It never ceases to amaze me how God works.
After posting my sermon for the weekend here, I was simply planning a weekend of riding and studying. Jo would be gone so my weekend, especially Saturday, would take on a different “color” since she would not be here to do our normal Saturday thing. But God had other plans. I’ll start it by saying this from my sermon Sunday:
Bitterness is like a cancer. It takes root so deeply that sometimes is it impossible to extract. It is actually a progression in that it starts small then grows into something much bigger. We no longer own it: it owns us!
I SAW THAT IN SPADES THIS PAST WEEKEND.
I was visiting a doctor on Friday (the type will remain anonymous since I do not want to give any idea to someone local who may read this) when the subject of school sports came up. Actually, it was my doing since I inquired about this person’s child playing sports for one of the local high schools. I reckon I opened up a can of worms. It was the coach. It was the athletic director. It was some other student athletes. I think the only one not mentioned might have been the janitor (and who knows…he may have not cleaned the playing field well enough). I listened as this person took shots at people I know and love (but I don’t think this person knew that), even to the point where this person’s child leaves the room or goes home if they should come to visit a mutual friend. I could have spoken up in defense, but I realized it was not going to do any good whatsoever. None. Zip. Nada.
I walked away feeling…aaaah…sad. I can’t speak for the matter involving the coach, AD, or anyone else. I do know the people this person spoke about and find it inconceivable. What I can speak about is the sad reality of bitterness taking over. A student athlete gets punished because a parent can’t see straight. There are always two sides to every story I realize that. But in true parent-style, this person is seeing only one. There are so many variables to be considered that I hesitate saying much more except: Bitterness is like a cancer. I have to wonder how this all started and how it got so entrenched in this person. It is hard to see. It is sad to see. It is tough to watch someone you care about taking a dive into deep water with boots on. Soon it will be a jacket (not a life but a weighted one). All that is left is the drowning.
Have any thoughts you would like to share? Is bitterness a problem you deal with? Have you had an experience like this? What did you do and how did you feel? Have a great week. Meanwhile check out this.
Bill, we are no longer slaves to sin, but when we allow bitterness in it’s as though we take the chains and lock them ourselves.
Absolutely correct Larry. Ball and chain locked.
Wow. Succinct, sad and true.
I’ve had to deal with bitterness at the oddest times. Not as much as I’ve done in the past but I’ve had it pop up when I didn’t expect it and I make a point to stop and pray and forgive on the spot. It takes work but I know I need to do it.
That is the best way to deal with it Jason…immediately. That helps keep the “growth” down.
May be this happens more with sports parents. I coached little league and soccer when my kids were growing up. Most parents were supportive and positive and appreciative. There was always one or two that were not satisfied or thought their little Johnnie was not being treated with as much playing time, put in the right position, or whatever.
I don’t think I would have let the person you talked to off the hook. I would have questioned the facts and the feelings.
You are right. Bitterness or holding a grudge are both like cancer, other than the bitterness can affect a lot more people if allowed to spread.
I don’t know the complete story of this but suspect it is was you suggest- no “star” treatment. As for the “off the hook” suggestion: if I had been one-on-one I may have been more inclined, but it was in an office situation where another was present. Maybe another time.
Thankfully bitterness is not something that has afflicted me too much in my life. But I have known a few folks very much like the one you describe. You realize pretty quickly that where they are, you want to be somewhere else.
You are right Daniel. You want to be someplace else cuz they are no fun to be around.
Bitterness creeps in incrementally. I watched my dad destroy his health with bitterness.
There are some ongoing situations in my life that come in and rub my ankles like a harmless little kitten. I’m here to tell you, though, that if I nurture that little fellow, he becomes a destroying, roaring lion in a heartbeat.
I’m posting a link to this post on my blog and on my Facebook page.
Love your word picture Susan of the kitten and lion. I am honored that you would link this. Thanks.
Someone close to me grew up in a family enmeshed with bitterness. The angry bitterness approach was actually taught to the children.
It is so sad to see the damage.
The person close to me struggles everyday to overcome the approach engraved in their raising.
It is sad to see and even sadder to see the “passed down” affect it has.
So many good comments here.
When bitterness rears it’s ugly head, I know I’ve already blown it. I flee to the cross for refuge.
The Lord works repentance in me. And I’m ok…for a little while…until I wander off again…and He has to come after me.
Flee to the cross is the best place to go. He showed us how to deal with it all.
