I suspect many, if not all of us, have been in a position where we have “hedged” a little. What I mean by that is we fail to “tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” I am a big fan of Perry Mason. I love watching the old Black & White TV series. Of course, Perry always gets his man/woman. One of the things he was good at was picking apart a witness who may have not told the whole truth.
As a leader, it is easy to hedge sometimes.
Full disclosure of financial dealings is not forthcoming.
Full disclosure of travel expenses are not forthcoming.
Full disclosure of office proceedings are not forthcoming.
Full disclosure of deals made behind others’ backs is not forthcoming.
As a pastor, it is easy to hedge sometimes:
Time spent in “play” is not forthcoming.
So-called study (i.e. borrowing sermons from the internet) is not forthcoming.
Staff performances are not evaluated honestly.
In my “team” discussion of Love Works with Jon “Stretched” Stolpe, today’s focus is on trust. In fact, Jon has been blogging the whole week on that topic. I encourage you to check out his blog for each day.
It has been my experience over the years that trust is key to any organization- any relationship for that matter- to thrive. Take away trust and what do you have? Suspicion. Mistrust. Lies. Discontent. Backbiting. In fact, the whole environment changes. Take, for example, an executive who lies about finances. How will the others feel about his trustworthiness? Or a pastor who lies about his study habits. How will the leadership be able to trust him on other matters? Or a teenager who lies to his/her parents. How many times has it been said once trust is eroded it takes awhile to rebuild it? The examples can go on and on.
Leading with love means caring enough to be truthful in all things. When talking about self. When talking about the organization. When talking about each other. Speaking the truth isn’t always easy, but it is essential. For example, one of the first steps for an addict to get the help they need is to admit they have a problem. Truthfulness.
Keep in mind that truthfulness goes both ways. You may be a truthful person (“I tell it like it is”). But it is also equally important to find someone who will be honest with you, and with whom you will allow complete honesty. Truthful feedback. I know pastors need them. I have two other pastors I feel confident I can go to and know they will shoot straight with me. But it is also important to be able to handle the truth. Give and take.
Check out Jon’s post about this week’s subject on truth. Meanwhile, what do you think? Do you feel you are a truthful person? Can you handle the truth?
Bill, great post and questions. It’s definitely something to grapple with. Am I representing truth to my kids when I go five miles over the legal driving limit? Am I being truthful in every single area of my leadership? When it comes down to it, I think I probably have a lot of work to do. This is one of the reasons it is so important to have accountability in our lives.
My post will go live tomorrow at 5AM. I look forward to your thoughts.
True Jon about having a lot of work to do (I do). It is also true that we need someone to hold our feet to the fire. Read and commented. Hope others will check it out as well.
I strive to be, but sometimes I find myself exaggerating things. It’s something I’m working on.
Least you’re working on it larry. You recognize it and are not saying, “Oh well, can’t hurt.”
I am generally a pretty truthful person. I think as I have gotten older, I have made notable progress. If I think back on the times when I have told a lie, the reasons are varied. Reasons include i). I just didn’t feel like getting into something when someone asked, ii). I was trying to impress someone, iii). ???. Actually that last one is the most perplexing. Oh, and I have such tender feelings in some things, that often I cannot handle the truth.
Like told when i was a kid: telling lies can only come back to haunt you. You have done a good job of listing why we tell lies. I also think even those with tender feelings and hear the truth if done correctly.
For the most part, I’m pretty honest. But that is not the standard. We don’t get any freebie lies.
Jesus hit it on the head when he said that, “everyone is a liar”.
No freebie lies. No mulligans. Makes it tough but it is true.
I have always thought that a persons reputation is the most important asset they have. It needs to be protected at all costs. Being truthful is imperative to being trusted.Being trustworthly is imperative to being a leader.
I have learned that the truth isn’t always the best response however. If a lady asks what do you think of my new hairdo? And you think it is unbecoming, do you tell the truth. I don’t. But on what I consider Important matters I always try to be truthful.
I have always operated on a “Need to know basis” There are some things that some people don’t need to know. It may confuse them, they may not understand it, they may pass the information on to the wrong people in a wrong way, they may not be able to handle the truth as they say.
What I find ironic, and I love irony, is that most people lie about something in order to enhance their image and exactly the opposite happens when the truth comes out.
