As many of you may already know, the church I pastor has been in a several-month-long renovation. You can even view the pictures of the progress on that site. I have already told the story of how this all came to be so I won’t regurgitate review it again. Just as an update: we are taking the church building and literally flip-flopping sides with the young people. We will go from 800 square feet to about 1800 square feet; a 10 foot ceiling to a cathedral-type; 83 chairs to (we hope) about 180 or so, and maybe more; and we will be doing it by paying cash. Dave Ramsey would be proud of us. 😛 I am seriously hoping that doing so will allow us to hire a young man who has been attending and working with our youth as our Associate/Youth Pastor. We have done a ton of work ourselves, but have also had to hire out some of the more detailed ones. One of those has been the painting of the new part and also the floor.
Which brings me to my topic. The floor was painted this afternoon (Tuesday) with the first coat of an epoxy. I had been told about its strong smell and figured to myself, “How bad can it be?” I found out my answer today: REAL BAD! After a lunch at the Chinese restaurant (I have to take advantage of lunches with people, especially future youth pastors since Jo does not like Chinese at all), I went for a ride. After the ride I showered and returned to the office after some errands and just about fell over. Strong? Nah. Overwhelmingly slammed in the head? Yeah. I was there about 10 minutes and I was talking in a foreign language. My head was spinning. So I headed home.
Toxic is more than an adjective for paint. We have
Toxic churches
Toxic friendships
Toxic relationships
Toxic pastors
Toxic spouses
Toxic coworkers
The list seems endless doesn’t it? They get inside our heads and hearts. Sort of like that toxic epoxy. Staying in the building would have not have killed me, but it could have given me a much unneeded headache, or it could have made me sick. The above list will do that, although following a toxic pastor can be harmful to your soul. There will always be those people, pastors, churches who will “call out” to us, and we have to make decision to either abandon ship, cut the ties, or go all in. I would suggest cut the ties. Stick with Jesus. Don’t follow men. Check this out.
Have you had any experience with toxic anything? Any from my list? Could you add any?
As I grow in wisdom, I gain sensitivity to an internal crap-o-meter. I have read books by very visible and “popular” preachers that others had recommended. As I read, my crap-o-meter pegged. I knew what I was reading was not supported by the bible and was in fact just populist, feel-good pablum. I could very clearly and logically discuss with others what was wrong and why.
That said, there are times when folks will attack the Christian faith, and I am unable to withstand the onslaught. One example is Bill Maher. He has a way of making me doubt and question that weakens me. I cannot listen to him because of this.
It helps to have that internal meter Daniel. It is called discernment. Too bad so many others don’t have it. If they did, many of the false teachers wouldn’t be thriving. Do remember the enemy will use supposed learned people to undermine our faith. You know…stick to it.
Bill, my former church is so toxic right now. The deacons are heavy handedly making decisions that conteadict the church constitution and a family member is involved. A friend is about to take a stand against them and the family member. I may get caught in the middle a bit.
Man, that is so sad. So glad you got out. Now if only your friend and family member would leave. Be praying for you.
There are some family members that are toxic on my wife’s side. We just cannot be around them – they spew poison and just are harmful. As a result of this we do not have much if anything to do with them. It is sad – we love them but they are just too harmful to be around.
Tragically, family is one of the hardest to deal with. I think you and Wendy know your limits and realize it is best to separate yourself.
Hi Bill,
I’m dealing with something toxic right now. I ran into a former day care worker today who refused to step up and help my granddaughter years ago against sexual abuse.
I kind of lost it in the grocery store. Especially when she kept excusing herself and her conduct by saying that she knew nothing about it. This is what made me the most furious. Professional mumbo jumbo that says nothing and excuses herself completely, is what spewed from her mouth today.
And I was furious. I very seldom experience this level of fury that I experienced today.
I believe that the Day Care years ago was afraid to try and find out what was going on. The accuzations were there and made for sexual abuse against my granddaughter by her dad. I talked to this particular day care worker. She would have been able to help me and my granddaughter and she refused to help us, through denial.
It was outrageous behavior by an organization that is intended to care for and protect children. These organizations are so afraid of sexual abuse, of involvement of any kind really. There is no real protection in these places unless the difficulty to be addressed is very minor indeed.
I think that this is what makes me the angriest. People who will not look at or address evil even when they are in positions of responsibility that are meant to deal with these things.
This is such hideous conduct, I just can’t stand it.
WOW Linda. That would make me furious. To do something against innocent children just fries me. Please be careful though that the feelings do not linger and turn into hate. Prayers will be said.
Great analogy, Bill. Yes, I have had my share of toxic relationships. They suck the life right out of you. Personally, I need to keep my eyes open to this. I need to be aware of when to retreat.
Contrary to some opinions retreat is sometimes to the best option. Always stay vigilant though.
Bill, you know I have. In fact, I’ve had experience with toxic pastors, churches, friends, bosses, and relatives. My first impulse is always to bail. Often, it is the only good move. I think it is one of the most difficult things when it comes to cutting ties with family members.
Toxic workplaces come a close second, especially when you are the main breadwinner as my husband was during one of those stints.
IMHO, though, the most devastating is toxic religion. I saw that because spiritual toxicity destroys people’s faith. I know too many people who turned away from Jesus because they were abused by some megalomaniac control freak who was on a power trip. Even those of us who survive and thrive once we are out still have some permanent triggers that can send us back into the black hole of despair.
I know you know exactly what I am talking about Susan. In fact, you could have written this post better than me. Toxic religion is bad and like you said can destroy a person’s faith. So glad you are out.
Been there done that. Got the old mask to prove it!
You summed it up perfectly, “We need to follow Jesus, not men.” If it doesn’t fit God’s word it is poison. Glad to hear the progress on your church!
If it doesn’t fit God’s Word it is poison. Exactly!
God’s grace is the cure for the toxic wasteland we live in…at least I know that was the cure for me and the toxic heart I once held within my chest.
So excited about your new building bro’…what a blessing!
Love talking about grace Jay. What an unending song that will/can be.
Ok…i might get kicked out for this but…that brittany spears song got stuck in my head when i read your title…
have had some toxic TV come my way…not good…
but in Christ the toxic flees!!!
And I am going to show my ignorance Arny…not sure what song by Spears you are talking about. 🙂 Toxic TV is one I forgot.
And it’s sad that so many would try to “make it work” with those toxic relationships thinking that it will get better. We certainly have to be careful who we follow. Paul said to “follow me as I follow Christ” and the leaders we follow, we will become like. We need the right people in our lives to guide and direct, but their hearts have to belong to Jesus! Thanks Bill.
It is sad Jason. How many times have you heard, “they will change”? Better to get out than become a shell or a statistic. Thanks for coming by.
a lot of Christians struggle with this (myself included) because they don’t want to “hurt feelings” by removing themselves from a toxic situation.
We don’t have to be rude – but we are told to guard our hearts. I don’t see any way around it. If the church/friendship/etc we are in is toxic and potentially damaging to our heart – how can we guard our heart and still stay there?
That is def one of the problems Craig. Being a people-pleaser is tough. i do agree with your “we don’t have to be rude” comment.
I think on some level everyone has been around some of the toxins you listed. It’s part of living in a sinful world. Thank God for His healing and grace though.
I have had to deal with a lot of toxic relationships, it’s very hard to get cleansed of the toxins, only through God have I been able to feel the freedom from those relationships. Toxic tv is so true. I used to be a big tv watcher, now the tv is hardly on. So thankful God is showing me what the toxins are in my life.