PLEASE WAIT! DON’T TURN AWAY! THIS IS NOT ABOUT EATING AND LOSING CONTROL! IT IS NOT ABOUT WEIGHT LOSS!
IT IS, HOWEVER, ABOUT PATIENCE.
Okay…so now I suppose you are going to turn away because nobody likes to talk about patience. We don’t have the time to talk about patience. 🙂 This is week #2 in my discussion with Jon “Stretched” Stolpe as we blog about Love Works by Joel Manby. Make sure you check out Jon’s entry.
Last week we talked about Love as it relates to Leadership. The idea of leading by/with love is foreign to some people, largely, I think, due to our predisposition that leadership is taking the bull by the horns. Granted there are times when that is absolutely necessary. But love does not lay down and die, nor does it become a doormat for people to walk on. Today’s entry shows how love exhibits patience as a leadership quality. I like what Joel says:
In the context of leading with love, embracing patience is not about ignoring poor performance. Ever. No experienced leader would tolerate that. When leading with love, the principle of patience means behaving with self-control in difficult situations.
BINGO! Let me ask you a question (okay two): Have you ever been reprimanded in public for making a mistake? Have you ever reprimanded someone in public for making a mistake? Accountability is a good thing, however, there is a time and place for it. I don’t want my accountability partner airing my dirty laundry in public so everyone else can hear it. Do you realize who much we “kill the spirit” of work and “grieve the spirit” of that individual when we take it public? A person’s dignity is worth a whole lot more than that.
Joel gives a great example from the movie Gettysburg. I found it here. It is just over 4 minutes long and if you have time it will be well worth your viewing. Joel goes on to say: “This scene epitomizes the role patience plays in leading with love. Lee could have done many things with Stuart: cursed him, confronted him in the middle of camp, minimized his skills and talents, and so on. Instead, the way Lee handled his wayward protege is a model for how every leader should approach criticism.”
We all want to be treated with dignity and respect. I know of no person who doesn’t. Leading with love involves patience (self-control). How are you at displaying this? Have you been reprimanded in public? How did it affect you? I’d love to hear what you think.
I am posting at my normal time of 8:00 p.m. Jon will post in the morning. Make sure you check it out.
Self-control is the name of the game. I cannot say or do everything I would like in my leadership position.
You got that right Larry.
Bill, great thoughts. I’ll look at it from a slightly different angle when my post goes live tomorrow at 5AM EST. Here’s the quick link for my post: http://wp.me/p27Qjv-PR
Saw your angle Jon and commented. I like how you approached it.
O.K., so I am still confused. What is your definition of love? What is the difference between love and kindness or between love and respect or between love and professionalism.
In a tangential remark, I have often heard the expression “we treat you like family”. This is kin and kith to your statements on love I think. I can tell you that my own family have dealt me some of the deepest, most horrific blows I have ever suffered.
Good questions Daniel. Love encompasses those qualities (kindness, respect, etc). If a person doesn’t lead with those qualities or even show them, it gives a serious right to question their “love.” as for the family, know what you mean.
Gettysburg is a great movie that shows a lot of examples of fine leadership. I love that film.
Leading requires patience on levels that I think disqualifies many from being leaders. You have to suppress that tendency to jump right away when things so crosseyed and it’s very hard to do.
I have never seen Gettysburg but have seen Gods & Generals. You are right about how leadership requires patience…a quality we all excel in (cough cough).
I don’t think I have ever been reprimanded in public. Nor was that ever my style in reprimanding people I managed. But I do know successful leaders that do have a rather in your face out of control style. Bobby Knight and General Patton were both notorious for that style. Even Jesus took a rather “loveless” approach to the money changers in the temple. I think successful management is too complicated to reduce to a “Love is the answer” solution.
You make a good point Jeff. The one thing I would say is that both Knight and Patton’s style had serious backlash. i agree with you about the “love is the answer” comment. There are still 8 weeks left and each week will show a different aspect of love as it works in leadership.
The backlash was not in their ability to succeed and win the admiration and respect of those that followed them. The backlash had to do with their “following” skills. Great leaders sometimes don’t make good followers.
Understand. Certainly agree with you on that about following skills.
