I am on vacation this week. See here. My guest today is Dr. Melanie Wilson (but I don’t know if she likes having that “doctor” part publicized. Melanie is one of my newer blogs I read. We have been following each other for about two months. She actually has two blogs. You can read about Melanie and her blogs at the end of this post. Here’s Melanie:
I’ve been a member of the same church for more than twenty years. I’ve been a rush-out-the-door-after-church pew sitter, a staff member, and everything in-between.
I have to be honest and admit that there have been many, many times when I haven’t been happy with my church. In fact, I’ve shed many tears of frustration and disappointment.
At these times of disillusionment, I’ve shared my feelings with Christian friends. The advice given by many of them has been to attend church where I can be fed. In other words, I should go to a church where I can hear the Word preached in a way that helps me grow spiritually.
That sounded so good to me! I wanted to learn the things of God and be inspired the way I was when I read great Christian books and heard sermons on the radio. Why should I be starving for spiritual food in my own church? I had the go-ahead to look for a new church home, didn’t I?
There was a problem with this philosophy other than my husband’s reluctance to change churches and my love for so many of the people I worshiped with: it wasn’t biblical.
Never had Jesus told His disciples to go where they could be fed. In fact, God Himself is named the source of our spiritual food (Deuteronomy 8:3). I didn’t need to go to church to feed on the Word. I could and did do that at home and everywhere I went, courtesy of mobile devices that delivered challenging teaching.
But the truth about God being the source of spiritual nourishment isn’t what bothered me most about my well-meaning friends’ advice. It was what Jesus told Peter: “Feed my sheep.” Not “Go and be fed,” but “feed others.”
If I were a brand-new Christian, I would need spiritual nourishment for sure. But I’m not. I’m a woman God has blessed with a great banquet of spiritual food over the years. I’ve been fed. My calling is to feed the sheep.
And so now I ask the Lord how best to provide spiritual nourishment to His people and I am at peace. There are no more tears of frustration, only gratitude that I am allowed to participate in the Lord’s banquet.
How about you? Do you feel it’s important to find a church where you can be fed? Or are you blessed to be feeding the sheep?
Dr. Melanie Wilson is a Christian psychologist turned homeschooling mother of six. She shares quick-to-read encouragement at The Inspired Day and sanity-saving ideas for Christians and homeschoolers at Psychowith6.
Great post, Melanie. You hit on something that I believe is the root cause of all of our problems. It is the same problem that has plagued the world since the Garden; self.
Our first natural response to any problem is to have someone else fix it for us. To be there for us, give us what we need. It’s the disease of humanity. When we seek our Father in study and scripture with urgent diligence our world comes into a proper focus. We see the need of others and like Peter, we learn to feed sheep, but that feeding is like “teaching a man to fish.” Once they grasp that it’s about God first and others second life begins to have peace and joy. Great perspective. Thanks.
Floyd, thanks for the welcome. You have a great insight! I’m so thankful not to be in constant distress about what’s going on in my church. I pray that others will find that peace and joy.
I have thought deeply about the very topic that you have posted on here today. In fact I wrote a 4-part blog called “Big Church” (if you are interested see http://dancarman.blogspot.com/2011/02/big-church-i.html for the first part (from Feb. 2011). The remaining three parts were posted on subsequent days. I wrote this series because I had become miserable in the church that I once was so passionate about. I prayed long and hard before I made a change. That change was totally right for me and I sense (although I could be wrong) that I was led to the first church and then led to my new church.
Great post today. Who needs Bill anyway? (smiles)
I definitely need Bill! 🙂 It’s been a privilege to get to know him.
Daniel, I will read your series. It sounds great. I’ve known people whom God has led to change churches. I have no problem with that. I would have had no problem leaving mine if I had felt the Lord’s leading. But I didn’t and still don’t. That’s the key, don’t you think? So glad the Lord led you to the right church home for you and His purposes.
I would say that if something gets in the way of my relationship with God, I need to make some changes. Sometimes minor course corrections are called for, and sometimes getting on an entirely different boat is necessary.
Mel – excuse me, Dr. Mel (my wife is also a psychologist who usually eschews the title) – well done. I have to confess to having been guilty of consumer churching instead of applying what I already knew. Thanks for being another member of the waitstaff 🙂
Hey, Rick, I’m in a houseful of kids who don’t think I’m worthy of the title, so I’ll take it today! 🙂 That’s neat your wife is a psychologist, too. I like that you recognize what I’m suggesting: if the problem applies to you, ponder it. If not, don’t.
