much, much harder.
oh yeah Steve. Without a doubt.
Some forgiveness comes easy for me… some, well, let’s just say I’m working on them.
I think for many it depends on what the issue is. Keep working.
As I understand the Bible God killed, judged and forgave. To do any of these would be “like God”. I am not sure why forgiveness is any more “like God” than judging or killing.
I don’t hold grudges but I don’t forget either. Grudges only affect the person holding them so it doesn’t make sense to waste the time and cause yourself the aggravation.
As for forgiveness, I don’t think you can forgive someone unless they ask to be forgiven. If they don’t ask there really isn’t complete forgiveness. Takes two to tango and it takes two to “untango” so to speak.
It is hard to forget Jeff without a doubt. And you are right about grudges affecting the person forgiven. I think forgiveness can be offered by one person, even though the other either doesn’t ask for it or want it. IMHO
I can respectfully disagree on the unilateral forgiveness. But I was reaaly hoping for a comment on the “God Like” question. If I kill, or judge, or forgive I would be “God like” if I understand what God is like. Is that not right?
I guess it is right. God judges, kills, and forgives. All of which are Godlike.
You are assuming since I did not answer that I agree. Wrong. Saturday is a day of study for me and some relaxation. I spend very little time on line and even less with my blog and answering comments. it is ironic that as a deist you would even care that God does those three since a deist does not believe God is involved in the world or its happenings (after He created it).
You are right, as a Deist, I don’t believe God does those things. I am curious as to why people, of all faiths, believe what they believe. Not sure why you thought my assumption was wrong for people that do believe they are Godlike or should try to be.
Struggling with this right now, Bill. Normally I find it “easy” to forgive but for the last couple days it’s been quite a struggle for me. My heart is having a hard time jumping on board this time.
I pray for you Eileen. Will pray more about this.
Forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me. – wow…
Regards grudges… I can carry them around for some time, but usually give them up quickly because I want to spend time with those people and my (since usually grudges are one-sided) grudge is the wall between us. There were a couple that I carried for some time… thankfully, let them go. They are no fun.
Funny (not haha) that grudges tend to be one-sided. Glad you put that while down.
As terrible as it sounds, I have gotten pretty good at forgiveness and It’s almost to the point of self preserving if not selfish, but it wasn’t always that way…
My thoughts on David’s guidance to Solomon is fairly simple; he knew his son would be in for a tough time and showing weakness would endanger the throne and his life. The people he had killed certainly could be justified by the law, but I believe it was more out of care and concern for his son that David gave his last orders.
Praying for you and yours for Sunday.
I do think you may be onto something about David’s words to Solomon. Thanks for your prayers Floyd.
Hi Bill,
I’m goint to try and take a stab at this.
v21 Abishai the son of Zeruiah answered, “Shall not Shimei be put to death for this, because he cursed the Lord’s anointed?”
Psalm 109 verse 17 ‘He loved to pronunce a curse– may it come on him;
v20 ‘May this be the LORD’s payment to my accusers, to those who speak evil of me.
I think what David displayed was mercy more than forgiveness and maybe not even mercy. The point King David made, I think, was that it was a day of his kingdom being returned to him. It was a day of rejoicing and giving thanks to God. It was not a day for killing his enemies.
So King David gave Shimei an oath for this reason that he would not be put to death with the sword .
When the kingship changed hands to Solomon, David requested that Solomon do what he had given an oath to not do to Shimei.
In other words, there are consequences for cursing the people of God. Particularly, as King David was God’s chosen and anointed at that time.
Psalm 109:4b says ‘but I am a man of prayer’. I think it is even harder to get away with cursing and betraying a man of prayer.
Just some thought from me.
Linda
You have given me something to think about Linda. You and Floyd have both done that.
Love me the story of Shimei! The characters in that story are great – David showing mercy, Shimei acting the fool, and Abishai showing no mercy. Shimei is mentioned in my message this weekend.
I try to have easy forgivability (my own made up word) – I have gotten better with this with age but still have a long way to go!
I knew we were long-lost brothers Jim. Now we are preaching some of the same things.
David’s boldness with his enemies has always stuck out to me as well. I think, perhaps, that as God’s anointed king, rejecting David was rejecting that aspect of God. That’s why David could be so bold.
Another good thought about David’s words to Solomon! I should have had you all in my office as a studied. Thanks Loren for adding to the discussion.
Lots of good comments, agree on many good point. Linda’s really stood out to me, that David was showing mercy instead of forgivness. Reading the post and everyone comments makes me want to study this out. Blessings
I used to be a grudge holder. Sometimes I still can be if it comes to someone hurting one of my children, but I always know it’s best to let go of the grudge….give it all over to God and I feel better everytime I do this. Putting it in God’s hands is the only way for me.