You are so right about a person’s reputation Jeff. When that is blown, kiss a lot good-bye. That “how do I look” question is a conundrum. 🙂 “You look awful!” I absolutely love your last sentence. That is worth repeating.
That’s a mouthful, Bill. And not everyone actually wants to hear the truth. Then there’s the whole, “speaking the truth in love” thing. Social lies included here? And lies of omission. And lies we tell ourselves.
Yep, I can see spending a whole week on this one.
I have two women friends – who are like night and day personality-wise – who will always tell me the truth in love, and I thank God for them. I grew up in a home where it was safer at times to not tell the truth. Unless it was the truth my mother wanted to hear.
When someone is so set in their ways Susan the last thing they want to hear is the truth. You have been there for sure. You want to write a whole week on this one together? 🙂 That can be arranged, sort of like a tag team.
😀
I have always considered myself a truthful person, but have also been guilty of a few fibs throughout the years. I write fiction. Many people don;t understand that good fiction is often closer to the truth than reality.
well written fiction can be closer to the truth than reality. it does make us think. I admit to more than a few fibs. 😉
“YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!” Not really, it just popped into my head as I read the last line in the last paragraph… I’m not sure what they call “blurting” online? I guess this does show a bit of my genuine honesty!
My entire adult life has been a striving to be a man of honor- to do the things that would point to my Father. To be able to be honest when it hurts and costs me dearly.
I’m not saying I’m an expert, but I can say there is nothing more honoring and humbling to God and to us as when we step out on faith in honor and trust in Him to deliver us… He never fails… Ever.
I AM NOT SURE I CAN! I like that you are striving to be a man of honor. We are fools to think it will happen overnight.
I have not been trustworthy in the past and it cost me many relationships. Somehow i thought that ‘hedging’ would make me look better to them — and it end, it just ruined our relationship because it wasnt’ trustworthy.
I really like this book and love your thoughtful analysis of it
I will confess along with you David that I have hedged way too much in the past. It is a constant struggle in the effort to “succeed.” Thanks for your kind words.
Honesty/transparency is so important. It part of our character, our integrity. Once you have lost someones trust, it’s hard to get back. much easier just to keep it, instead of lose it and have to rebuild it.
One thing I hate seeing is miscommunication, where someone just “assumes” things and doesn’t bother to ask. The other party isn’t dealt a fair hand, because they don’t even realize there is an “assumption” that needs addressing until it’s too late. Does that make sense?
You hit on two really important subjects TC: honesty/transparency and communication. It should go without saying about the importance of honesty, although so many have forgotten that (can you say politics and even faith?). As one astute movie character once said, “Assumption is the mother of all mess-ups” (cleaned-up version). Good points.
I could certainly do better in this area of my life. I try to be honest and truthful, but there are those moments when something comes out of my mouth that I immediately know isn’t true. Good challenging post Bill
Thanks Phil. I think we all tend to fall into that boat sometimes.
Trust is so essential. I have found(in my reading and people observation, luckily not through experience) it takes years to build and can be destroyed in second.
At times I do say things that are not 100 percent right/true then right when I say them I think, shoot why did I just say that. I’m still a work in progress.
Trust broken is hard to restore no question. Good that you recognize the hedging Dan.
I’ve been tempted before the hedge and tell half-truths. But my conscience would eat away at me until I had to confess. I’ve had to confess to my boss that I told a lie. I’ve had to confess to my wife. I’ve had to confess a few other times.
After the pain of that, I have a lot more motivation in telling the truth.
It is embarrassing for sure Loren but so important. I also think when they see and know how you react, trust is shored up (unless it is habitual). Well said.
Great post. It’s sad to feel the pressure sometimes as well to present yourself as “always busy” as a pastor, as if a day off would be regarded as backsliding from faith or stealing from the church. You’re so right–much better to be honest and truthful. People will think whatever they will think, but we can have integrity as we serve Him in whatever we do. Thanks Bill.
Thank you for another great discussion! You just keep bringing it. I’ve failed to be truthful at times and regretted it each time. That helps me to think of that, when I want to hedge again. I’ve also been truthful even when it made me look bad. I ask Him about that sometimes. haha! And then accepting the truth told about you . . .it helps if it’s spoken in love!
God bless you as you keep us thinking!