In his book Grace Awakening, Chuck Swindoll tells the following true story:
The pastor of a church in a different denomination contacted the pastor of a large downtown Baptist church and made an unusual request. He had several folks who had recently joined his church who preferred to be baptized by immersion rather than by sprinkling, the church’s normal mode of baptism. The pastor requested not only the use of their baptistry but that the Baptist pastor himself baptize those who came. This posed a dilemma-what if those being baptized weren’t born again? Since it was the pastor’s conviction that only Christians should be baptized, he realized he couldn’t with good conscience cooperate with the plan, but he wished to handle his answer with tact so as not to offend the other pastors. He wrote a letter, a masterpiece of grace, in which he included this humorous statement: “We don’t take in laundry, but we’ll loan you our tub.” (p.173-174)
Yeah, I chuckled. Doesn’t take much to do that. 
Not everyone would have handled it with such grace. Some are itching for a fight, or a way to get their “agenda” known. Some are not filled with grace. You know the old adage: “Us 4/ no more/ shut the door.” I once served a church (for a very short time) whose moniker was “We are right; you are wrong; and we will argue with you about it.” No joke. Needless to say I didn’t stay there very long, especially after I told them they were perceived that way in town. When they said, “It’s true” I knew it was time to hightail it out of Dodge.
Anyway, there will always be churches that clash. Sadder to me is when people clash. And…wonder of all wonders…people will clash. Far be it from some people to miss a good fight or argument. The Scripture I am using Sunday shows some raw emotion being displayed by two men of God. They clashed. They split & went their own way. But ultimately made up and the subject of their disagreement became useful to Paul in his ministry. I love second chances!
What is your reaction when disagreements arise? Do you firmly stand your ground? I’m talking about ideas and personalities not doctrinal issues. Have you seen others split from disagreements? Did it break your heart? Have you ever split and then “made up?’ Have a great weekend.
It depends entirely on the nature of the disagreement. I know that sounds like a cop out but there’s just too wide a range of possibilities. For example, someone in the church might think that the church building should be opened on cold nights for the homeless. A great idea…but if you can’t have enough staff to handle it, security in case someone gets unruly, etc…it could be a worse situation than helping. You might have to stand up and say now’s not the time, or we need a partner, etc.
Not a cop out at all Jason. You give a good scenario that needs to be considered. But it has potential for conflict.
When the gospel itself is at stake…we stand our ground.
We are not mean about it, but we won’t give in to those who would robe people of the assurance (for example) that God wants to give in Baptism…or in the Lord’s Supper.
Since the Lord commanded them…He is in them…doing His will for the benefit of the sinner…against all our reason that might tell us otherwise.
There…that’s an example of not backing down
Totally agree with your first line Steve. The gospel stands and we stand.
I too have Grace Awakening sitting in my library next to many other Swindoll works. I am not a good arguer, especially when “put on the spot”. I would rather have some time to go off and think things through, to search my feelings, to consider options, to understand my actions and points of view, etc. When I am caught in a disagreement unprepared, I can get pretty nasty and say some amazingly hurtful and stupid things. (Notice that I didn’t use the past tense here.)
Not the only one who can get nasty and snarky. I wish I could say I was above it not also.
Hi Bill,
Yes, I had a close friend who I split from a few years ago. We still talk and say hello when we see each other. We wave when we pass each other on the street in our cars, but we don’t have the kind of friendship and contact that we did once.
I made this decision because I was uncomfortable with how I was being treated by her. She was my #1 friend and I was her #4 or #5 friend. I was getting hurt. I haven’t looked back. I think it was the best decision for me to make in the circumstances.
I’m split from my daughter, because of my accusations against her husband. I believe that he is very dangerous to the grandchildren. My daughter disagrees. She will not allow me to come to her house. She will not see me at all unless we happen to run into each other in the grocery store.
I’ve tried to make up with my daughter but I have not agreed to ‘see no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil’ Turn a blind eye. My punishment is estrangement from my daughter and grandchildren. At this point my daughter does not trust me. And I think that she either knows and refuses to confront this issue, or she is residing in ‘la la land’.
Unfortunately, abused children lose their power and bravery because it is beaten out of them in one way or another. The probability of her admitting things at this time are pretty slim. She’s been brain taught for over 7 years now. Other people describe her presently as a very quiet, reserved child.
It’s incredible to get a glimpse of the wickedness that goes on in the lives of kids.
There are some things worth clashing over. The health and damage of a child is one of them. Stand your ground Linda if it is true and the truth will come out.
Oh my gosh Linda, this just makes me sad…..I will be praying for your grandchildren & that your daughter’s eyes be opened. What a horribly difficult situation to be in, but Bill is right….stand your ground. Praying.
thank you Jan. It is comforting to know that you are praying for this situation.
When I was young and didn’t really know what I was fighting about, I would pick fights with people to prove I was right. Now that I have grown and actually know more (and more doctrine)I actually fight less. It just isn’t worth it to me. That doesn’t mean I think I’m any less right, but I don’t want people to have the impression of me that I am a jerk who will fight over the smallest of things. If need be I still will, but I try to be less dogmatic about it. I also realize more now that God is so big and that my take is a human one. I might actually not have God totally figured out.
