PAIN

Written by cycleguy on November 28th, 2012

I have debated long and hard about posting this topic.  “Maybe later.”  But I feel God prompting me to post this now.  So here goes:

CHRISTMAS = PAIN

The sad fact is that for many people the equation is true: Christmas = Pain.  I have been a pastor for over 40 years.  I have seen a lot in those 40 some years.  As you can well imagine, not all good.  Not all happy.  Not all joyous.  Here’s why:

Early on I learned a principle that I have tried to never forget.  Our life is like a wheel-it goes ’round and ’round.  Every year we come to the same dates on the calendar- Valentine’s Day, Memorial Day, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day.  We also have days like birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, and funerals.   (Neither is a complete list).   The principle I learned was that each significant life event makes an impression on our wheel.  Negative ones leave bumps or bubbles so that every time our wheel hits that spot there is a glitch.  For example, someone we love dies on say, October 9th.  Every year when that date rolls around melancholy caused by memories sets in. I know someone who despises Valentine’s Day.

Okay now…compound that at Christmas.  It is supposed to be a time of joy and merry-making.  Laughter.  Love.  Sitting by fires.  Cuddling on the couch.  But those days are long gone.  A more apt emotion is loneliness.  Emptiness. Endless questions.  Whether caused by death, divorce, military, travel, distance or whatever, loneliness invades the thoughts and hangs around awhile.

Now, here’s the deal.  We all know people like that.  You, or someone you know, may be facing this Christmas with a “sore spot” that needs a little treatment.   One of the best ways to treat that “bump” is to be proactive and not reactive.  Prepare for it.  I usually don’t give advice here, but I’d like to suggest a couple of things:

  1. Prepare your heart and mind for what is coming.  Don’t be blindsided and then find yourself wallowing in your misery.  Since I am a pastor I feel I need to give some spiritual advice.  Spend time in the Word.  Spend time praying for wisdom and guidance.
  2. Prepare those whom you trust to make sure you are not aloneNO ONE needs to be alone during this season, especially someone who struggles with depression or low self-esteem.
  3. Plan to do something for someone else.  Take your eyes off yourself and focus on someone else who needs help.  Visit them. Invite them over for a meal.  Drop a note or card (remember those things?)

Christmas does not have to equal pain.  Instead, it can be a great time to reach out and minister to others.  Okay…your turn. What do you think?  Do you have other suggestions to add (I am not foolish enough to think I exhausted them all).  I’d like to hear from you.

I have included this song because it helped spark my thoughts.  And make sure you check out Sele’s site.

 

22 Comments so far ↓

  1. Daniel says:

    I am one of those whose pain quotient goes up at Christmas. I have somehow built up in my mind that it is supposed to be this big Normal Rockwellian event, but for me all I can hear are the echos off the walls of my empty house. This is not where I had hoped and dreamed I would be 10 years ago when everything was going so well.

  2. I could have easily let my life be one where this happened. When I was a teen, every Christmas was miserable because of a situation involving my mom. Instead, it is now my favorite. I just refused to let it be a painful time. But not everyone can push through like I did. I like your ideas. It is the responsibility of those of us who enjoy to help those who find it tough.

    • cycleguy says:

      You state the real issue larry. Not everyone can push through like you did. I wish we all could. but it is those like you and me who can help others.

  3. Jon Stolpe says:

    I like your #3. Isn’t Christmas so much better when we GIVE!?!

  4. Zee says:

    That was an awesome post, big brother. I needed to head / read that.

    For about 9 years, New Year has been a sore spot for me because it always has been a family holiday and when my cousin moved to Germany and my aunt and grandma passed away, it left just my mom and I to celebrate together. While I enjoy spending time with my mom, that spirit of holiday was lacking because I grew up in a family that valued spending time together more than anything else. Last year was a good one, celebrations-wise, but I still miss having a family holiday. This year it will probably be the same crew as last year – I hope.

    Thanks for thoughts and advice.

    *HUG*

    • cycleguy says:

      Thanks for the kind words lil sis. Glad I could “reach” your heart. I feel for your emptiness you experience and hope this year can begin a new tradition.

  5. Steve Martin says:

    No doubt is a very rough time for a great many people.

    I only pray that we might encounter some of those folks and speak into their pain and loneliness about the One who came for us, that one Day we would be whole again, and to dry all our tears, forever.

  6. Betty Draper says:

    There have been some lonely years due to an empty nest. Most missionaries feel that pain often due to seperation from family so they tend to adopt other missionaries to celebrate holidays. We have lots of adopted grandchildren, son, daughters that still think of us as family. Singles have it the hardest and so enjoy an invite during those times. Actually they just love to be invited anytime for a meal, some relationship building. Good reminder brother…

  7. Love the practical advice, Bill. You’re right–we need to remember that there are people with real needs physically, emotionally, and spiritually and this time of year compounds certain things. We can get so wrapped up in family and “me” that we forgot to look out at those harvest fields that are still ripe and white. We can do good for one another when others need it most. Great reminder. Thank you.

    • cycleguy says:

      You are so right Jason. The fields are there for the “picking.” We need to reach out to those we know are hurting. Thanks for the comment.

  8. floyd says:

    This is a great reminder of what this season is really all about. There is sadness, there is pain, this world is fallen, but God is still in the business of redemption. I’m inspired, Bill. Thanks.

  9. Jan says:

    Love the 3 suggestions Bill. I used to be one of those….due to not having my dad in my life regularly and other issues…..so thank you for reminding me that there are people out there who will not be looking forward to Christmas simply because it’s a painful day.

  10. Debbie says:

    I’m so glad you went ahead and did this post on pain. I wonder how many around me might not be all that merry . . .but afraid to say anything. You know the part where you said to be proactive .. .I want to be that way toward others, even without them having to say they are having a hard time this Christmas. God bless you as you help us be His messengers.

  11. I think that there’s benefit in trying to create new traditions – specifically geared around serving others like you mentioned. I could see that transforming the way you feel about a particular holiday.

  12. Ed says:

    I understand the depression angle, but someone once told me that if you are depressed when you are alone and/or at Christmas time, then get out of the door and the box you are in and surround yourself by people. Volunteer or even go and spend time with the people at the nearby Salvation army. In other words: “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38. Thanks Bill!