NotMarked

Written by cycleguy on March 4th, 2014

Several posts last week (here and here) I alluded to the book entitled Not Marked by Mary Demuth. I had hoped to finish it last week and post a review for you, but life happened. 🙂

I know the subject of sexual abuse is not a popular one, nor is it a “fun” one to write or talk about. After being a pastor for more than 40 years, I know ugly things exist, but often find myself uninformed or unable to help. Sexual abuse is an example of both. There is so much to consider, so many ramifications of it, so many manifestations, so many “angles” to consider in helping, I find myself struggling to know what to say or what to do to help. Mary’s book is the first book I found so practical in so many of those areas. She writes from experience. After being repeatedly raped at the age of five by two brothers and then betrayed by her babysitter (the mother of the boys) when she told her, Mary hid the act for 10 years. This book fills us in on what happened in her personal journey; how coming to Christ didn’t solve the issue; how speaking about it didn’t resolve it; how getting married didn’t stop the unwanted feelings; and more. What I really liked was hearing Patrick’s (her husband of 23 years) take. His input was valuable.

I honestly cannot recommend this book enough. I wish I had had this years ago. I was in my early 30s when I heard a lady speaker say to a group of pastors (I was one) that statistics reveal 2 out of 3 women in our churches have been molested, sexually abused in some way. I scoffed until within a week after the conference I had 3 women tell me in confidence they had been. My eyes were opened wide.  Sadly, I had little knowledge and little I could help them with. While I would still fall woefully short, I have found a good resource to help me understand their pain.

One last thing: hurting people hurt people. One thing Mary points out is the tragedy of passing pain along and the need to stop the cycle. If you are a pastor, you must get this book. (I just bought 2 copies to give away and 3 to keep on hand). If you are a friend to someone who has been abused, you must get this book! If you have been abused, you must get this book (and some help). Well done Mary!!

 

22 Comments so far ↓

  1. Betty Draper says:

    Heading over to Amazon to get it for my kindle. Usually this are not the kind of book I enjoy to read but I NEED to read. We deal with this issue a lot so am open to any good book out there on the subject. Thanks brother.

  2. Daniel says:

    It is critical to better understand what happens in the “real” world to gain perspective and to be prepared when you come across it. I can appreciate how someone in your profession needs to be prepared for some many ugly things.

    • cycleguy says:

      You bring up a good point Daniel about the “real” world. An effective pastor needs to, especially given the bubble we tend to live in.

  3. Andy says:

    This subject is all to common and it was painful just to read your post. This book should be a path of hope for others in the way you describe it.

    Reading about sexual abuse or children with cancer or another horrible disease is just more than I can take. My wife can watch movies about the stuff, but its to much for me.

    As for the sexual abuse…The only thing I could ever say is that its so ugly and it truly shows how merciful our God is when states that only one sin is unforgivable.

    • cycleguy says:

      It is painful to read or hear about Andy. I do hope it is a path of hope. As for the movies? I can only watch so many of a subject and none of others. I am personally glad for God’s grace and His forgiveness.

  4. I don’t doubt that many people we see everyday are abused and we would be shocked if we knew.

  5. Zee says:

    This book fills us in on what happened in her personal journey; how coming to Christ didn’t solve the issue; how speaking about it didn’t resolve it; how getting married didn’t stop the unwanted feelings; and more. – sounds like an honest book…

    I am wary of those who say that they have found Christ and everything was great, and they lived happily ever after… Like you said in the beginning, “life happens.” It is true that being found by God is an incredible miracle which helps and encourages and gives hope, yet there are still issues that we, people, struggle with even after we become saved. (And struggling with those doesn’t mean that we’re failures as Christians. It just means that we’re not [yet] perfect.)

    • cycleguy says:

      It is a very, very honest book Zee. She doesn’t give any easy answers either. And i agree with you about the issues we still face, even after deciding to follow Jesus.

  6. Eileen says:

    The statistics are so high. I have many friends who have been through this. Mary’s book looks great.

    • cycleguy says:

      Please consider it for yourself to start. Read it and then share it with those who can use it. You will be glad you did. It helped me see through different glasses.

  7. As one who lived through a childhood of abuse (by my father) I know firsthand, both the pain abuse cases and the freedom that comes when God enters your heart. I don’t describe myself as a victim of abuse, but rather a son of Father God. It was forgiveness that set me free…forgiving my dad set me on a course of redemption and restoration… the wounds can heal.

    Adding the book to my wish list today brother…thanks for making us aware of it!

    • cycleguy says:

      She has absolutely fantastic chapter or two on forgiveness Jay. Powerful actually. I asked my youth pastor to read it since he is trying to help someone going through this and he wept. And oH, I like your approach of being a son of Father God.

  8. Thanks for the great review. What a needed resource in so many ways. Thank you, Bill.

  9. floyd says:

    The vileness of this world makes my stomach turn. May God use Mary’s book to help heal His children.

  10. Jan says:

    Bad, bad subject, but very important to be informed about. It’s great to know this book exists. Thanks for posting Bill.

  11. Betty Draper says:

    Got my copy on my kindle to day, already started the read and already thought of a couple people I want to give it to. Also our member care team is always looking for books to help people with, I am recommending this one. Thanks again for bringing this book to our attention.

  12. Mary DeMuth says:

    I’m so humbled and grateful for these comments. Thanks for interacting with this issue in such an honest way.