Confused

Written by cycleguy on August 1st, 2012

Sometimes being a pastor just simply STINKS!

Now…before you get to thinking if you are one the few OVCF readers (but I love you anyway  🙂 ) or even one of my daily readers that I am bemoaning being the pastor of a cool bunch of people, I want to make sure I clear the air.  AIN’T SO!!  Okay…now since that is cleared up, let me explain.

Today/yesterday/Wednesday morning for my Encounter Time I read  this passage as part of my overall reading.  I even highlighted it in my Bible.   Little did I know I would be drawn back to that by the end of the afternoon.  One of the things I try to do when we have youth or adults at our church camp for a week of camp is visit during the week, most generally Wednesday.  This week we had one young man with Tourette’s syndrome, a nephew of one of our ladies.  He really doesn’t know me other than facially.  We also had one of our men who is close to my age and attends this particular week every year.  Phil is a unique man and has a great heart for kids. While visiting he began to tell me about a family in which three of the boys were at camp.  There are four altogether.  Each one has a different father.  The mom struggles with drugs. They are currently living in a burnt out house and sleeping on carpeting.  A pastor in a neighboring town has taken them under his wing, made sure they went to church, and even took them to camp.  But they have moved over 45 minutes away from him, and closer to us.  Come school time they will be going to a school in our county known for its lower income families.

Have you ever had your heart  break?  Have you ever been able to feel your heart splitting in two? 

That is how I felt as Phil was telling me the story and then as I talked to a young lady who taught one of the boys in school.  It is hard for me to fathom a situation like that.  And you?  Do stories like that bother you?  Now I am in a quandary because I know the Bible is clear in its teaching.  What can we do to help these four boys?  How can we get them  taken care of physically, as well as spiritually?  What can we do to help them emotionally?  As I was speaking to Phil and one other, the oldest came over and butted in and did something purely for the purpose of attention.  (He is the grown up in the family…a boy going into 7th grade).

What good is our work of faith and steadfastness of hope without our labor of love (Thessalonians passage)?  They are fodder for a totally dysfunctional home and law-trouble.  I am asking myself “How can we break the cycle?” I have a sneaking suspicion that this might have something to do with that Love Does thingy.  😀

First, I would appreciate any prayers you might care to send up for us.  Second, have you run into this?  What has been your reaction?  How have you helped? 

 

30 Comments so far ↓

  1. Bill, I don’t know. I never know exactly what to do. But I do believe it will involve doing something incredbily radical that others don’t expect and may think is crazy.

  2. Tom says:

    I am giving thanks and praying for you Bill! Heartbreaking and tough. Praying a connection of trust, love and support can be formed. Praying the right person/people answer the call.

  3. Jan says:

    This definitely breaks my heart, I will be praying for these boys everyday.I wish I could say that I haven’t heard of this kind of sad situation. I have heard these kinds of stories & others from working in the schools & have seen what kids in these situations go through. I have listened to their stories and had to hold back crying in front of them. I don’t like to say what I did for some because I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging or boasting about my actions..I gave anonymously some of what was needed materially or financially to a school official whom I trusted to make sure it got where it was supposed to go. On a more personal front, I just listened, encouraged & checked on the kids during the day when I would see them at school. Besides the material things, kids sometimes just want an adult to take an interest in them & talk to them, or just listen to them. I would try to find out what their hobbies or interests were & research it a little so I could talk with them about it, a couple of times I just found a magazine or 2 mentioning a particular interest & give it…you’d be surprised at the kind of reactions I would get from them. These kids never leave my mind & I just constantly pray for them. I truly mean it when I say I’m going to pray for these boys every single day.

  4. Daniel says:

    Bill, this is so far out of my league, I just have no idea what to answer. I just spent a bit of time in prayer for you. Perhaps small steps are needed to find your footing before taking bigger ones.

  5. lindaM says:

    Hi Bill,
    My neighbors deal with something similar but not as difficult. Drugs are involved with them too. I know that my neighbor really enjoys coming to my place for coffee.
    Just knowing that someone cares and is trying to help is helpful to them. The kids have adopted me as their ‘neighbor gramma’.

    I’m also a place close to them where they can come for ‘snacks’. Kid’s don’t have the same ability and resources as adults. Many times they are restricted because of their age.
    Spending some time with the kids playing and hanging out really helps them I think. They don’t feel so isolated and alone. This is the same for the adults. They need friends and some support socially and otherwise.

    My tendency is to say to myself, ‘well if you would just quit the drugs it would help alot’. Easier said than done. I haven’t had to deal with addiction problems.

    This is sometimes difficult because they will make unwise decisions. The drugs are a factor in robbing the family of their money resources. I have helped financially here and there, but mostly it’s rides to places, the food bank, the bottle depot, the thrift store, putting some food from my cupboard in a grocery bag for them, helping them to help themselves so to speak. At times giving them something to work with.

    I was instrumental in providing a bit of money for the husband to travel up north by bus to get to a job site for work. It was supposed to be a ‘loan’. It looks like that money was a gift 🙂 I’ve not spoken about this to them since that time. I’m letting them decide if they’re paying me back or not.

    I’ve had disappointments, but overall I think that this family is doing better. I notice her house is becoming more of a home. Their yard is looking more like other neighbors’ yards. His dad bought a lawn mower for them, and they generally use it. They are showing some care.

