I am a person of feelings. I make no apology for that. I sometimes have trouble making the separation between empathy and taking on the person’s pain. I’m a good listener (have become one over time), but sometimes not a good counselor because I “feel” too much. I sometimes get taken for a ride because my heart engages without the “discernment radar” going up.
That is not all bad. Nor is that all good. I need to find a balance.
I’m reading a book right now which I hope to tell you more about later this week. That will depend on how much time I find to read with a schedule which already looks like a blur. 🙂 Anyway, I’d like to share a quote from that book which really got me thinking:
To feel is to be vulnerable. To believe vulnerability is weakness it to believe that feeling is weakness. To foreclose on our emotional life out of a fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing that gives purpose and meaning to living. Dr. Irene Brown as quoted in “Not Marked” by Mary Demuth (p.66)
It would be dead wrong for me to try (I have) to turn off my feelings. I am an emotional creature. I engage in just about everything I am involved in. I very seldom take a sideline approach. That includes caring.
I can’t stop. I won’t stop. God made me that way.
What about you? Do you feel or are you more withdrawn?
I think now more than ever anyone who “cares a little” is becoming “concerned a lot”. Its important to care. Two things come to mind when I think of the question above:
1. Evil prospers when good men (and women) do nothing. Responsibility for at least a good portion of the moral and ethical degradation of this country falls on the past couple of generations. Defense of righteousness, proper parenting, and the refuting of evil activity all were silenced because people wanted to mind their own business, be passive, or refuse to start problems in society. A withdrawl from the fight is not a tactical form of offense.
2. On the flipside, picking up a newspaper, logging on to the internet, or turning on the television will strain your emotions these days. War, killing, corruption, lust, sinful lifestyles- the list goes on. In some ways it is good to be withdrawn a little, or at least to filter the inputs into your emotions.
Andy it is good to hear from you. I look forward to spending some time visiting soon. You are on the money with your assessment. We can’t not care. Your last statement speaks of discernment about what we care about. Thanks for the contribution.
Thank you Bill. Barring any changes to your schedule (or mine) I will probably stop by tomorrow morning. Look forward to seeing you.
Have it on my calendar.
I am an emotional person and given the fact that I am not a good actor, it is pretty clear what my mood is just by observing me for a second. Some have termed my emotional makeup as a weakness, that I am less a man because I have feelings that show so easily. I will never apologize for who I am and how I am wired.
I make no apologies for being emotional Daniel. I also do not see it as a weakness in showing how I’m wired. those saying you are less of a man are actually further away from being one than you are. Keep being who you are.
God gave us feelings. It’s quite alright to have them.
They do, sometimes, keep us from getting ahead (acquiring more unto ourselves).
But, that’s ok, too.
totally agree Stephen. God did give them to us…for a reason.
I very seldom am withdrawn and have been told you never have to guess what I am thinking or feeling. Unless we are vulnerable we will never know the freedom to feel love, joy, peace, longsuffering and all the other wonderful things of the Spirit. For sure it’s a risk and with all risk there is that chance we will be hurt. Knowing where to take our hurt feelings is another thing that is freeing. I love how Paul said, I am what I am by the grace of God. He killed Jews without any feelings, till God came in a light to free him from his non feeling. If Jesus and Paul could risk feeling, it’s good enough for me. Good post brother.
I think you and I would get along well Betty. There might not be any silence though! 🙂 I agree there is nothing wrong with feelings.
I had a situation when I was in middle school that was traumatic. My dad told me not to talk about it. I learned through this to not let people know how I feel. Slowly over the years, I’ve gotten better, but I’m still a work in progress.
Glad you are slowly coming out of that mindset Larry. There is too much hiding.
I feel a tremendous amount…that’s why I withdraw.
So good to hear from you Jason! i was thinking of you the other day (but not near a computer to drop you a note). Unfortunately, there are those who feel too much and withdraw to “save themselves.” I’m not a counselor to be able to say much more. Least you feel.
Yes. It depends on the situation. At times I think I’m great at feeling but then some things are so distant from me that I’m withdrawn. For example I prayed for the Ukraine for first time today. I had heard stuff was going on but it didn’t sink in until I saw pictures.
Thanks for the prayers, Rob. I believe the millions of prayers uttered during these three months are what has changed the situation in my country. (I live in Ukraine.)
I am the same way Rob about the situation. I struggle, for example, feeling sorry for someone who abuses the system or drugs, etc but wants money. As for Ukraine, Zee says it all.
I am a feeling person, and understand completely what you said at the start. Although feelings can be good and we need to have empathy, we also need to know when to turn them off if being bamboozled.
Finding the discernment to not be bamboozled is the hard part for me.
The first phrase of the quote reminded me of my favorite C.S. Lewis quote, “To love is to be vulnerable.”
I was thinking / discussing it with Sam the other day… I think my mind went into some kind of an emotional hideout or something. Considering the tremendous rollercoaster of last week, when on Tuesday – Thursday, we thought war is starting right in my city and over 100 people were killed… to the Friday and weekend when suddenly everything changed 180 degrees, and now the president has been impeached (and no one knows where he is)… I probably will write more about it on my blog tonight, because I just need to get it out of my head…
But yeah… I feel as if I am not capable of feeling anything at the moment. (Granted, the only feeling that has been left is love for my Sam. That is good…)
I am praying for cooler heads to prevail and peace and resolution to come to your country. The first start was impeachment and resignation of his officers. Oh, having love left for Sam is good. 🙂
I used to feel way more than I do now. Because my feelings took me down a depressed and suicidal path, I eventually learned to become more withdrawn. Because my feelings led to being hurt and too exposed, I shut myself off from others. I’m here to tell you that neither extreme is healthy. Even though I still have trouble not getting pulled into the drama of others, I have somehow found a way to do so without addressing my feelings. That’s not good either. Leads me to depression every time. Balance, as you said, is the key. I’m working on that. I’m working on a more balmy inner self that allows for a more consistent and balance outer life.
You express my point exactly Kari. neither extreme is healthy. I can see you being a great asset to others because you do care but also know the lines.
My gate seems to swing very wide in both directions. I can be kind and caring, almost actually feeling the pain riding in another’s shoes. Then there are times when I can be scary cold.
The season we live in depends, at least for me, on how close I’m walking and striving toward our Father. If He has love, grace, and humility to grant to all the ones that mock and reject Him, surely I can over look the ones that hurt. I have to remind myself that they are the hurting.
Does that make you are a swinger? 😛 I think you hit on something about the season we are in Floyd. Closeness to the Father does make us more sensitive to His leading.
Oh yeah, I’m very emotional and seem to be getting more emotional with each passing year. 🙂 Like you said, I don’t see it as a weakness. Jesus was consistently moved with compassion. I think the difference there and what I want to see more fully expressed in my life, was that Jesus not only expressed a sorrow for what someone was going through but was so united and connected to the Father that He brought heaven into their situation. Having my emotions submitted to God so that He can direct them–that’s my heart and what I desire! Thank you, Bill.
Taking our cue from Jesus is not a bad thing Jason. I prefer to be moved with compassion than be hard-hearted. Thanks for the comment.
Feelings seems to be a popular topic.
Apparently. 🙂
I’m both. When I worked as an ER RN, I had to learn to disconnect some, to remain detached so the pain wouldn’t overwhelm me.
But I can’t be that way in other areas of my life.
I have been taken more than once because of my feelings, but that’s okay. I’d rather be hurt than hurt someone else.
But sometimes that can be easier said than done.