Written by cycleguy on March 18th, 2013

I’m b-a-a-a-a-ck!  You missed me I know.  😀  While I did not go on vacation, I did take a day away (more like a night) from Spencer.  I am not asking for sympathy, believe me, but it was needed.  I have been blessed with a gentle (but sometimes firm) wife who understands the demands placed upon my time as a pastor.  For almost 40 years (June 16) we have been married and ministering together.  While the past year or so has been fun as I have watched God do some amazing things in our church family, I am ashamed to admit I have allowed my marriage to take a back seat from time to time.  I’m not proud of that…AT ALL.  Combine that with family stuff; work-related garbage (hers); a renovation project at the church that lasted all last summer;  more family stuff; and it sort of “just happened.”  We have been, for way too long, like ships passing in the night.

God has been blessing the church I pastor abundantly.  You can see the renovation project on the church web site if you haven’t already seen it.  We started working toward that in the Fall of 2011 and watched it come to fruition in the Summer of 2012.  Since then it has been a wild ride.  AND I AM NOT COMPLAINING.  God has blessed us in countless ways.

Paying cash for the renovation.

Hiring Ryan as our full-time youth pastor.  (Something we had been working and praying for close to 2 years).

Watching a newly renovated facility become full (which requires talk of two services and/or a new building). 

Reveling in new people attending, and older attendees becoming more active and more excited.

Meeting with members of the Building Team to put together a Master Plan for our 5 acre campus. 

Mentoring and spending time with Ryan, as well as others.

Studying, reading, counseling, preaching, teaching, etc.  (All part of the job so I am not complaining).

Trying to coordinate everything with a very efficient secretary (whose efficiency will put me to shame).  🙂

But somewhere along the way, I lost sight of the one person who means more to me on earth than anyone else. The woman who goes to work at the BMV (yeah the person you love to hate); puts up with more c**p than any one person ought to; all to make sure we have insurance (especially pricey since we are “old”).  I am also ashamed to admit that getting away was not my idea…it was hers…said in a text of her frustration with me and my lack of time.

So we got away…only for a night, but it was a start. We attended a church we enjoy; heard Kerry & Chris Shook (a total surprise); and then took our time coming back to town Monday.

Nothing meaty in today’s text, just a warning/encouragement.  Take time for each other.  Don’t allow yourselves to get “lost.”  If you are a pastor’s family, MAKE TIME.  Encourage your pastor to make time.  We are not (in spite of what we think) invulnerable. And you don’t have to be a pastor’s family to heed this message.



28 Comments so far ↓

  1. Bill, I just got back from the funeral home. A lady who had been married to her husband about 48 years had an aneurysm this weekend and passed away. We definitely need to take time for each other.

  2. Daniel says:

    O.K., so a simple questions jumps into my mind. Is a single night with your wife the best you could do? Why don’t you plan a week-long get away together away from all of the usual stuff? There are a number of options that can be pursued where you don’t have to mortgage your house to go somewhere. The more you focus on other people, the weaker your relationship will become.

    I know all of this too well. There is a reason that I am now single when I used to have a wife. It is so easy to make excuses.

    • cycleguy says:

      I read your comment last night and told Jo about it. Told her to read my post and then your comment. She chuckled. i see your point Daniel and wish it was that easy. 🙂 But I do know what you are saying.

      • Daniel says:

        You obviously know a heck of a lot more about relationships than I do. So it is probably wise to disregard anything I say. (smiles)

        • cycleguy says:

          I never disregard a person’s comment. I can learn from anyone and everyone. I know you have been down a rough road so it means even more that you would lend some thought/advice.

  3. Betty Draper says:

    Good reminder brother. I can still hear my husband telling our new son in law to practice spending money on a date with his wife, take a vacation, even if its just a weekend. He grew us in Brazil, parents worked in a remote tribal location so he did not get to see it practice much. He took Ace to his word and now he has learned to enjoy taking a break. Of course that meant Ace has to practice what he preached..hehe.

    I think Daniel makes a good point. Just saying.

    • cycleguy says:

      Ace was a wise man telling his son-in-law those words. Sounds like he practiced what he preached…you made sure of that. As to your last sentence: I smell a CONSPIRACY! You must have called Jo. 🙂

  4. I love it! I’m so glad you listened to your wife. 🙂 Loved seeing your church, too. This psychologist recommends a regular date night. Does your wife love me?? 🙂

    • cycleguy says:

      She will love you & i will make sure she reads it! 🙂 Glad you loved seeing our renovation. It is so much more in person. Thanks melanie for coming by.

  5. floyd says:

    I hear you loud and clear, Bill. Thanks for the reminder… I’m overdue… We tend to so take for granted the best gift God has given to us in this flesh…

  6. David Rupert says:

    I would love to meet her one day — and you. After reading this, I made a reservation and we’re going to get away ourselves…even for a night. It’ll do our hearts good

  7. Ben says:

    Great advise. I always say the best way to love my kids is to love my wife well. S it is with a church body as well. God bless you guys abundantly


    • cycleguy says:

      I have always heard that and said it also Ben. When the kids are gone it is often easy to let things slide. I let ’em. Thanks for your blessings.

  8. Always an appreciated reminder. We guys can be so clueless. My 14th anniversary is tomorrow and I’m so thankful for my wife. We are so blessed to have family around who will let the kids stay the night so we can have a night out here and there. My marriage relationship is the top relationship under the one with God. Great reminder, Bill. Thanks.

  9. cycleguy says:

    Good to hear you are taking the time for your marriage. That says a lot about priorities (even if your wife instigated it–you followed through!). It reminds me of a speaker I heard on LifeToday with James Robison. The guest was Jimmy Evans who was promoting his book “Lifelong Love Affair” but more importantly promoting something he called “vision retreats” for married couples. He had started doing this many years ago after hearing it from another Godly man and says that it can only strengthen and help any marriage. He recommends the two of you going away for 3-4 days to pray and talk about EVERY area of your lives together–spirituality, schedule, job, kids, sex, money, church, etc…. and to pray and talk until you both hear the same thing from God about it. He says that there may be some initial arguments but if you keep praying and talking you seek to answer why God put you together and what He wants you to achieve together. He calls it proactive communication and says in a Biblical marriage, no one loses. He has a workbook also that lists all the potential areas to cover and record goals and answers. Marriage involves work if it is going to not just survive, but thrive. Keep up the good work, Bill.

    Sally attends OVCF.

  10. I see what you mean but I definitely don’t see it as a pastor thing. I see it as a human thing. Time and again I see couples, both husband and wife, getting caught up in jobs, kids, extended family, even hobbies…making time for everything and everyone but the one person on earth we are to be adamant about teaming up with.

    …hmmmmm….I wonder….

  11. Debbie says:

    Wonderful advice! I think it must be harder for pastors and families than others, so praying for you and Jo more get aways! God bless you!

  12. Glad your time away was restful. I’m often really driven and focused on career and ministry stuff, and it just seems so easy to neglect the family. I think regularly reviewing my life – all facets of it – can help you realize problems before they get out of hand. You can use your brain to see things instead of waiting until they get so overwhelming they’re “felt” – if that makes sense.

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