As I think about my leadership style, I tend to more often have problems NOT confronting people. I’m pretty patient. But I need to learn when it’s appropriate to step up and talk to someone about an issue. I guess there’s a difference between patience and passivity.
That is a fine line Loren. most would prefer to overlook rather than confront. And yes, there is a difference. Joel even mentions that in the first quote.
As a teacher, I make a point to never criticize students in public. I teach public speaking. I’ve always hesitated in doing verbal reviews of individual speeches in class, but I think I’m getting closer to being able to do that with the right attitude and focus to uplift each student. I might try it next year.
There is a time and place for “criticism.” The kind done for a speech has a different “feel” than blasting someone in public. Course that depends on your attitude when you do you critical analysis.
Dang that’s hard to do. I do a fairly good job of being self controlled and not overreacting in the moment but my problem is that I forget to follow up. I cool down and then my fear of confrontation sinks in. This leadership stuff ain’t easy.
No it ain’t easy. And yes it is hard to do. Fear of following up is huge, especially when you give yourself some time to cool down. Thanks for commenting Rob.
I have to confess that I’m not good at taking public criticism. It has shaped my life and brought me to where I am in business. My pride made me vow it. I also have lacked self control in many areas of my life including criticizing others in work settings.
I’ve come a long way from the early days realizing that treating people with a lack of respect makes them short timers. Treating people and teaching them well makes them long term relationships.
The leader that lacks wisdom which will manifest itself in self control will face difficulties continuously until they lose their position or find that most important ingredient of wisdom…
I’m not good at it either Floyd. In a small trusted group I can handle it, but not in public. I like your idea of “treating people with a lack of respect makes them short timers.” That is so true! Thanks for your honest comment.
In the book, when he talks about self control, it’s a fruit of the spirit of love. A loving person will engage every situation with patient understanding. And this is very hard in a work environment when we are all pushed for time and efficiency and results mean everything
THAT is a great explanation David. You said it better than I did. 🙂
Recently my pastor finished a series on the Fruit of the Spirit. When we got to gentleness he said it was “power under control.” He also linked it to self control.
For me, I have to pray God helps me be quick to listen and slow to speak…even if it’s to edify someone. I must fully engage in listening before speaking.
Great thought TC. Dan Erickson (see comment above) had a great post about listening.
I really like that: I don’t have time to talk about patience. 🙂 I might steal that one! And I like the thought here too. You deal with things in love and exercise patience to see the changes take place. I know that has to come from God and His Spirit in me because I don’t have it naturally. Good stuff, Bill. Thank you.
You have my permission jason. Every once in a while I come up with something. 😛 I agree about it coming from God. I certainly don’t have it naturally. Thanks for coming by.
Being chastised or confronted in public is a terrible thing. I never do it, because I know how bad it feels. Also, when you embarrass someone like that, they don’t learn and they don’t respect your opinion. I don’t believe you can be a true leader without love and patience. Thanks Bill.
Totally agree with you Mike. I don’t like it so try not to do it to others. People have trouble coming back from being embarrassed.
Yes I have been reprimanded with others around, once and I did it once to a woman. Felt worst when I unloaded on her. The Holy spirit was all over me to go apoligize, thanks God she forgave me when I did. To this day I can recall those two times and the feelings that went with them. Pride drives patience right out the window. Pride is not even tackful let alone patience. Pride does not care the other person has a problem and show it by not really listening to them. I’m with TC…being slow to speak and quick to listen would be one virture I would want a leader to have. When I have a problem I want that leader to look me in the eye and stay engaged with what I am saying, that shows me they care. Easy to get so busy we think we have no time to be patience. Shows we are too busy or we need for others to think we are busy because we think our life is more important. Listening skills can taught, there are some great resouces out there. Good post brother.
You are right Betty. It is no fun either way. Pride is a big issue with this type of behavior. That is why love leading is so different. Listening more is definitely a key to being a better leader.
Patience and self-control are definitely two things that leaders need . .and that I need His help with! They are present in my life, but I have to have extra in my situation. 🙂 Thanks for helping us and God bless you!
It is present in my life also Deb, but it gets “lost” sometimes when needed most. 🙂
I get reprimanded for my thoughts all the time on FB…it’s a wonder I’m still stuck in there. lol
And people wonder why I am not on fb. 🙂