When I was a kid I used to pretend. I pretended I was the Lone Ranger. I pretended I was Mike Nelson from Sea Hunt. (Yeah, I know I’m showing my age). I pretended I was the hero of the baseball team: pitched no-hitters and hit home runs. As I got older the games continued. Star basketball player. Famous preacher. MacGyver in real life. For full disclosure: none…NONE…of those ever happened.
I also pretended to know it all. I’m not proud of that but in an effort to foster honesty, I had to put it out there. Stone #1 in the book 46 Stones deals with pretending to see completely and clearly. One of the “brands” of a legalist is the pretense of knowing everything, especially doctrinally. You know the old ditty: “Us four, no more, shut the door.” I was right and all others were wrong. It was ugly. Scary. Sad. Damning. It certainly is nothing to be proud of.
God has changed that about me. Grace has changed that. It is okay to have convictions, but even those can be handled with grace and love. The key for all of this is this:
God is not as small as my understanding of things. Nor of a church. Nor of a denomination. (pp.17-18)
My height of arrogance knew no bounds. I “peacocked” my beliefs. I boldly proclaimed my narrow, opinionated, legalistic views. I have often wished I could go back and apologize to the people from those churches which I hurt because of my arrogance. But I can’t turn back the hands of time. I can only influence the future. Any thoughts?
A few weeks ago I wrote this post. This is the first in a series of random installments about this book.
It’s funny how the more we know, we actually realize how little we know.
You hit the nail on the head Larry. You are exactly right.
Makes me wonder what your wife was attracted to. Was she disappointed when you changed?
First, I was different in marriage than in the church. Second, this attitude came later after we were married. I was (and still am) an all-around nice guy. 🙂 🙂 🙂 Hope you had a good vacation Jeff!
It is tough having the shadow of past mistakes hanging over you, especially when you can’t make it right with the people that your affected or hurt or turned. I suppose the only path forward is to have a more positive effect on those you encounter in the present and the future …
You say it well Daniel. I have had my “say” with God over it and it is now at your exact point: making a positive effect now.
When I was a kid, I loved playing secret agents. My friends and I would put on our Sunday suits and pretend to be agents of her Majesty’s Secret Service. It could be well over 90 degrees outside, but there we were, dressed as cool as any 007 Bond character.
Eventually, we would be called in from the field by our superiors (our Moms) and questioned about our critical …umm, intelligence
I think God does the same thing…and good thing He does!
I can see that picture Jay! I like your “critical intelligence” comment. 🙂 And yes, it is a good thing God does that.
Hi Bill! Oh man, this is totally me too. I thought I knew everything, and wasn’t shy about sharing my (lack of) wisdom. It embarrasses me to this day. How could I have been so self righteous?
Truly people with an abundance of wisdom have an abundance of humility too. i wish I knew that way back when. I sure hope I have left that behind me. I think that’s the important thing. If you know it was misdirected, and take the steps to cooperate with grace, what else can you/we do? God forgives, and we have to stop looking back…that’s not where the future is.
On to better days!
Ceil
I lacked humility Ceil so I obviously lacked wisdom also. I think we are all in the same boat in wishing we knew “back then.” the important thing, as you state, is to know God forgives and look ahead.
I agree that it’s certainly fine to have convictions and beliefs, but no way we should act like know-it-alls. The older I get, the less I know that I know. 🙂 Love how God just keeps getting bigger and bigger.
Blessings, Bill!
I have found that out also Martha. I know so much less than i thought I did.
I think it’s a process of nature as well. As young people we’re fully convinced we have it all figured out, but as we get older, we realize how little we actually know. I’m quite astonished at times how little I know! But at the same time, what I DO know becomes so much deeper in meaning and application. Good thoughts, Bill. Thank you!
Great way to look at it Jason. What I DO know is deeper in meaning and application. Totally agree. Thanks.
It’s amazing how God can use the ugly days to bring beauty to the current ones. I always appreciate your honesty and conviction, Bill. That’s the tender heart of our Father inside of yours.