    He is working now. Which helps the family tremendously. They are getting married this weekend and I am attending their garden wedding. His work may not last, but so far, all is well.
    They make decisions and do things that I wouldn’t necessarily do, but then again, I don’t know all the facts of how they make their decisions.

    Hope is a bright light. Hope for me and hope for them.

    • cycleguy says:

      Sounds like your neighbors are getting some things together. Let’s pray for long-lasting changes. I like your last line.

  6. David Rupert says:

    Investing in people too often seems like a losing strategy. The payoff just isnt visible. They take your investment of money, time, energy, words and compassion, and flush it all away.

    It’s hard to keep giving. And harder yet to trust God with the results

    • cycleguy says:

      True David. But is that a reason to stop? I realize these boys (and others like them) can take advantage of us. Been there had that done. Trusting God to bring good out of deeds done in His name is His thing.

  7. Desert Jim says:

    That is a tough one Bill. I prayed for you and these kids. It is heartbreaking to see others living like that when you know they shouldn’t have to.

    It is an awesome thing that they got to go to camp! I pray that somehow that experience will help get them through.

    Love them as you can and understand that you are only one person and trust that God will involve more people in these kids lives.

    • cycleguy says:

      it is going to take more than one person (me) to reach the kids. It is going to take many others. Thanks for your prayers.

  8. Ultimately, you have to realize your humanity and your finite-ness. Of course we want to reverse the situation 100%. We want to make a difference. But we can only do what we can do. Try as hard as you can, pray as hard as you can – but understand that you’re just a human.

  9. floyd says:

    Those type of real life situations break my heart to pieces. Not kids Lord… Please.

    Being a coach of high school aged kids is a natural thing for me. When I see any kids in that situation, I have to get involved, at least to talk to them, share with them hope, share with them that sometimes the hard life as a kid can be the very thing that shapes their lives to change the lives of others when they are my age…

    Heart breaking story… I’m praying for you.

    • cycleguy says:

      Men who care about the kids they coach are rare. You are one of them Floyd. so glad you see the kids as more than players but people.

  10. Bill…my prayers are with your for this family. I wish I had great wisdom for you but I don’t. I know a few years ago we started a ministry that adopted a local children’s home. We gathered those in the church who would be interested in being “visiting resources”, which meant that they be willing to visit a child and have that child visit them in their home for a night, weekend type of thing. It was very successful for a season…a few kids even found permanate homes. Then the Children’s Home started to crack down on families “talking about religion” and the ministry slowly ended…really sad.

    I’ll be praying for sure…

    • cycleguy says:

      Too bad the home saw your efforts as a threat. They forgot the kids who were helped. But least those who were involved got a taste of helping others. thanks for praying.

  11. Susan says:

    I see it all of the time where I live. Our neighbors have been busted for drugs multiple times, and social services have been involved. They have lost all four of their children – probably for good – because of the drugs. Mom lost a fifth child the last time she was incarcerated. The pain of watching them repeat the cycle over and over again is awful.

    We have helped them out as we could, and when we had the means in terms of food, and other items such as gas for a vehicle to get to work. We’ve prayed for and with them. Mom has come to ask me to pray numerous times. Most recently, they asked if our pastor would come out and hold a funeral service for the little one that they lost. He came gladly, and everyone there heard the Gospel. It was definitely culture shock for our pastor, though.

    It is heart-rending.

  12. Jeff says:

    This is my kind of Jesus talk.
    As I think you know I work exclusively with non-profit organizations as a financial advisor, CPA, and business developer as my source of income. As such a see a variety of organizations doing wonderful work with under-resourced individuals. I also work, on a volunteer basis for those that support my passion for the aged, the disabled and the youth.
    One organization, Stepping Stones, of Bloomington Indiana(http://steppingstones-inc.org)
    I admire a lot for taking homeless teens(16-20) and providing a sheltered environment from the abusive home front, requiring strict adherence to maintaining their education pursuits, while having a part time job, following rules and paying pro-rated expenses for their rent , utilities, and personal expenses. The success stories from the kids that stick with it are amazing.
    This program is run by a person dedicated to making a difference.
    They do not sell Jesus but I think they do what he would have us do.
    I think the Christian community sometimes thinks that selling Jesus is first and living his teachings are secondary. They spend to much time selling and not enough time doing it.

    • cycleguy says:

      You make a good point Jeff. I am not into selling jesus either. I don’t think I have to sell Him. I believe doing what love is supposed to do opens doors.

  13. Praying for you, Bill. I have been in those situations and you have a lot of different things pulling on you. May you have wisdom and grace to meet you and I know He’ll guide you as you submit yourself again to Him. Blessings to you, friend!

  14. Ed says:

    Heartbreaking. Getting the church involved in meeting the needs of the kids would be ideal. Perhaps the youth pastor/ministry can play a vital role in their lives…picking them up on a Saturday, taking them to McDs or the park or something.

  15. cycleguy says:

    Sometimes being a member of the human race just simply stinks! It is much easier to crawl into my shell than to face families or situations like these. Praying God can use us (and other God-followers) in these people’s lives.

    This comment is from Sally, one of my readers from OVCF. (Thanks Sally)