I have often used the phrase “choose your battles wisely.” I have tried to follow that and to figure out whether “that is a hill I am willing to die on.” You are doing that now.
As a single guy that works for himself I generally don’t have anyone to disagree with. I do enjoy good conversation with differing ideas and enjoy listening to others as well as explaining my own. I have had disagreements and encountered difficult people in the business arena and generally always work out the difference in some fashion. I am not opposed to compromise if that is the answer and it often is among reasonable people. I tend to just walk away from unreasonable people. If I walk away there is probably no making up as I tend to just write them out of my associations.
Bet you have good conversations with yourself.
Seriously, compromise with reasonable people is a whole lot easier than with militant ones. Sometimes you have to walk away and wipe the dust off your feet.
There was a time that I too had the attitude of your church… But if that’s the pride in knowing scripture then they miss the biggest point and understanding of all scripture. It is about love. That is the point where compassion for the lives and souls of others become first priority instead of fueling the deadly pride that kills true love. True love from a Godly perspective is putting others first, pride is the love of self…. Just like Lucifer…
I’ve been around so much of those legalists that memorized scripture, but have no understanding of the words. They are worse than the lost sometimes I swear… Well, not really swear, but you know what I mean.
I have conversations now with people that don’t agree on things, starting with Christianity itself. The best thing that can be done there is leaving the conversation open in real relationship and caring… God does the rest… Every time.
Praying for you Bill.
WOW Floyd you are so right on the money that I don’t know if I can add one thing to it. Excellent thoughts. (Glad you are out of that church).
I was just talking with a friend a few days ago about this issue. Everyone seems to agree that we should be faithful to primary matters but give liberty in secondary matters – the only problem is that I’ve never seen a comprehensive list of what’s primary and what’s secondary. It ends up just being a judgment call.
It is the old “Essentials vs non-essentials” argument. Agreeing on the eternal truths that do not and will not change is paramount I think.
If there is anything in the world I hate, it’s arguing. After someone turns 12 or 13, they have pretty much made up their minds about what they believe. Unless someone is questioning their beliefs, or is looking for understanding on a subject there is no changing someone’s mind. Once I give you my opinion, and you give me yours, all the arguing in the world will not change either one of our minds. I have been through several splits in church’s. One group or family gets offend by a message or another family and they leave. I think there needs to be more respecting of other’s opinions, even if we don’t agree with them. As far as that example of baptism, if someone were to ask me to baptize them, I can’t read their heart so I would probably do it. Baptism is between a person and God. If their heart is not right, the baptism will only get them wet. Just my opinion, or course.
You are pretty much right on about the opinion thing. I think Jeff said it well when he said sometimes compromise is what we have to do. Thanks Mike.
Being a “people pleaser” and a person who doesn’t like confrontation, I usually don’t get involved in disagreements, especially ones that would cause a split in a relationship, unless it was a dangerous or bad situation for me or someone I love…..I usually just listen, give a comment or 2, then be quiet. I have learned to agree to disagree with someone in my head, it’s less stress & strife than arguing or debating over it. Then I just pray that I live my life so that God’s light shines through & maybe the person will see something in me which makes them wonder.
Sometimes easier said than done for sure.
Being a people pleaser myself it is much easier to let things go, but there are times you state your opinion and then move on. I can see you sitting their listening and forming things in your head but not saying them.
It pains me to see churches failing to get along. I understand that there are differences in traditions, practices, and doctrines, but I thought we were all on the same team – God’s team. I don’t know what the answer it, but I long for the day when all the petty stuff that divides God’s church fades away, and we are all truly one body.
Clashes between personalities are the major reason we lose missionaries. One of our responsibility as Member Care is visiting those who come home from these clashes. We have yet to know of a couple who left because of doctrinal issues. Pride is universal so missionaries so it travels in remotes places too.
Giving up our right to be right is about laying aside self to help others. Romans 15 is one of my favorites chapter that addresses that.
Recently we just experienced something that rarely happens. Three couples went into a tribe about 10 years ago. Of course problems came and a terrible fallout happened. One couple went home stepped out of the mission. Another couple went home, got some help, came back and took another ministry. The couple who stayed in the tribe was dogmatic on their stand, pride. A few personal trials hit them and God used it to show them their sin in the breakup. They have confesssed it to the couple who took another ministry and now they are rejoining the work in the tribe. Were all three at fault, yes in different ways but pride was the root. It amazes me how much power there is in reconiging our own sin and asking forgiveness for it. For this one team of three couples there are countless other teams that never get that far, why…pride. It’s how it should work but pride stops relationship from being healed. You know what started the whole issue that changed that team lives, an issue of medicine. Satan does not address pride, he addressed medicine just as he used a piece of fruit on one certain tree in the garden. He never has new tricks…the old ones work.
You know who was the strongest couple in that team. The one who went home for help, came back, fit in to another ministry, prayed for a reconsilation. Romans 15:1-2 Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification. For even Christ did not please Himself
Paul talks about giving up his right to be right in certain areas. I find if even a fight between my husband and I does not get repaired quickly its because I don’t want to give up my right to be right for the sake of harmony in our marriage.
Keep preaching this my brother, someone will heed and lives will be changed for His glory. Blessings