Fantastic!!! I stayed in a church that I wanted to leave much longer than I wanted to. I only left because things came to a point where I had to. I wanted to be fed but, like you, I didn’t think I should leave for that reason.
Thanks for the comment, Larry. There can absolutely be other reasons for leaving a church. I think it’s wonderful that you see the difference.
I generally just don’t comment on blogs that are filled with Jesus speak. I don’t want to offend anyone and distract from what some may find uplifting. But today I make an exception. Why? Because I think I agree with the point that the good Dr. is trying to make. I am not a theist and prefer not to think of myself as a sheep that needs to be herded and managed by a shepherd. I have no desire to find a church whether good or bad to lean on for my well being. But I do very much feel that we all need to do whatever we can to ease the unhappiness, for whatever reason, of our fellow primates. And when I find an opportunity to do that, it makes me Happy. And that is why I agree with the gist of the point.
Jeff, thanks for commenting. I think you would find us Christians more appealing if we were more focused on serving others.
Actually, I think that in order to feed the sheep we need to be fed. I spent a lot of years feeding without being fed, and that eventually led to burnout followed by condemnation from other sheep who felt I had fallen from grace.
Susan, I do agree with you. If you aren’t getting spiritual nourishment from somewhere, you’ll have a hard time recognizing if you’re in an unhealthy church. It sounds like that’s where you were. I hope you’re in a good place now.
Thanks, Melanie. I am in a healthy, healing place now. Thankful for that.
If we have grown past the baby and teenage stage of our Christianity we need to be helping others grow which helps us grow more like Jesus. God has put us in so many place where getting fed depended on us getting into the Word personally. It’s the Holy Spirit role to bring back to remembrance what Jesus taught. We have our instructions from Him, go feed my sheep. Feeding sheep is draining and those feeding must get fed too to keep up their strength. So it is important to be in a church where at times you get fed yourself.
Missionaries coming home can’t wait to just sit and soak in good messages, encouraging music for they have given and given out till they are drained. If you travel a lot to report to your supporters that means you are still given out. Being fed should motivate us to give out, if it doesn’t then there has to be a spiritual reason for not wanting to help feed the sheep. Good post.
Thanks for your thoughts, Betty. I agree that we have to be encouraged as sheep feeders, too. I’ve found that this encouragement doesn’t necessarily happen for me in the pew though. There are wonderful resources, groups, and friendships to be had outside the sanctuary. However, if you can find a church that feeds you while you are feeding the sheep, praise the Lord! I just had to stop looking for it to have peace.
God most certainly gives us wisdom and discernment if we will ask. There are reasons to leave a congregation, but God should have the word on it, not just following our fears, emotions, frustrations, or whatever else. I think most of it comes down to living in a consumerist culture that has infected the Western church so much. Our needs can be met, but we run after other things. Just need that discernment! Thanks Melanie. Great post.
Jason, I think the consumerist culture is definitely a factor here. I certainly cannot judge others who want to leave a church though. As you say, God gives discernment. It’s always good to ask ourselves which voice is speaking the loudest. Thank you so much for adding to this discussion! Bill has a wonderful group of readers.
We all need to be fed, but being fed is no one’s responsibility but our own. It’s not the pastor’s or the SS teacher’s or the board’s… it’s our own responsibility. Now, leaders are to be offering opportunities for feeding, certainly, and they will be held accountable for what they teach, but I think we can always get something out of any message. I have felt the way you did Melanie, and my response was to feed myself as much as possible and to be filled up before going to church, so I could serve. Of course, having a full-gospel church is essential in this. I’ve just had to learn the hard way the my spiritual state is no one’s responsibility but my own, and no one else is going to determine the state of my walk.
I agree with you, Kari. I do want to recognize that it’s important to discern if you’re receiving teaching that is opposed to the Gospel. I would have no problem leaving a church in that case. To be honest, I think some of the outstanding preaching I have heard online has contributed to me being dissatisfied with anything else. Now instead of grading sermons, I thank the Lord for all the incredible resources available to me to help me grow in faith. I’ve found that not many church attendees have taken advantages of those other resources. I see my role as introducing them to these outside of services. Thanks for your wonderful insights as always!
Great post Dr. Melanie!