It’s sometimes tough to not let cynicism, bitternesses pilot light, get turned up when we live in a fallen world where everyone will let us down and visa versa. I’ve seen bitterness literally take lives earlier than they should have lived by a long shot.
It definitely has a physical toll as well as a spiritual toll.
Bitterness is such an ugly thing. Wendy and I were just discussing a situation where I feel like bitterness is the root. It is such a destructive force and sadly people do not realize it and get entrenched in it.
I have struggled with it at times but really word hard to keep that poison out of my life. As I heard James MacDonald say – Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
It is hard when you are on the outside and see something and those on the inside are blind. Good words from Jimmy Mac.
I’ve dealt with bitterness.
During & after my divorce.
Bitterness can be similar to a cup of coffee – once you add the creamer, the coffee is never (and will never be again) black.
Bitterness (anger, jealousy, fear, etc) can attach itself to our identity. The devil fills our head with lies – telling us we NEED the bitterness. That to let go & heal would be an injustice. So we hold onto bitterness to “punish” the other person.
It is only through brokenness, submission, TIME & obedience can one allow God to pull out the roots of bitterness.
You definitely speak from experience. So glad you have been freed from it.
Hi Bill,
I think that bitterness is definitely an area we do not want to find ourselves. I think of Simon the spiritist (sorcerer) who was converted to Christ in Acts 8. I’m thinking that bitterness prevented him from receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost. Then he tried to buy the Holy Ghost from the apostles Peter and John.
My life is free from this kind of bitterness. Otherwise, I likely would not be able to walk with God in sincerity and truth. I experience anger at times but it is short lived in my life.
I think a believer has to do everything possible to stay out of bitterness. Peter doesn’t seem to offer Simon much relief. He rebukes him sharply and disqualifies him for ministry. What Simon does then is ask Peter to pray for him.
If we are not already in this situation of bitterness, believers need to fight with everything God has given us to stay out of it.
The really sad thing is this man you describe here in your post is bitter over a high school junior level sports game. His priorities are all mixed up.
His only hope is to somehow be able to see things that truly matter in life as important things. This man wants something that he can’t have, so to speak, and he is not willing to accept this.
Just my thoughts on this topic Bill.
You are right in that everything possible to stay out of this kind of bitterness. This person (and us) do need to see what is important.
It’s sad to encounter people like this. The quote, “hurting people hurt others” comes to mind.” It seems like this person is hurt and it’s causing this behavior.
I agree with you, saying something would not have helped, he might have even started to attack(verbally) you. I think when we encounter situations like this the best thing to do is to pray.
I don’t think this person is really hurt. I know hurting people and I don’t think he fits. I think he has his priorities messed up. I like when people attack me verbally. I am a polemic. You just fire back. I don’t find praying to be a solution to anything.
Not going to take sides in saying this person was or was not hurt.
But I do agree that priorities were skewed. In a believer’s case, praying for guidance and knowing what to say is a help. Besides it helps slow down the response.
You’re post reminds of that we shouldn’t let the sun go down on our anger.
If we tackle the hurt soon, it doesn’t have the chance to fester and grow.
Not everything has a quick fix, however if we take proactive steps to finding a solution we are less likely to be consumed with bitterness that is hard to root out!
Proactive is the best way to handle some things. I agree with not allowing the sun go down on your anger.
Sadly, I have been a bitter person, when I finally decided to let God have it all, I felt so much better & can honestly say there’s no bitterness left. It wasn’t easy, I don’t mean to make it sound as if it was…..I was bitter about a lot of things that happened in my life & then in the lives of my children….it is freeing to let go of the bitterness. I love what TC says about not letting the sun go down on our anger. Very true!
Your past would allow you the “I deserve to be bitter” but so glad God has helped you beyond it.
I used to have a bad habit of always commenting or criticizing other people. It seems I used to always see the bad in people instead of the good. I am grateful to say with a lot of prayer and self-examination I was able to turn that around. I still have a proclivity to criticize, but I have developed the habit of holding back, and re-evaluating the situation. Sometimes it’s a matter of trying to see things from the other person’s point of view. It sounds like the person your talking about is very bitter, and needs a lot of prayer. I will pray for them myself after this post.
I wouldn’t say I’m prone to bitterness really, but I have dealt with it. It’s very subtle and makes you feel sort of powerful at first, but it’s a poison and a cancer like you said. Good reminder here, Bill. Thanks.