This post is in parallel to what the pastor of our church told us on Sunday that struck many of us pretty hard.
If we’ve been Christians for decades and still attend church waiting to be told “new” things, what good are we? Get out there and get busy!
Desert Dan, I’m so glad I’m not writing in opposition to your pastor. I’ve been wrong many, many times. Maybe I still am in individual circumstances. But I know that changing my focus made a huge difference in my life. PTL for that. Thanks so much for sharing this comment.
I think you and I are on the same page regarding wanting to connect people with resources outside of church. I am passionate about people realizing that they make their own choices & can’t atrribute their lack of growth to someone else.
Man, Melanie – you’ve just hit on a major sore spot for me. I hear so often people moving churches or small groups around where they feel they’re the most fed. Like you, I think that’s healthy when they’re young Christians. But you get to a point where your decision should be based off of where you can give not where you can get. I love the way you’ve expressed this here.
The sad thing is that I’ve tried explaining this to people who “just wanted to be fed,” and they acted quite offended and bothered. But oh well.
Loren, I was a little nervous about this post for that very reason. I think about early churches that had no comfy chairs, no air conditioning, or central heating. The services were LONG. They didn’t include visuals or dramas or humorous anecdotes. There weren’t lots of options. Many people were thrilled when there was a preacher period. And today we whine about absolutely everything. I say we, because I’ve been as guilty of this as anyone.
Lord, forgive us for not receiving everything you’ve given us with thanksgiving and a desire to share it with others.
Thanks for your insight, Loren. I hope you’ve been well.
You mentioned early church – I long for those kinds of services. We once tried an experiment – we didn’t have any traditional songs, but we read psalms instead. I loved it… but most people grumbled that it was too long and boring, and they did not get it.
For that reason, I like it when we are off in some Ukrainian village and the worship is simple guitar and voices of all present. No mikes, no artificial stuff… just us and God.
That can be a really wonderful change of pace, can’t it? And we’re all so different. At church on Sunday, I understood that there are some people who are unhappy with the number of new songs we sing. That cracked me and my kids up because we feel we rarely sing new songs. LOL
One thing I find in Scripture and can’t explain it away is….”to not forsake the assembling of ourselves together”……but to meet together to encourage acts of faith and love….and to do so more and more as we see the Day approaching.
I can’t explain the importance of corporate worship in a comment section…..but I do see that the dear Dr. has a heart for the people of His body….and ears for the thoughts of His heart.
As for me….I need to be fed and I need to share what I learn. I will say this….the more I learn…the more I realize how little I know. The Word of God cannot be exhausted. A million years from now… I will still not have my arms around the precious Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Oh Ike, you certainly worded that well. We can’t give up meeting together. The enemy would like nothing better. I do love the body of Christ so much. It helped my frustration in seeing so many miss the blessings of knowing Christ and the Word personally to recognize that God is in control of this process–not me, not my pastor, not the lay leadership. He doesn’t need my help, does He? LOL But how blessed am I that He allows me to be a part of discipleship in both directions.
Thanks so much for sharing that beautiful truth about Scripture.
I know the feeling. I’ve been a member of the Nazarene Church here in Kyiv ever since first Nazarene missionaries came to Ukraine right after the fall of Soviet Union and I think I’ve tried pretty much all roles – I’ve been a leader of Sunday School, Bible studies, I preached a few times, am a Board member, etc. Also, I am a pastor’s kid. All those experiences gave me the opportunity to see from the inside out (since I knew EVERYTHING that is going on).
On one hand, it is awesome to be in the know. At the same time, I can’t count how many times I wished I was just a member of the Church and did not know all that’s going on… Church is made of people and people are imperfect… A lot of people I knew left our Church and went to another, that met their needs better (or so they said).
I don’t judge them (well, trying to), but I know that any Church would be like this – because, again, every single Church consists of people. Yet when I see one more issue fixed and resolved, I rejoice because we have stuck together, “one for all and all for one.” My Church is my family and you can’t choose what family you’re going to be born into. And like you said, we are called to feed others, not just expect to be fed.
Awesome post, Dr. Melanie 🙂
Zee, knowing all the ins and outs is tough. You have my admiration for staying strong. I’ve been privy to that information and have often wished I wasn’t! But you’re so right that there are victories, too. My church has had its share of them. The Lord has held us together. Stay strong in the Lord, Zee. Thanks so much for your kind comments.